Humble-bragging, counter-signalling, and impression management (with Övül Sezer)
1. Show, Don’t Tell
To be perceived as having a certain quality (e.g., competent, warm), genuinely embody that quality through your actions rather than merely stating it. This ‘show, don’t tell’ approach builds authentic perceptions over time.
2. Demonstrate with Unfakeable Signals
Prove your capabilities or care through concrete actions or creations that definitively demonstrate your point, rather than just talking about them. For example, doing a task for someone shows care more effectively than just saying you care.
3. Earn Respect Through Consistent Kindness
Cultivate respect through consistent, long-term acts of kindness, patience, and humility, such as regularly giving credit and expressing gratitude. Avoid shortcuts, as genuine respect is built over time through these virtues.
4. Have Others Brag For You
The most powerful and effective way to promote your accomplishments is to have someone else do it for you. This avoids the perception of ulterior motives and appears more genuine to observers.
5. Avoid Humble Bragging
Do not brag by masking it with a complaint or false humility. Humble bragging is perceived as fake and insincere, causing observers to dislike you and view you as less competent.
6. Do Not Hide Success
Avoid hiding your successes, even to spare others’ feelings or prevent envy. This can be perceived as offensive and condescending, damaging relationships and making others feel less close to you.
7. Give Credit to Others
Always give credit to your teammates, collaborators, or anyone who contributed to your success. This is an effective impression management strategy, fosters good teamwork, and acts as a social lubricant.
8. Express Authentic Pride
When sharing accomplishments, express authentic pride by focusing on the effort and hard work invested in achieving them, rather than signaling superiority or inherent intelligence. This approach resonates positively with observers.
9. Share with Genuine Positive Emotion
When communicating accomplishments, express genuine positive emotions like excitement, joy, or happiness. This makes the message more relatable and resonates favorably with recipients.
10. Share Your Process and Journey
In networking or introductions, share your journey and the process of how you achieved success, rather than just listing the final outcome. This makes your story more memorable and highlights the effort you put in.
11. Share Accomplishments Factually
Mention accomplishments in a very factual and neutral way, presenting them as a series of events without emotional emphasis. This strategy aims to avoid appearing self-impressed.
12. Mix Impressive with Standard Facts
When sharing accomplishments, mix impressive facts with more standard, factual information. Deliver them with a consistent, neutral tone to avoid highlighting only the things you think will impress others.
13. Avoid Jargon
Do not use excessive jargon or overly complex language to signal expertise. This strategy often backfires, making you appear less competent and harder to understand.
14. Avoid ‘Blessed’ and ‘Humbled’
When expressing gratitude or announcing accomplishments, avoid using overused phrases like ‘blessed’ or ‘humbled,’ especially on social media, as they often come across as insincere and can rub people the wrong way.
15. Use Humor (If Genuinely Funny)
Employ humor as a strategy to signal both your intelligence and likability. However, ensure your humor is genuinely funny and well-executed, as simply claiming to be funny is ineffective.
16. Counter-Signal (If High Status)
If you are already high-status and your non-conformity is perceived as intentional, dressing unconventionally (e.g., wearing red sneakers in a formal setting) can counter-signal even higher status and competence.