Rethinking our assumptions about happiness (with Stephanie Harrison)

1. Embrace “New Happy” Principles

Cultivate lasting happiness by authentically being who you are and then actively using your unique self, including your gifts, wisdom, and talents, to contribute positively to the well-being of others.

2. Cultivate Authentic Selfhood

Achieve authentic selfhood by practicing self-acceptance, discovering your unique gifts (humanity strengths, wisdom, and talents), and continuously cultivating these aspects for personal growth and wholeness.

3. Broaden Your Definition of Help

Redefine “help” as any action that positively contributes to another person’s well-being, understanding that this interconnectedness and mutual contribution are vital for combating loneliness and fostering happiness.

4. Accept Your Whole Self

Fully accept yourself as you are, understanding that you are inherently worthy and possess valuable contributions for the world, and that hiding your authentic self benefits no one.

5. Embrace Struggle for Growth

Actively seek out and embrace the struggle and discomfort inherent in learning new things, as this is the primary way to grow, achieve your goals, and fulfill your potential, rather than something to be avoided.

6. Normalize Confusion in Learning

When learning new or difficult things, expect to feel confused or lost a significant portion of the time, as this indicates you are challenging yourself appropriately and are on the path to growth.

7. Challenge Hyper-Individualism

Actively question and resist extreme individualistic messages that suggest you are entirely on your own and shouldn’t lean on others, as these beliefs can lead to isolation and unhappiness.

8. Avoid Achievement-Based Happiness

Do not place all your eggs in the basket of achievement for happiness, as the joy from success is fleeting and not a sustainable source of long-term well-being.

9. Evaluate Achievement’s Cost

Reflect on the sacrifices made in pursuit of a constant stream of achievements for happiness, as this strategy can negatively affect other vital areas of your life.

10. Discover Your Unique Gifts

Initiate self-discovery by asking five trusted individuals to identify your unique gifts and provide examples, as this external perspective can reveal strengths you take for granted or don’t recognize in yourself.

11. Integrate Gifts Daily

Once you’ve identified your unique gifts, actively seek opportunities to bring them to the forefront in your daily activities and interactions, without needing to make drastic life changes.

12. Reframe Asking for Help

When struggling, ask for help by understanding that allowing others to assist you provides them with an opportunity to experience the joy and happiness of contributing, rather than viewing yourself as a burden.

13. Give Friends a Chance

Challenge cynical thoughts about burdening friends by giving them the opportunity to be there for you, even with small acts of sharing, as this can significantly deepen and transform your relationships.

14. Gradually Expand Sharing Safety

To build trust for sharing emotions, gradually expand your “safety circle” with friends by discussing slightly more vulnerable aspects of topics you already comfortably share, eventually leading to deeper emotional challenges.

15. Assure Friends They’re Not Burdens

When friends or loved ones are struggling, actively communicate that their needs and pain do not make them a burden, which helps them feel safe and encourages open sharing.

16. Balance Relationship Interactions

Strive for a healthy ratio of positive to negative interactions in your relationships and distribute your emotional reliance across different friends to maintain long-term sustainability and avoid overburdening any single person.

17. Share Negative Experiences Mindfully

When sharing negative experiences, be mindful that while it can build connection, repeatedly discussing the same problem or not taking action can be frustrating for friends, so balance sharing with progress or varied topics.

18. Boundaried Sharing of Difficulties

When discussing difficult issues with close friends, provide a quick update at the beginning of the conversation in a boundaried way, then transition to other topics to ensure it doesn’t dominate the entire interaction.

19. Find Positivity in Shared Suffering

Understand that sharing and navigating suffering with loved ones can foster positive experiences of love, connection, and peace, making it possible to find joy even amidst prolonged difficulties.