A Four-Word Buddhist Teaching for Instant Calm and (Just Maybe) Lasting Peace | Bart van Melik
Guest Bart van Melik, a meditation teacher and psychotherapist, discusses "Keep calmly knowing change" as a core Buddhist teaching. He offers tips on introducing meditation to children, explores the three dimensions of mindfulness, and advises on examining "useless speech" (sampappalāpa) to foster genuine connection.
Deep Dive Analysis
6 Topic Outline
Value of calmly knowing change and impermanence
Introducing meditation to children gently
Three dimensions of mindfulness practice
Examining connecting through venting and 'useless speech'
The importance of community in meditation
Closing dedication: coming home to the body and community
3 Key Concepts
Keep Calmly Knowing Change
This phrase, derived from a modern scholar's summary of Buddhist teachings, encapsulates mindfulness as a continuous, kind, and receptive awareness of life's constant flow. It suggests that attuning to this inherent change brings peace and freedom.
Three Dimensions of Mindfulness
Mindfulness can be practiced in three ways: internally (observing one's own mind states and body sensations), externally (noticing the breath or presence of others), and relationally (being aware of the co-created field between individuals in interaction.
Sampappalāpa (Useless Speech)
A Pali term from Buddhist teachings referring to speech that doesn't really matter or serve a meaningful purpose. The underlying urge for such speech is often a desire for attention, a 'look at me' impulse.
4 Questions Answered
Attuning to the constant flow of things helps one realize that clinging to things makes no sense, bringing a sense of peace and freedom, even when change itself can be terrifying.
Start by acknowledging that not all children are receptive to formal meditation. Practice external mindfulness, such as observing a child's belly rise and fall with their breath, and integrate mindfulness into shared enjoyable activities rather than formal techniques.
It's worth examining closely; pause to reflect on the motivation behind it, observe how your words land with the other person, and consider if the urge is often a desire for attention rather than genuine connection.
Referred to as 'sampappalāpa' in Pali, it describes saying things that don't truly matter. This type of speech is often driven by an underlying urge for attention, a 'look at me' impulse.
8 Actionable Insights
1. Attune to Flow of Change
Attune to the constant flow of things, even for a moment, to realize the futility of clinging and experience peace and freedom, as change is the truth of life.
2. Practice Three-Dimensional Mindfulness
Expand your mindfulness practice beyond internal mind states to include external awareness (e.g., noticing others’ breath) and relational awareness (the field you co-create), understanding how you impact and are impacted by others.
3. Examine Useless Speech (Sampappalāpa)
When you feel the urge to engage in “useless speech” like venting or complaining, pause to reflect on your motivation (e.g., “look at me”), observe how your words land with others, and occasionally choose not to speak to see what happens.
4. Come Home to the Body
Regularly return to your embodied experience, especially during interactions, to stay connected to your physical self, as this awareness can protect you and provide a sense of grounding.
5. Mindful Shared Activities with Kids
For older children, introduce mindfulness gently by engaging in enjoyable activities together, then discuss what it’s like to be present in the moment and how they feel afterward, avoiding making meditation seem difficult or boring.
6. Meditate on Child’s Breath
When your child is young (e.g., 10 months old), use their belly’s rise and fall as an external object of meditation, becoming aware of their breath as an anchor to observe change.
7. Appreciate Community Support
Take time to appreciate your presence in a community, as strong community connections are essential for sustaining personal practices like meditation.
8. Recollect Your Good Deeds
Make it a regular practice to recollect and appreciate the good actions you perform, as this is a helpful way to acknowledge positive contributions.
5 Key Quotes
If I had to sum up all of the Buddhist teachings on mindfulness in four words, I would go, keep, calmly, knowing, change.
Bart Van Melik
All things in the material and mental world come and go. Keep practicing wholeheartedly.
The Buddha
Not every child is into meditation, too. I would start by saying that.
Lou (Bart's son)
If you check out the next time you have the urge to say something that doesn't really matter, often the urge is, look at me.
Dan Harris
The reason I'm on this path still is because of community. I would have definitely stopped meditating.
Bart Van Melik
2 Protocols
Introducing Mindfulness to Children
Bart Van Melik- Acknowledge that not all children are receptive to formal meditation.
- Practice external mindfulness, like observing your child's belly rise and fall with their breath.
- Engage in shared enjoyable activities (e.g., running) and discuss what it feels like to be fully present.
- Ask reflective questions, such as 'How do you feel afterwards?'
- Avoid presenting meditation as difficult, boring, or requiring stillness.
Examining the Urge to Vent or Complain
Bart Van Melik and Dan Harris- When you catch yourself venting or complaining, pause and reflect on your motivation.
- Be mindful of external cues, noticing how your words are landing with the other person.
- Experiment with not acting on the urge to vent; instead, wait for the other person to speak.
- Consider if the urge to engage in 'useless speech' (sampappalāpa) is often a desire for attention.