The skills every adult human should have (with Raffi Grinberg)

1. Break Autopilot, Live Intentionally

Decide to live life “on purpose” by consciously choosing actions based on knowledge and intention, rather than passively following ingrained patterns or external expectations.

2. Cultivate Self-Authored Mind

Critically examine your beliefs and values, questioning their origins to ensure your life choices truly align with your desires, not just others’ expectations.

3. Align Goals with Values

Identify your deep, fundamental values and ensure your long-term goals are aligned with them to avoid pursuing paths that ultimately lead to unfulfillment.

4. Discover Your Superpowers

Identify your unique strengths and talents, then actively seek career paths and roles that allow you to lean into these “superpowers” to maximize both earning potential and personal fulfillment.

5. Prioritize Strengths, Not Roundness

Focus on developing your core strengths and addressing weaknesses only if they actively block your potential, rather than striving for a perfectly well-rounded but less impactful skill set.

6. Shift Focus: Impress Those Who Care

Redirect your energy from impressing people who don’t genuinely care about you (e.g., online strangers) to impressing those who do, like close friends and family, by embodying “eulogy values.”

7. Reverse Information Consumption Ratio

Aim to spend 20% of your time consuming information and 80% processing it, rather than the typical reverse, to cultivate a healthier, more well-informed worldview.

8. Cultivate Critical Thinking

Develop healthy skepticism and critical thinking skills by first understanding any message, then actively examining whether you agree with it and why, before internalizing it.

9. Read Non-Fiction Slowly

Read non-fiction slowly, pausing to critically evaluate each claim and consider its implications for your views, to prevent unconsciously assimilating unexamined information.

10. Limit Information Intake

Consciously limit your daily consumption of information (reading, listening) to ensure you have sufficient time for critical thinking and processing.

11. Learn from History, Not News

Prioritize learning from history over daily news consumption, as history offers more profound, timeless lessons about human behavior and societal patterns.

12. Avoid “Achievement Mindset”

Break free from the “achievement mindset” that ties happiness solely to the next accomplishment; instead, pause to appreciate current successes and enjoy the journey.

13. Inoculate Against Rejection

Actively seek out situations where rejection is possible to build resilience; repeated exposure can lessen the pain of rejection, making you more willing to pursue opportunities.

14. Reframe Rejection’s Meaning

When rejected, remind yourself that the other party likely had a limited view of you, which can help alleviate the feeling that your entire personhood has been deemed unworthy.

15. Master Constructive Disagreement

Approach disagreements with genuine curiosity and a desire to learn the other person’s perspective, aiming for mutual benefit rather than winning an argument.

16. Appease the Elephant

In heated discussions, recognize when emotions (the “elephant”) are flaring in yourself or others, and actively try to lower the temperature by apologizing, clarifying intent, and showing you’re on the same side.

17. Practice Empathetic Listening

When disagreeing, first acknowledge the other person’s emotional state, then ask questions to understand their viewpoint, repeat it back for confirmation, and only then share your perspective and problem-solve.

18. Don’t Expect One Partner to Fulfill All

Recognize that no single partner can fulfill all your needs; maintain strong relationships with family, friends, and community to provide diverse support.

19. Commit to Long-Term Relationships

If your goal is a long-term partnership or marriage, prioritize finding a serious relationship early, as building commitment and navigating its complexities takes time.

20. Seek Flaws You Don’t Mind

When looking for a partner, focus on finding someone whose flaws you can tolerate, or even find endearing, rather than searching for an unrealistic “perfect” person.

21. Date as a Treasure Hunt

Approach dating as an adventure, using diverse tactics (social events, friend setups, online apps) to maximize your chances of finding a compatible partner.

22. Use Compatibility Framework

When evaluating a relationship, categorize compatibility into “good,” “bad,” and “unknown” piles; consider committing if the “good” aspects outweigh the combined “bad” and potential “unknown” negatives.

23. Actively Unearth Relationship Unknowns

Proactively engage in experiences and deep conversations with a partner to uncover “unknowns” about your compatibility, accelerating your understanding and decision-making.

24. Invest for Retirement

Start saving money for retirement early by investing, as the power of compounding growth will significantly reduce the total amount you personally need to save.

25. Optimize Taxes with Credits/Deductions

Learn the crucial difference between tax credits (direct tax reduction) and deductions (income reduction for tax purposes) to strategically minimize your tax burden.

26. Retain Tax Records for 7 Years

Keep all your tax-related documents and records for up to seven years, as the IRS can request information from past years for audits.

27. Utilize Tax-Advantaged Accounts

Invest your retirement savings in tax-advantaged accounts like 401ks or IRAs to protect your compound growth from being eroded by annual taxes.

28. Invest in Index Funds

For long-term savings, invest primarily in broad market index funds (e.g., S&P 500) rather than individual stocks, as they offer diversification and historically strong returns over long periods.

29. Treat Career Exploration as Second Job

Actively dedicate time and effort to exploring your long-term career path, treating it as a “second job” alongside your current employment, to ensure personal fulfillment and maximize earning potential.

30. Network Through Curiosity

Reframe networking as following your genuine curiosity about interesting people and their work, rather than a formal, uncomfortable obligation, to build authentic and valuable connections.

31. Proactive Informational Interviews

Identify interesting jobs and individuals on platforms like LinkedIn, reach out for informational interviews, and always ask for two more connections at the end to grow your network exponentially.

32. Negotiate Non-Adversarially

When negotiating a raise or promotion, adopt a collaborative, non-adversarial stance by clearly stating your positive intentions and shared goals with your employer.

33. Demonstrate Next-Level Work

To justify a raise or promotion, show that you are already performing the responsibilities of the next level, framing the request as formal recognition of your existing contributions.

34. Prioritize Growth in Early Career

In early career negotiations, prioritize opportunities for learning and growth (e.g., senior meetings, travel, new responsibilities) over small salary increases, as these will maximize long-term earning potential.