Behavior Change and Interpersonal Connection (with Ting Jiang)
1. Acknowledge Your True Self
Practice audacious self-acknowledgment by identifying your true desires, values, and preferences, unburdened by societal expectations, to guide authentic life decisions.
2. Diagnose Behavior Scientifically
Apply a scientific approach to behavior change by first diagnosing the specific underlying drivers of a behavior (e.g., lack of motivation, self-efficacy, habit) before designing targeted interventions.
3. Embrace Trial and Error
Adopt a scientific discovery mindset, viewing life as a process of trial and error, and be open to learning from every experience, even ‘failures,’ to continuously upgrade your understanding and approach.
4. Model Future Self for Change
To effectively change behavior, envision your future self as a separate person and design the environment and strategies for them, rather than solely relying on future willpower.
5. Identify Decision Systems
Understand that many decisions are automatic (System 1) and not deliberative (System 2); recognizing which system is at play helps prevent misattributing intentions and improves decision-making.
6. Cultivate Behavioral Literacy
Develop a foundational understanding of behavioral brain science to comprehend what truly drives behavior and effective change strategies, moving beyond self-blame and reliance on willpower alone.
7. Allow Yourself to Slow Down
Grant yourself permission to reduce ambition, cut down on commitments, and practice mindfulness to alleviate subconscious stress and anxiety, fostering deeper introspection and authenticity.
8. Prioritize Authentic Connections
Recognize the profound importance of authentic social connections for well-being and actively seek ways to foster them, as they provide significant emotional rewards.
9. Connect Better Through Solitude
Intentionally spend time alone to foster self-discovery and connect with your deeper thoughts and values, as this introspection can enhance your capacity for more profound and authentic social connections.
10. Leverage Sudden Changes to Rebuild Habits
Capitalize on sudden disruptions or life changes, which naturally break existing routines, as prime opportunities to consciously rebuild habits from scratch in a more beneficial way.
11. Find Benefits of Bad Habits
When addressing a ‘bad’ behavior, identify the underlying benefits or positive value it provides, then seek to replace it with a healthier alternative that offers similar emotional or psychological rewards.
12. De-emphasize Importance to Act
Be cautious about over-emphasizing the importance of a task, as it can trigger the ‘ostrich effect’ and lead to procrastination or avoidance, especially for potentially stressful or confidence-lacking activities.
13. Storytell for Long-Term Goals
Convert abstract long-term goals into compelling, emotionally resonant stories that vividly depict future benefits, making them more motivating and easier to act upon in the present.
14. Quantify Intangible Values
Develop systems to make intangible values like love, gratitude, or meaning more visible and countable in daily life, such as using ‘sweetcoins’ for loving actions or gratitude notes, to reinforce positive behaviors.
15. Play Gratitude Note Game
Engage in a gratitude note game where you write specific appreciation notes for others, who then ‘accept’ them for points, fostering deeper conversations and increasing awareness of positive moments.
16. Gamify Connection with Music
Play the ‘Tit for Tat’ music game by exchanging songs with others, ensuring each new song shares a common element with the previous one, to create a unique and deeper social connection.
17. Use Deep Connection Questions
Employ ’no small talk’ questions, such as Clearer Thinking’s ’life-changing questions,’ to bypass superficial interactions and foster deeper, more authentic conversations with others.
18. Redesign Everyday for Well-being
Engage in creative exercises to redesign mundane everyday objects or experiences, repurposing them to support behavioral changes or make intangible well-being factors more salient.
19. Implement Relationship Currency System
Introduce a ‘sweetcoin’ system for loving actions and a ‘shitcoin’ system for chores, where each coin translates to a tangible reward (e.g., 10 minutes of massage), to make relationship contributions and tasks more visible and rewarding.
20. Actively Seek Gratitude
Intentionally look for moments and things to be grateful for throughout your day, as this practice can create more opportunities for positive emotions and strengthen connections.
21. Delay Conflict When Tired
Postpone important or emotionally charged discussions, especially during times of fatigue or stress, as these states can lead to automatic, less rational responses and misinterpretations.
22. Deliberate Money-Happiness Link
Deliberate on how additional income truly impacts your happiness beyond basic needs, considering the opportunity cost of spending to ensure money is used effectively for well-being.
23. Measure Authentic Happiness
Track your authentic happiness level as an indicator of your well-being, especially if you’ve experienced depression, to gain self-awareness and identify areas for improvement.
24. Use Social Accountability
Implement reminders and engage a social accountability buddy to help maintain consistency with habits like exercise and diet, leveraging external support to stay on track.
25. Maintain Habit Cues
Actively maintain the ‘choice architecture’ for new habits by keeping relevant cues and tools visible and accessible, as their absence can lead to a rapid decline in adherence.
26. Seek Support for Change
Gather support from people around you for your behavior change efforts, acknowledging that external support is crucial and you don’t have absolute control over your actions.