When is suffering good? (with Paul Bloom)

1. Embrace Motivational Pluralism

Acknowledge that humans are driven by a diverse set of intrinsic values (e.g., pleasure, meaning, morality, truth, beauty) rather than a single one. Strive to find a healthy balance among these multiple appetites in life.

2. Seek Chosen Suffering

Intentionally seek out certain forms of suffering (e.g., horror movies, spicy food, challenging physical activities) as it can enhance pleasure through contrast and imbue life with greater meaning.

3. Engage in Immersive Activities

Participate in activities that demand intense focus, like martial arts or bouldering, to achieve a state of immersion and temporary escape from self-preoccupation, which can be powerful and clarifying.

4. Practice Gratitude via Imagined Loss

To deepen gratitude, briefly imagine losing something you value, then appreciate its presence. Exercise caution, as this technique can be too intense or upsetting for some individuals.

5. Seek Challenging Goals

Choose pursuits that inherently involve difficulty and the possibility of failure, as the struggle and challenge are what make these activities meaningful and satisfying, rather than easy victories.

6. Value Goal Pursuit and Balance

Recognize that the process of pursuing a goal, including struggle and occasional failure, is often more satisfying than the achievement itself. Maintain a balance between striving and occasional success to sustain motivation.

7. Prioritize Compassion Over Empathy

Cultivate compassion (caring about others’ welfare and wanting to help) rather than emotional empathy (feeling what others feel), as empathy can sometimes be unhelpful while compassion leads to more effective support.

8. Improve Relationships with Psychology

Recognize that many relationship problems stem from misunderstandings of psychological processes, such as automatic habits (e.g., checking a phone) being misinterpreted as a lack of care, rather than a deliberate choice.

9. Apply “What If You Had To?”

When facing a task you feel unable to do, use the thought experiment: “What if you had to do it?” This reframing can reveal hidden strategies and motivations by forcing your brain to consider actions it would take under extreme necessity.

10. Reject Semantic Selfishness

Be wary of arguments that claim all actions are ultimately selfish because they are “what you want to do”; recognize that genuine altruism and care for others can be intrinsic motivations, not just a pursuit of personal pleasure or avoidance of guilt.

11. Distinguish Intrinsic from Instrumental Values

Reflect on your motivations to discern whether you value something for its own sake (intrinsic value) or as a means to achieve something else (instrumental value), recognizing that morality can be an intrinsic value.

12. Differentiate Wanting from Liking

Understand that “wanting” (desire) and “liking” (pleasure) are distinct psychological processes; something can be strongly wanted (e.g., an addictive drug) without being genuinely liked or pleasurable.

13. Reframe Suffering as Progress

Adopt a mindset where suffering during challenging endeavors (e.g., ultra-running) is reframed as a metric of performance, indicating you are doing a better job and pushing your limits.

14. Embrace Contrast for Pleasure

Understand that intense pleasure often requires a preceding experience of non-pleasure or mild suffering; embrace this contrast (e.g., hot sauna followed by a cold lake) to heighten the positive experience.

15. Avoid “Bad Flow States”

Be wary of activities (like social media or overly gamified tasks) that provide constant, immediate, but ultimately unsatisfying rewards, as they can lead to a “bad flow state” that feels like a waste of time upon reflection.

16. Assess Character in Moral Judgments

When making moral judgments, consider the underlying character of the person rather than solely focusing on the action itself, as certain behaviors (e.g., animal cruelty) can reveal deep character flaws.

17. Recognize Subtle Coercion

Be aware that coercion can extend beyond direct force, encompassing situations where extreme incentives or offers (especially those causing needless suffering or violating personal values) can make someone feel they have no real choice.

18. Be Aware of Signaling in Criticism

Recognize that public criticism or disapproval often serves as a signal of one’s own virtue or non-involvement in the criticized behavior, particularly for transgressions where one might otherwise be suspected.

19. Understand Costly Signals

Be aware that strongly attacking others for a transgression can serve as a “costly signal” of your own innocence, as it demonstrates a commitment against the behavior that would be difficult for a guilty person to maintain.

20. Understand Sociopaths’ Ethical Drivers

Recognize that sociopaths, lacking typical moral emotions, can still behave ethically if guided by strong ideologies (e.g., religious beliefs, effective altruism) or self-interest, but exercise caution as their motivations differ from neurotypical individuals.

21. Recognize Societal Vulnerabilities

Understand that many societal protections and verification systems (e.g., checking references, documents) are designed for individuals with a conscience and are highly ineffective against those who are remorseless and willing to lie or forge without hesitation.

22. Optimize Trait Levels

Recognize that many personality traits (e.g., callousness, anxiety) exist on a continuum, and there’s an optimal level for each that depends on context; too much or too little of a trait can be disadvantageous.