A Thing Most Men Won't Talk About | Aaron Flores
Aaron Flores, a registered dietitian nutritionist, discusses intuitive eating, how men experience body image issues, and the relationship between diet culture and capitalism. He also covers "health at every size" and the role of self-compassion.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Introduction to Men's Body Image and Intuitive Eating
Aaron Flores' Personal Journey to Intuitive Eating
Defining Traditional Dieting vs. Intuitive Eating
Reasons Men Avoid Discussing Body Image Issues
Impact of Masculinity and Societal Judgment on Men
Addressing Fatphobia and Societal Acceptance
Men's Indirect Expressions of Body Image Struggles
Intuitive Eating's Approach to Exercise and Movement
Strategies for Deeper Conversations Among Men
The Link Between Diet Culture and Capitalism
"Our Body Is Not a Project" Philosophy
Understanding and Defending Health At Every Size (HAES)
Guidelines for Parents on Raising Intuitive Eaters
Practicing Self-Compassion in Food and Body Image
5 Key Concepts
Intuitive Eating
A framework with 10 principles for healing one's relationship with food, focusing on unconditional permission to eat, eating for physical rather than emotional reasons, relying on internal hunger/fullness cues, and body-food congruence. It aims to nurture innate eating skills rather than follow rigid rules.
Diet Culture
A pervasive societal mindset that promotes rigid rules around food, body size, and appearance, often driven by the pursuit of thinness and profit. It leads to cycles of restriction, weight regain, and body shame.
Body Food Congruence
One of the four core practices of intuitive eaters, it refers to the ability to notice and understand how different foods make one feel and how they land in the body, once the emotional and cultural noise around eating is removed.
Health At Every Size (HAES)
A paradigm that rejects diet culture, advocating for five principles: weight inclusivity, health enhancement, respectful care, eating for well-being, and life-enhancing movement. It focuses on supporting health behaviors for their own sake, rather than for weight control.
Division of Responsibility (Parenting)
A concept for parents to foster healthy eating habits in children, where parents are responsible for providing food (what, when, where), and children are responsible for deciding how much and whether to eat from the offered options.
9 Questions Answered
Traditional dieting involves rigid rules, calorie counting, and restriction to make the body smaller, while intuitive eating focuses on unconditional permission to eat, listening to internal hunger/fullness cues, and healing one's relationship with food.
Men are often socialized to suppress feelings and are ridiculed for showing vulnerability, leading to a silence around body image, which is often dismissed or joked about in "bro culture."
Weight stigma creates fear and shame, making men in larger bodies reluctant to go to the gym or participate in movement activities because they feel judged or that others are working out "to not look like me."
Instead of viewing movement as a "should" for weight control or performance metrics, intuitive eating encourages finding joyful, sustainable, and accessible forms of movement that feel good to the body and relieve stress, without external tracking.
The diet industry profits immensely from people repeatedly going on diets that ultimately fail, and capitalism ties an individual's worthiness (especially for men) to external success and control, extending to the idea that bodies are projects needing constant fixing.
This phrase challenges the idea that one's body is something that constantly needs fixing or attention through dieting and restriction. Instead, it advocates for caring for the body through stress management, connection, joyful movement, and mindful eating, without focusing on weight.
HAES principles include weight inclusivity (respecting body diversity), health enhancement (equal access to quality healthcare for all body sizes), respectful care (considering factors beyond weight like race, gender, socioeconomic status), eating for well-being (flexible eating patterns), and life-enhancing movement (joyful, accessible movement).
Parents should create a home where all bodies are loved, be mindful of their own body talk, nurture children's innate intuitive eating skills, practice a "division of responsibility" at mealtimes, and be aware of how their own biases about weight might influence their approach to food.
Self-compassion involves acknowledging that one is doing the best they can with the tools available, letting go of the pursuit of perfection, recognizing that struggles are not isolated, and nurturing a kinder inner voice to counter the inner critic.
21 Actionable Insights
1. Care for Your Body
Shift your mindset from viewing your body as a project that needs fixing to seeing it as something that needs care, focusing on well-being rather than correction.
2. Apply Intuitive Eating Principles
Grant yourself unconditional permission to eat, eat for physical rather than emotional reasons, rely on internal hunger and fullness cues, and practice body-food congruence by noticing how food makes you feel without emotional noise.
3. Choose Joyful Movement
Select forms of physical movement that you genuinely enjoy and that feel good to you, rather than what you ‘should’ do, as enjoyment makes it sustainable long-term.
4. Broaden Self-Care
Expand self-care beyond just food and exercise to include stress and anxiety management, meaningful connection with others, joyful movement, and mindful eating (being present with flavor and texture).
5. Embrace Imperfection
Practice self-compassion by acknowledging that you are doing the best you can with the tools you have, letting go of the pursuit of perfection, and recognizing that progress is a process with good and bad days.
6. Nurture Compassionate Inner Voice
Actively work to quiet your unhelpful inner critic and intentionally nurture a new, compassionate inner voice, giving it greater space in your dialogue about your body and experiences.
7. Listen to Body for Movement
Discard tracking devices like Apple Watches or Fitbits and instead listen to your body’s internal cues to determine when you’ve had enough movement for the day, fostering contentment without external validation.
8. Set Boundaries on Food Talk
Set clear boundaries with friends and family by stating that you prefer not to discuss diets, weight loss, or body image, and instead focus on deeper conversations.
9. Find Empathetic Support
Seek out one or two close friends who can offer empathy and hold space for your struggles without trying to fix them, as this kind of support is crucial for healing.
10. Protect Self from Body Scrutiny
Set boundaries to limit exposure to intense scrutiny or negativity around body image, as this can foster greater self-compassion and protect your own well-being.
11. Practice Gratitude in Exercise
When exercising, especially if pushing too hard, drop a word like ‘gratitude’ into your mind to appreciate your working body and find delight in movement, rather than focusing solely on performance metrics.
12. Learn from Eating Episodes
Instead of self-criticism after periods of mindless eating, adopt a self-compassionate attitude by asking ‘What did I learn from that?’ and recognize that you can start over immediately.
13. Nurture Kids’ Intuitive Eating
Nurture your children’s innate ability to eat intuitively by giving them space to learn when and how much to eat, understanding that they will go through phases and need to build these skills.
14. Foster Body Diversity Acceptance
Create a home environment where all body types are loved and respected, embracing body diversity and avoiding negative comments about your own or others’ bodies.
15. Monitor Body Talk Around Kids
Be highly cognizant of how you talk about your own body and others’ bodies, as children internalize these messages; avoid using negative or ‘weaponized’ language about body size or appearance.
16. Division of Responsibility in Feeding
Adopt Ellen Satter’s ‘division of responsibility’ by providing varied foods at mealtime, allowing your child to choose what and how much they eat from what’s offered, and avoiding comments or pressure.
17. Validate Children’s Emotions
As a parent, break the cycle of emotional suppression by teaching your children that all their emotions (anger, sadness, joy, fear) are valid and should be cherished and expressed, not bottled up.
18. Acknowledge Weight Bias in Parenting
Recognize and address your own biases and fears about your child’s weight gain, as these can significantly influence your approach to food and body image within the home.
19. Model Self-Correction to Children
Model self-compassion by circling back with your children when you’ve mishandled a situation or made a negative comment about your body, explaining that you are learning and trying to do better.
20. Recognize Shared Struggle
Foster self-compassion by recognizing that your struggles with body image or discomfort are not isolated; share your experiences to connect with others who understand.
21. Challenge Masculine Norms
Recognize that traditional masculinity often discourages expressing raw feelings, leading to silence around body image issues; challenge this by creating safe spaces for vulnerability.
8 Key Quotes
I don't want to go to the gym because I feel like everyone there is working out to not look like me.
Aaron Flores (quoting a client)
Our body is not a project.
Aaron Flores
If I'm making you uncomfortable, I'm probably doing the right thing. Like, this is probably a space that we can occupy, right, safely and together. But it's probably going to lead to some growth.
Aaron Flores
If diets worked, we'd be on one and then we would never be on another.
Aaron Flores
My worth in this world, right, especially from a male perspective, is determined by how successful I am, right? My worth as a man is set forth by how much money I make, how well I do in my job, how my career advances.
Aaron Flores
I'm doing the best I can with the tools I have right now.
Aaron Flores (referencing Kristen Neff)
Judge me by my size, do you?
Aaron Flores (quoting Yoda from Star Wars)
Rebellions are built on hope.
Aaron Flores (quoting from Rogue One)
1 Protocols
Parental Guidelines for Raising Competent/Intuitive Eaters
Aaron Flores (referencing Ellen Satter, Amy Severson, and Sumner Brooks)- Create a home environment where all bodies are loved and respected, embracing body diversity.
- Be cognizant of how your own relationship with food and body (e.g., negative self-talk) impacts your children.
- Nurture children's innate intuitive eating skills by giving them space to learn when and how much to eat.
- Implement a "division of responsibility" where parents provide the food, and children decide what and how much to eat.
- Recognize and address your own biases and fears about a child's weight gain, as these can influence the household's approach to food.