Is patriarchy gone or hiding in plain sight? (with Kate Manne)
This episode features Kate Manne, a Professor of Philosophy, discussing persistent gender inequality despite progress. She explores patriarchy's impact on men and women, male violence, leadership biases, and societal archetypes that shape expectations and relationships.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Current State of Gender Equality
Defining and Originating Patriarchy
Biological Tendencies Versus Moral Choices
Distinguishing Violence and Healthy Aggression
Patriarchy's Negative Impact on Men
Challenging Gendered Provider Roles
Young Men's Identity and Body Image Pressures
The 'Red Pill' Worldview and Misinformation
Gendered Expectations in Caregiving Roles
Debating Gender Differences in Interests
Empirical Data on Personality Differences
Extreme Outcomes from Small Average Differences
Understanding Familicide and Male Violence
Bias Against Female Leaders and Competence
Gender Archetypes and Double Standards
Emotional Vulnerability in Male Friendships
Social Status and Sexual Conquest
Addressing Persistent Gender Inequality
7 Key Concepts
Patriarchy
An ancient system where male dominance is central, often characterized by a family structure where men expect to be the head of a heterosexual household and women perform the bulk of domestic and child-rearing labor, extending to other institutions.
Ought Implies Can Principle
A philosophical principle stating that if something 'ought' to be done, then it 'can' be done; applied here, it means that if we believe men ought to be non-violent, it implies they are capable of being so.
Sublimation
A Freudian concept suggesting that human tendencies, such as aggression, can be channeled into socially acceptable or even beneficial ways, rather than being inherently bad or destructive.
Man Keeping
A dynamic where men rely heavily on their female partners to handle most of their emotional labor and processing of feelings, often because they lack other male friends with whom they can share deep emotions.
Gender Archetypes
Internalized mental models of what a 'man' or 'woman' is, which can lead to different standards of evaluation for individuals based on their gender, potentially disadvantaging both men and women.
Friend Zoned
A term, often used by men, that implies an entitlement to romantic or sexual interest from a woman with whom they have a friendly or emotionally intimate relationship, viewing a lack of such interest as an injustice.
Incel
Originally coined by a queer woman experiencing sexual loneliness, this term was co-opted by online communities of men who feel entitled to sexual attention and vent about women rejecting them, often framing rejection as a cosmic injustice.
10 Questions Answered
No, despite significant progress, women still face issues like sexual assault, pay gaps, and disproportionate domestic labor, indicating that a truly egalitarian society where everyone can flourish regardless of gender has not been reached.
Patriarchy is an ancient system of male dominance, often rooted in family structures where men are expected to be the head of the household and women do most domestic work; it's believed to be as old as agriculture, potentially linked to controlling paternity.
No, while there may be some plausible biological tendencies, these do not dictate how society 'ought' to be, as humans have the capacity to reason and choose to live in more just and equitable ways.
Patriarchy hurts men by restricting their emotional expression, limiting their involvement in nurturing roles like active fathering, and imposing a heavy burden of being the sole provider, which can lead to disappointment and less flourishing lives.
Young men face pressure from both old patriarchal expectations and new beauty standards (like 'look maxing' on social media), leading to rising body dissatisfaction and a focus on superficial status markers rather than intrinsic qualities.
The role of babysitter is often perceived as non-masculine, leading young men to select out of it, despite having similar skill sets to camp counselors, which they do pursue, indicating societal expectations rather than inherent disinterest.
While some studies show small average differences in self-reported personality, distributions heavily overlap, suggesting that individual differences are more significant than gender differences, and societal narratives often exaggerate these distinctions.
Research indicates significant bias, where equally competent female candidates are rated as less competent or less personable than male counterparts for male-coded leadership positions, suggesting that women face a double bind of needing to be both competent and exceptionally kind.
Male friendships can be characterized by competitiveness or 'ribbing,' which may train men to hide vulnerability for fear of being teased or perceived as weak, leading them to rely more on female partners for emotional support.
This perspective arises from a societal dynamic where access to women or having a 'trophy' partner confers social status among other men, rather than sex being primarily about mutual enjoyment or developing a relationship.
12 Actionable Insights
1. Challenge Patriarchal Norms
Actively push back against patriarchal norms in individual lives and broader coalitions to ensure everyone can flourish regardless of gender, addressing issues like sexual violence and pay gaps.
2. Reject Biological Determinism
Understand that even if biological tendencies exist, humans have the capacity to reason and choose to live differently, striving for better and more just ways of being, rather than being fixed by nature.
3. Channel Aggression Positively
Recognize that aggression can be a healthy force when directed towards injustice and unfairness, such as defending vulnerable people or standing up for what is right, without resorting to physical violence.
4. Embrace Egalitarian Fathering
Men should actively participate in all aspects of child-rearing and domestic labor, including tasks like reading bedtime stories, diapering, and packing lunches, as this fosters true intimacy with children and challenges unfair gender roles.
5. Release Gendered Provider Roles
Challenge the ingrained belief that men must be the sole or primary financial providers, recognizing that a partner’s good livelihood is a form of security regardless of gender, and flexibility in roles benefits the family.
6. Prioritize Character Over Looks
Teach young men and women to value kindness, hard work, intelligence, and community involvement over superficial adherence to arbitrary beauty standards, which are increasingly causing body dissatisfaction in young men.
7. Encourage Male Participation in Care Work
Promote and support young men taking on caregiving roles like babysitting, as these roles teach responsibility and community membership, challenging the perception that such work is exclusively for young women.
8. Support Individual Interests, Not Gender Norms
Allow individuals to pursue their interests and excel in fields they love, regardless of traditional gender associations, rather than being constrained by societal expectations or perceived ’natural’ differences.
9. Foster Emotional Openness in Men
Encourage men to express a full range of emotions, including sadness and vulnerability, with other men and their partners, to combat loneliness and reduce the burden of emotional labor on female partners.
10. Challenge Permissiveness in Male Groups
Men should actively call out misogynistic or disrespectful behavior within male groups, even if it’s ’locker room talk,’ rather than allowing a permission structure to persist that contradicts individual moral beliefs.
11. Reframe Rejection as Disappointment, Not Injustice
Educate young men to understand that unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest is a common disappointment, not a cosmic injustice or discrimination, and to handle it gracefully and maturely.
12. Prioritize Connection Over Conquest in Relationships
Approach interactions with others, regardless of gender, as human-to-human connections rather than immediately sexualizing them or viewing them as opportunities for social status or conquest.
6 Key Quotes
I think we can do better than that, because what is is not really a guide to what ought to be if people have, yeah, the kinds of capacities we have to reason, to choose differently, and that kind of autonomy of will that means we can say, hey, yeah, I might have this desire or this tendency, but I can resist those impulses and choose to live somewhat differently.
Kate Manne
I hold men to high standards in terms of equitable and nonviolent behavior because I know this is possible. I see it in my father, my husband, my male friends, my male colleagues.
Kate Manne
I think in a way, young men may need more of the just, you know, very standard commonsensical feminist message that really doesn't matter what you look like. Really more important thing is how kind you are, how hard you work, how smart you are, how well you reason, and how good of a community member you are...
Kate Manne
So much energy has been spent wondering about this. And what would we do with that information, even if we got it?
Kate Manne
Statistically significant just means less likely to have occurred by chance. Whereas, you know, something that is a huge difference, that's another matter entirely.
Kate Manne
Sex isn't always about sex, right? Sex is about social status. And yeah, what a shame, like what a shame for human beings that we turned it into that rather than, yeah, two people enjoying themselves consensually, which, yeah, seems like the healthier way to approach it to me.
Kate Manne