Preference Falsification and Postmodernism (with Michael Vassar)
1. Cultivate Intellectual Humility
Foster intellectual humility by acknowledging the limits of your knowledge and the possibility of being wrong, which can improve decision-making, increase happiness, and strengthen relationships.
2. Separate Goals from Strategies
In disagreements, distinguish between underlying goals and the strategies to achieve them; often, people share the same goals but argue over different approaches. Dig beneath strategies to uncover shared objectives.
3. Define Conversation Goals Strategically
Before engaging in a difficult conversation, intentionally identify your specific goal for the discussion to guide your communication and ensure your actions advance that objective.
4. Prioritize Relationship Over Persuasion
In most difficult conversations, prioritize goals like getting along, having a good time, or maintaining the relationship over outright persuasion, accepting that well-intentioned people can disagree.
5. Understand Opposing Moral Lenses
When disagreeing, try to understand the underlying moral justifications and virtues driving the other person’s perspective, allowing for respect even without agreement. This humanizes them and fosters curiosity for constructive dialogue.
6. Practice Moral Reframing for Communication
Frame your arguments using examples and language that appeal to the moral foundations most valued by the person you’re speaking with, rather than mirroring your own, to improve resonance and connection. This technique is called moral reframing.
7. Use Moral Foundations as a “Secret Code”
Understand Moral Foundations Theory to decode underlying moral justifications in conversations, helping to make sense of differing viewpoints and political ideologies.
8. Name & Accept Moral Differences
When moral foundations clash, explicitly name the different foundations at play and accept that disagreement is possible without derailing the relationship.
9. Practice Integrative Thinking
When goals differ, use integrative thinking to create new strategies that can achieve both goals simultaneously, viewing tension as an opportunity for creative solutions rather than competing binaries.
10. Realign Actions with Conversation Goals
During a heated discussion, pause and ask if your current actions are moving you closer to or further from your predefined conversation goal, using this as a reminder to stay on target.
11. Take Breaks When Emotional
If you become emotional during a conversation, take a short break (e.g., walk, get water, change topic) to regain civility and refocus on your conversation goals.