Everyone — including you! — should host more events (with Nick Gray)

1. Host More Events

Host more events to build a network before you need it, improve social skills, public speaking, dating, relationships, and maintain friendships.

2. Make Hosting a Regular Habit

Host events regularly, not just once a year, to maximize the benefits of building and maintaining your network and to leave guests wanting to return.

3. Host Well-Run Events to Be Interesting

Host well-run events with structure and facilitation as a primary and accessible way to be perceived as interesting and add value to a large number of people.

4. Prioritize Adding Value in Networking

In networking, always strive to add value to others first (e.g., offering insights, sharing resources) before asking for anything in return.

5. Be Interesting to Meet Interesting People

To attract and meet interesting, successful, or smart people, actively engage in interesting activities or projects yourself.

6. Start with MVP Parties

Host “minimum viable parties” to make hosting less daunting and avoid the perception of it being too much work or requiring a large space.

7. Host Two-Hour Events

Schedule social gatherings for a clear two-hour duration to compress the “awkward zone” (early arrival period) and make the event more manageable.

8. Clearly State Start and End Times

Explicitly communicate both a start and end time for your event to manage guest expectations and encourage timely arrival, reducing the awkward early period.

9. Implement Double Opt-In Invites

Send a preliminary message asking “May I send you the info?” for an event, then send full details and RSVP link only to those who respond affirmatively, making it easier to mass message and send reminders.

10. Pre-Confirm with Core Group

New hosts should first ask 5-10 close friends (core group) “If I host, would you come?” to secure initial attendees and build confidence before inviting a wider circle.

11. Use Online RSVP Platforms

Utilize free online RSVP platforms like Mixely, Partyful, or Luma to track attendance, gain confidence, and provide social proof that others are committed to attending.

12. Send Multiple Reminder Messages

Send three reminder messages (one week, 3-4 days, and the morning of the event) to keep it top of mind, convey logistics, set expectations, and build anticipation.

13. Use Name Tags for Mixed Groups

Employ name tags at social events where not everyone knows each other to serve as a visual unifier, level the playing field, and ease conversations by making names readily available.

14. Employ “Compress and Release” Structure

Alternate between structured facilitation (compression, e.g., intros, short talks) and unstructured social time (release) to build conversational energy and manage the event’s flow.

15. Maximize Guest Speaking Time

Design events that allow guests ample opportunity to speak and participate, as this directly correlates with their perceived happiness and engagement.

16. Utilize Small Group Intros

Break guests into small groups (3-5 people) for introductions at the beginning of an event to create stronger connections and provide a more comfortable speaking environment.

17. Explain the “Why” of Introductions

Clearly explain the purpose of introductions (e.g., “so you know who’s here” and “an excuse to say hi to someone new”) to mitigate guest anxiety and encourage participation.

18. Host Models Intro Behavior

When facilitating introductions, the host should always go first to model the desired behavior, then ask a person nearby if they’d like to go next, reducing anxiety for others.

19. Provide Clear Direction for Intros

Clearly communicate the direction of introductions (e.g., “we’ll go around the circle this way”) to eliminate anxiety and provide a sense of control for participants.

20. Use “Green Level” Icebreakers Early

Start with easy, low-stakes “green level” icebreaker questions (e.g., “What’s your favorite breakfast?”) when rapport is low to get people talking without causing anxiety.

21. Avoid Definitive “Favorite” Questions

Avoid icebreaker questions that ask for a definitive “favorite” (e.g., “What is your favorite book?”) as they can cause anxiety and judgment; instead, ask for “one of your favorites.”

22. Use “Value-Additive” Icebreakers Later

Towards the end of an event, use “value-additive” icebreakers (e.g., “What’s a favorite secret spot in the city?” or “What’s a great piece of media you’ve consumed recently?”) to provide new ideas and leave guests feeling enriched.

23. Use “Connection-Prompting” Icebreakers

Implement icebreakers that reveal shared interests, such as “What’s a topic you could talk about for hours?”, to help guests identify and connect with others who share their passions.

24. Plan for Mixed Friend Groups

If your event’s goal is to introduce different friend groups, engage in semi-strategic planning and structure to facilitate new connections.

25. Reframe “Icebreakers” as “Introductions”

Avoid the term “icebreakers” due to its cringy connotation; instead, refer to them as “rounds of introductions” to make guests more comfortable.

26. End Parties on a High Note

Intentionally end your party when things are still going well, rather than letting it fizzle out, to leave guests with a positive impression and increase their likelihood of returning.

27. Manage Party Ending Expectations

Set clear expectations for the party’s end by stating an end time, giving a loose agenda, making a “last call” 15 minutes prior, and making a thank-you announcement at the scheduled end time.

28. Grant Permission to Leave

At the scheduled end time, explicitly thank guests and grant permission for those who need to leave to do so, preventing awkwardness for early departures.

29. Signal Party End with Environmental Cues

To gently signal the party’s end, turn up the lights, turn down the music, and begin tidying up the space.

30. Suggest an After-Party Location

If guests want to continue socializing after your event, suggest a nearby bar or alternative location to transition them out of your space gracefully.

31. Host on Weeknights (Tue/Wed)

Host events on Tuesday or Wednesday evenings, especially for new hosts, as these nights are generally less socially competitive and make it easier to secure attendance.

32. Provide a Loose Agenda

Offer a brief, loose agenda for the event to give guests an idea of what to expect, incentivizing them to arrive on time to avoid missing key parts.

33. Arrive Early as a Guest

As a guest, arrive early to an event to get more quality time with the host before they are overwhelmed, and to experience the party forming around you, which can be less intimidating.

34. Ask Host for Introductions

As a guest, ask the host early in the event if there’s anyone they think you’d especially enjoy meeting, to facilitate more targeted and enjoyable conversations.

35. Assign Small Duties to Guests

Give arriving guests small, temporary duties (e.g., bar, coat check, high fives) to provide them with a role and immediate points of interaction.

36. Provide Waypoints for New Arrivals

When new guests arrive, give them clear “waypoints” by directing them to specific people or areas for coat drop-off, drinks, or initial interactions.

37. Actively Integrate New Guests

Physically walk new guests to existing groups, introduce them, and ask the group to make them feel welcome to ensure they are integrated and not left standing awkwardly.

38. Avoid “Lazy Hosting” Mindset

Actively engage as a host by facilitating introductions and using tools like name tags, rather than adopting a “too cool to care” or “lazy hosting” approach that leaves guests to fend for themselves.

39. Create Guest Connection Cards

Prepare cards for guests listing 1-3 other attendees they might enjoy meeting, giving them a “quest” and facilitating targeted connections.

40. Send Photo Follow-Up

Take a group photo at the end of the event and send it with a thank-you message the next morning to provide a memento and maintain positive sentiment.

41. Distribute Guest Bios Pre-Event

Collect and distribute guest bios (name, socials, 1-2 sentences) in reminder messages before the event to build anticipation, provide conversation starters, and ease social anxiety.

42. Implement a “24-Hour Reply All” Thread (Advanced)

(Advanced) Facilitate a “24-hour reply all” email thread the morning after an event, inviting guests to share links to their projects, social media, or other cool things, but only if properly set up and explained during the party.

43. Grow Event List with New Contacts

When meeting new people you connect with, ask if you can add them to your event invitation list as a low-pressure way to keep them in your orbit.

44. Invite to Events Instead of Coffee

Instead of asking for coffee or to “pick their brain,” invite new acquaintances to an event, as it’s a lower-commitment, higher-value ask for them.

45. Offer VIP Airport Pick-ups

Offer to pick up interesting people from the airport and drive them to their hotel as a unique way to add value, spend quality time, and make a strong positive impression.

46. Always Use Double Opt-In for Intros

When making introductions between two people, always use a “double opt-in” approach by asking both individuals if they are interested before connecting them.

47. Prioritize Less Receptive Party for Intros

When facilitating an introduction, first ask the person you believe is less likely to want the intro, and only proceed to the second person if the first agrees.

48. Maintain High Bar for Intros

Be selective and maintain a high bar for making introductions, ensuring that each connection is likely to be genuinely worthwhile for both parties.

49. Suggest Direct Outreach Before Warm Intro

When asked for an introduction to a well-known person, suggest the requester first try direct outreach (tweet, DM, email) and only offer a warm intro if those attempts fail.

50. Adopt “Call Me Anytime” Policy

Implement a “Call Me Anytime” policy, sharing your phone number and preferred call times, to manage inbound requests for meetings without scheduling, linking to a blog post explaining your unstructured approach.

51. Combine Hosting & Online Presence for Network Growth

Leverage both event hosting and consistent online writing/social media presence to build and maintain a larger network than possible through one-on-one interactions alone.

52. Send Annual Personal Newsletter

Send an annual personal newsletter (even via BCC email) to friends and acquaintances, providing updates on your life and work, and adding value by sharing interesting media or ideas.

53. Add Value in Personal Newsletters

When sending a personal newsletter, ensure it adds value by sharing recommendations for media, books, or interesting ideas, rather than just being a personal diary.

54. Consider Hosting’s Strategic Fit

If your primary goal is highly specific (e.g., meeting VCs in Silicon Valley while living elsewhere for a startup), hosting might not be the most efficient use of time.

55. Don’t Force Socializing

Don’t try to convince deeply introverted individuals who express no desire for more connections to host events, as it may not align with their personal goals.

56. Leverage Core Group for Social Proof

Once your core group commits, have them RSVP on the platform so that potential guests from your wider circle see that others are already attending, providing social proof.

57. Physically Move Guests for Activities

If energy flags, physically move guests to a different part of the room for activities like introductions to encourage movement and new interactions.

58. Gently Redirect Bottlenecks

Address bottlenecks (e.g., in the kitchen) by gently guiding comfortable guests to other areas of the room to distribute people and encourage mingling.

59. Introduce Activities for Dwindling Energy

If party energy dwindles, introduce a short facilitated activity (e.g., speed icebreakers, small groups, lightning talks) to re-engage guests and then release them back into unstructured time.

60. Balance Structured and Unstructured Time

For events like conferences, intentionally balance scheduled activities with ample unstructured time, as the “hallway conversations” are often the most valued by attendees.