The pre/trans fallacy, and why you should learn the skill of coaching (with Eben Pagan)

Dec 1, 2021 1h 23m 16 insights Episode Page ↗
Spencer Greenberg speaks with Eben Pagan about the vertical conception of development, exploring how individuals evolve through emergent psychological stages. They discuss applying this model to entrepreneurship, relationships, and the critical role of coaching as a meta-skill for personal growth and supporting others.
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Emergent Solutions

Cultivate an optimistic belief in ’emergent islands’ (superior solutions) that are unpredictable but consistently appear. Persistently seek these through collaboration, imagination, experimentation, and perseverance, as this mindset fosters creativity and persistence beyond your current understanding.

2. Beware the Pre-Trans Fallacy

Be aware of the ‘pre-trans fallacy,’ which is the tendency to misinterpret higher-order, emergent ideas or behaviors as less sophisticated or beneath you. Actively seek aspects in differing viewpoints that might represent a higher developmental level or offer beneficial insights, rather than dismissing them.

3. Learn from All Perspectives

Take time to deeply understand people you superficially dislike or disagree with, recognizing their unique genius and learning effective strategies from their approach, even if you disapprove of their values or goals. In controversial issues, strive to understand and learn from both sides, as tribalism often blinds you to valuable insights.

4. View Relationships as Entities

View your romantic relationship (or any partnership) as an emergent entity separate from individual identities. When disagreements arise, ‘side with the relationship’ and collaborate to tessellate your values, trusting that the resulting solution will be superior to individual desires.

5. Master Basic Coaching Skills

Learn and practice coaching skills to develop them as a core aspect of your identity, enabling you to effectively support others’ developmental growth. This enhances your ‘humaning skills,’ making you a more effective collaborator, mentor, and supportive presence in various life roles.

6. Utilize Achieve, Avoid, Act Model

Use the ‘Achieve, Avoid, Act’ coaching model: First, ask what someone wants to achieve and its benefits. Second, ask what they want to avoid and its benefits. Third, ask for their next concrete action step, leveraging the psychological priming effect to elicit immediate, self-identified actions.

7. Conduct a Values Alignment Exercise

Perform a values clarification exercise by listing your top five values, then listing the top five ways you spend your time. Compare these lists to identify misalignments and areas for greater value-based living, bringing self-awareness to how you direct your life.

8. Continuously Self-Evolve

As an adult, commit to continuous personal development through practices, meditation, learning, and new experiences. Continuously develop yourself across physical, relational, business, and artistic domains to increase your impact, power, and creativity in the world.

9. Gain Diverse Life Experiences

Embrace new experiences and ’throw yourself into the fire’ with passion projects across various life domains (physical, emotional, social, learning, business, art, psychology, philosophy) to foster exploration and growth. Identify and fill developmental gaps by gaining direct experience in areas where you lack it, strengthening your overall foundation for multi-dimensional success.

10. Progress Through Entrepreneurial Stages

If aspiring to be a great entrepreneur, progress through the stages of employee, self-employed, business owner, and investor. This sequence helps you gain foundational skills and diverse perspectives, making you a more effective and robust entrepreneur.

11. Cultivate Rational Faith

Maintain ‘rational faith’ in emergent solutions, especially when facing friction or challenges in collaboration. Persist until a superior, unpredictable outcome materializes, even if you cannot initially understand or predict it.

12. Give Others Benefit of Doubt

When someone seems unreasonable, give them the benefit of the doubt by assuming a reasonable underlying motive. Actively investigate what that motive might be, fostering an open-minded approach that often reveals valid reasons for their behavior.

13. Understand Life’s ‘Games’

Learn the ‘games’ (political, status, business models) inherent in different life domains to avoid being hustled, reduce personal frustration, and become more flexible and effective. This helps you stop taking situations personally and navigate them with greater strategic awareness.

14. Balance Activist Perspectives

Practice ‘popping in and out’ of intense perspectives, such as activist causes, to understand their moral weight. Simultaneously maintain a broader view to prioritize your efforts among the many important issues in the world, recognizing that no one person can solve everything.

15. Practice Self-Direction

Practice self-direction and conscious choice in all life domains (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, creative). Collaborate on this journey and serve as a role model for others, recognizing the miracle of being able to consciously pilot your own life.

16. Daily Project Oversight

If you’re managing a complex project, personally visit the site daily to observe progress and ensure accountability. This hands-on approach, as demonstrated by successful builders, prevents others from ‘bullshitting’ you and keeps the project on track.