Behind the scenes of the online dating world (with Tom Quisel)
1. Cultivate Genuine Care in Leadership
As a leader, sincerely care about the needs of others and view them as equally valuable. This genuine internal state builds trust and makes all communication, including feedback, far more effective than any specific technique.
2. Lead by Providing Context
Communicate general goals and provide team members with the necessary context and information to make quality decisions. Empower them to solve problems locally, aiming to make yourself unnecessary by fostering autonomy and shared understanding.
3. Design Self-Experiments for Change
To achieve lasting behavior change, run regular self-experiments (e.g., weekly) by setting a high-value goal, identifying underlying assumptions driving undesirable behaviors, and then designing interventions to test those assumptions.
4. Challenge Underlying Assumptions
When addressing self-undermining behaviors (e.g., distraction), dig deeper to understand the core assumptions or stories driving them. Design experiments to generate evidence that specifically contradicts these assumptions, similar to cognitive behavioral therapy.
5. Communicate Manager’s Supportive Role
Explicitly state to your team that a significant part of your job is ensuring their happiness and effectiveness. This encourages them to rely on you for help with problems, fostering a more open and productive working relationship.
6. Approach Problems with Curiosity
When something goes wrong, adopt an attitude of sincere curiosity to understand the actual causes, rather than immediately assigning blame. This prevents demotivation, preserves trust, and often reveals systemic issues rather than individual fault.
7. Prioritize Work Sample Tests
To predict job performance accurately, use work sample tests that closely mimic the actual day-to-day tasks of the role. This provides a direct measure of a candidate’s ability to ‘get stuff done’ and is far more predictive than resumes.
8. Consider Paid, Longer Work Samples
For a more realistic assessment in hiring, design work sample tests to be longer (e.g., over two weeks) and pay candidates for their time. This reduces time stress and allows for a better reflection of their true capabilities.
9. Be Clear on Hiring Expectations
When administering work sample tests, be super clear about what you are looking for in the results. The goal is to see if candidates can meet the requirements when they know them, not to test their ability to guess your expectations.
10. Beware of Hiring Biases
Be aware that likability, social skills, and a tendency to hire people similar to oneself can introduce significant biases in the hiring process. Focus on objective predictors of job performance rather than subjective impressions.
11. Deliver Feedback with Warmth
Begin by giving feedback with warmth, assuming the person comes from a good place. If a problem persists, gradually increase firmness to emphasize the seriousness, always ensuring the underlying message is one of care and support for their improvement.
12. Optimize Dating App KPIs
If building a dating app, define success metrics beyond just ‘messages sent.’ Focus on quality indicators like ‘first contacts and three-way conversations’ and the ‘fraction of users receiving at least one contact per week’ to foster a healthier ecosystem.
13. Redirect Spammy Dating Senders
In online dating, identify users who send low-quality, low-response messages and recommend them to users who receive fewer messages. This helps distribute attention more evenly and reduces the spam burden on highly attractive users.
14. Consider Women-Initiated Dating Contact
To combat the issue of men spamming low-quality messages, consider implementing a system where only women can initiate the first contact, as successfully demonstrated by apps like Bumble.
15. Move Quickly to In-Person Dates
Recognize that dating apps capture only a fraction of important compatibility information. Aim to move quickly from initial online matching to in-person dates to assess chemistry and other ‘harder to quantify’ factors crucial for real-world relationships.
16. Adopt Hybrid Dating App Approach
For long-term relationship seekers, consider a hybrid dating strategy: start with quick, superficial matching (like Tinder) to meet many people, then transition to a structured framework for deeper compatibility assessment (like OkCupid’s questions) once initial interest is established.
17. Do Not Rely on Astrology
Based on data analysis, astrological signs show no correlation with dating match percentages or messaging behavior. Do not use astrology as a reliable indicator for dating compatibility.
18. Avoid Broadcasting Signals to Space
Given the ‘dark forest theory’ (where civilizations hide or destroy others for survival), actively broadcasting signals into space to contact alien life is an extreme, potentially civilization-ending risk.