Fight, flight, freeze, fawn (with Sasha Raskin)

Feb 16, 2022 1h 16m 15 insights Episode Page ↗
Spencer Greenberg speaks with Sasha Raskin, founder of A Beautiful Mess, about mental wellness, feminism, sexual assault, and the pervasive issue of gaslighting in society. They discuss the importance of open conversations about mental health and the systemic failures that contribute to individual suffering.
Actionable Insights

1. Share Mental Health Struggles

If you are struggling with mental health, consider sharing your story publicly or with a wide group, as Sasha Raskin did. This can normalize struggles for others and empower you by reclaiming your narrative, reducing the power others might wield over your secret.

2. Reclaim Your Narrative

Own your personal story, especially regarding past struggles or traumatic events. By being open, you claim your narrative and prevent others from using your experiences against you, fostering empowerment rather than secrecy and fear.

3. Avoid Unsolicited Advice

When someone shares they are having a hard time, resist the urge to immediately offer advice like ’think positive’ or ‘write a gratitude journal.’ Such responses can be patronizing, dismissive, and make people feel unheard, potentially worsening their mental health struggles.

4. Ask for Space Before Sharing

Before confiding difficult personal struggles, ask your friend or listener if they have the emotional space to receive what you’re about to share. This acknowledges that not everyone can always handle heavy topics and helps mitigate the risk of overwhelming them.

5. Challenge Toxic Positivity

Recognize and avoid toxic positivity, which dismisses non-positive emotions with cliches or glib responses. This societal tendency can make people feel isolated and unwilling to share their true struggles, exacerbating mental health issues.

6. Advocate for Systemic Mental Health Solutions

Understand that mental health issues are often systemic, not just individual problems, and advocate for community-wide responses rather than placing the burden solely on individuals. This collective approach is necessary because no single person can bear the weight of complex mental health challenges.

7. Identify and Resist Gaslighting

Learn to recognize gaslighting, which involves attempts to make you question your sanity or reality, often by denying your experiences or blaming you for your reactions. Understanding this dynamic, which occurs personally and societally, helps validate your feelings and experiences.

8. Understand Why Victims Don’t Come Forward

Recognize that victims of sexual assault or harassment often do not come forward due to societal conditioning, shame, fear of scrutiny, blame, retaliation, or not even realizing they were assaulted. This understanding helps combat victim-blaming and encourages empathy.

9. Understand Why Victims Stay in Contact with Abusers

Acknowledge that victims may stay in contact with abusers due to shame, denial, embarrassment, an attempt to reclaim power, or fear of retaliation and career/reputation ruin. This behavior is not uncommon and does not invalidate their experience of abuse.

10. Use Safety Measures Against Harassment

If you feel unsafe saying ’no’ to unwanted advances, consider using safety measures like providing a fake phone number that rings. This can make the harasser feel they’ve ‘gotten what they want’ and allow you to safely disengage.

11. Confront Harassment Directly (If Safe)

When experiencing unwanted touching, directly challenge the harasser by asking if they would treat a man the same way. This can highlight the double standard and, if you feel safe, assert your boundaries.

12. Actively Seek Awareness (If Privileged)

If you hold privilege, actively work to see and understand the harm perpetrated against others, rather than remaining oblivious. It is your responsibility to step outside your bubble and become more aware of your surroundings and others’ experiences.

13. Men: Engage in ‘Men’s Work’

Men should engage in ‘men’s work’ to uncouple from patriarchal expectations that suppress emotions like weakness, fear, or the desire for comfort. This movement aims to release men from these burdens, allowing them to show up in a more integrated and emotionally healthy way, benefiting all of society.

14. Companies: Implement Mental Health Events

Companies should sign the ‘Caring Pledge’ and commit to making mental health events a normal part of their work week by 2025. This initiative aims to foster connection, levity, joy, and emotional resilience among employees.

15. Support Mental Health Initiatives

Support organizations like A Beautiful Mess through financial donations, signing pledges, or bringing them into your company. This helps create spaces where it’s okay and welcome to discuss the full spectrum of human experiences, from joy to pain.