Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents
Glennon Doyle, author and activist, discusses her journey through anorexia recovery, rethinking non-negotiables, and embracing embodiment. She shares how stepping away from hustle and social media allowed her to reconnect with her intuition and body's wisdom.
Deep Dive Analysis
11 Topic Outline
Glennon Doyle's Current Life Inflection Point
Rethinking 'Non-Negotiables' and Anorexia Recovery
The Challenge of Social Media and Embodiment
Monetizing Life Experiences and Self-Objectification
Parental Fragility and Generational Narratives
The Evolution of Writing and Personal Growth
Practical Steps for Embodiment and Healing Trauma
Deconstructing Hustle Culture and Discipline
The Power of Intuitive Living
Internal Family Systems and the Concept of Self
Finding Ecstasy and a Strong Self
6 Key Concepts
Embodiment
The practice of dropping out of one's head and into the whole body, listening to its signals (hunger, tiredness, sadness, joy), and being present. It involves understanding oneself as 'a body' rather than 'having a body,' recognizing the wisdom in bodily sensations, and allowing suppressed feelings and memories to rise.
Self-Objectification
The act of constantly viewing oneself from an external perspective, considering how one is being seen, rather than simply being the subject experiencing life. Glennon connects this to anorexia and the pervasive nature of social media, where the act of being observed changes one's experience.
Parental Fragility
A described tendency, particularly in older generations, to be unable to entertain criticism or reflection on past parenting decisions without feeling like a 'bad parent.' This inability to reflect can hinder growth and deeper connection between generations.
Hustle Culture (Productivity Gospel)
A cultural mindset that, similar to diet culture, encourages living outside oneself, never stopping, and overriding bodily needs and true desires. It emphasizes discipline and external validation over internal well-being, often leading people to climb a 'wrong ladder' of achievement.
Intuitive Living
An approach to life that extends beyond intuitive eating, applying the principle of listening to one's internal wisdom for all aspects of life, including sleep, speaking, and professional choices. It involves trusting one's body and inner signals to guide decisions rather than external rules or expectations.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
A therapeutic model that views the self as a community of 'parts' rather than a singular entity. It suggests that a wise 'Self' can lead these parts, listening to their well-meaning intentions, even if some parts have been exiled or are destructive, to make the best decisions for the whole.
7 Questions Answered
Her current non-negotiable is actually trying not to have non-negotiables, instead focusing on checking in with her internal feelings and desires (e.g., hunger, tiredness, sadness, energy) in each moment.
Glennon believes it might be impossible to learn embodiment while constantly projecting an image of oneself onto the world, as the act of observing and being observed can interrupt genuine moments and lead to disembodiment.
One way is to consciously stop turning beautiful personal moments into 'content' for external sharing, and instead allow oneself to keep those experiences purely for oneself, finding joy in the private experience rather than the public perception.
She found it crucial to shift from 'I have a body' (treating it as an accessory to control) to 'I am a body' (seeing it as integral to her identity, full of wisdom and signals like tiredness or hunger).
Both cultures require individuals to live outside themselves, ignore bodily needs, and constantly strive for external validation through discipline, rather than listening to internal desires or what truly brings happiness.
Glennon suggests allowing oneself to first acknowledge and be angry about past hurts, but then widening one's perspective to see how each generation, including one's parents, was simply doing their best to move forward given their own circumstances and lineage.
Glennon, drawing on Internal Family Systems, views the self as a community of parts led by a wiser, undamaged 'Self' that can listen to all other parts. The ultimate goal is not to 'find' a fixed self, but to stop trying to define it and simply live life, which she finds to be a terrifying relief.
30 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Internal Check-ins
Instead of living by strict non-negotiables, try to wake up each day and hourly check in with your internal state (e.g., hunger, tiredness, sadness, energy) to guide your actions. This helps you listen to your body and desires rather than external rules.
2. Step Off The Wheel
To truly understand how you feel and what you want, consider taking a significant break from your usual routines and external pressures, such as stopping travel or speaking engagements. This allows you to create space for self-reflection and re-engagement with your inner world.
3. Trust Body’s Inherent Wisdom
Recognize and trust that your body possesses inherent wisdom, much like an acorn contains the blueprint for an oak tree. This means listening to its signals (e.g., tiredness, hunger) and allowing it to express its needs, rather than relying solely on external rules or controls.
4. Practice Intuitive Living
Extend the concept of intuitive eating to an ‘intuitive life,’ meaning you try to intuitively sleep, speak, and only engage in professional activities that genuinely make you feel happy, light, and curious. This involves listening to your inner wisdom across various domains.
5. Embrace “I Am A Body”
To foster embodiment, consciously change your language from ‘I have a body’ to ‘I am a body.’ This shift helps to integrate your physical self as an intrinsic part of who you are, rather than an accessory to be controlled or perfected.
6. Disengage From Social Media
If you are working on embodiment and find that constantly projecting an image of yourself on social media hinders this process, consider temporarily or permanently disengaging from it. For some, this separation is necessary to prevent self-objectification and stay present.
7. Question Hustle Culture
Critically examine ‘hustle culture’ and its emphasis on constant discipline, productivity, and external achievements. Recognize that this culture often requires you to ignore your bodily needs and true desires, potentially leading you down the ‘wrong ladder’ of happiness.
8. Utilize Internal Family Systems
Employ the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model to view yourself as a community of internal ‘parts,’ with a wise, calm ‘Self’ at the head of the table. Listen to all your parts, understanding they mean well, and allow the ‘Self’ to make the best decisions for your overall well-being.
9. Stop Defining “Who I Am”
Instead of constantly trying to define or ‘figure out who you are,’ practice letting go of that quest. This can lead to a terrifying but ultimately liberating relief, allowing you to simply live life rather than trying to solidify a fixed self.
10. Walk Daily To Process Emotions
Incorporate a daily walk into your routine, as this practice can create space for previously ignored feelings, memories, and unresolved family-of-origin issues to rise to the surface. This allows for deeper processing and healing beyond just stopping problematic behaviors.
11. Remove Policing Clothes
Purge your wardrobe of clothes that are too tight or serve as an external ‘police force,’ giving you negative feedback about your body. Replace them with comfortable items that allow for natural bodily changes, fostering self-acceptance and liberation.
12. Engage With External Beauty
Actively seek out and appreciate external beauty, such as nature or music, as a way to ‘stand outside of yourself’ and prevent excessive inward obsession. This can provide a healthy sense of smallness and relief from constant self-focus.
13. Buy For Personal Enjoyment
When making purchases, choose items because you genuinely like looking at them or using them, rather than considering what others will think about you for having them. This practice helps you become the ‘subject’ of your own life, not an object being looked at.
14. Practice Parental Humility
Strive to avoid ‘parental fragility’ by being open to hearing feedback from your children about things you could have done differently, without feeling it invalidates your parenting. This fosters growth and deeper connection in relationships.
15. Reflect On Past Mistakes
Engage in open reflection about past mistakes and different consciousness, holding them alongside the good aspects of your actions. This practice, especially with family, is crucial for personal growth and strengthening relationships.
16. Process Anger Before Perspective
When processing past hurts or trauma, permit yourself to initially feel and express anger or even ‘vilify’ those involved, allowing that part of yourself to be heard. This emotional release can be a necessary step before you can widen your perspective and achieve understanding.
17. Understand Lineage For Forgiveness
After allowing yourself to process initial anger, strive to view past generations’ actions within the context of their lineage and the challenges they faced. This perspective can lead to understanding and forgiveness, recognizing that each generation moves the ‘ball 10 yards down the field.’
18. Implement Temporary Strict Rules
If you’ve lost the ability to trust your internal signals (e.g., due to an eating disorder), it may be necessary to temporarily implement strict external rules, like eating three meals a day, to regain a baseline of sanity and presence in your body.
19. Assess Joy and Dread
Consistently stop and evaluate what activities or situations genuinely make you feel good, bring you joy, or conversely, cause dread. This practice helps you avoid blindly pursuing external definitions of happiness and align with your true desires.
20. Embrace Less External Relevance
To find deeper contentment and happiness, be willing to accept a decrease in external relevance or public visibility. This shift allows you to prioritize internal well-being over external validation.
21. Don’t Monetize Every Moment
Be mindful of the tendency to view every personal experience as potential ‘content’ for public consumption, as this can lead to ‘intrapersonal violence’ and prevent genuine enjoyment of the moment. Allow some experiences to remain private and for yourself.
22. Reframe Social Media Content
When viewing social media, recognize that many images represent an interruption of a moment rather than the moment itself, as people often pause to capture and post. This reframing can help you critically assess the perceived reality of online content.
23. Cultivate A Seeker’s Mindset
Cultivate a mindset of continuous seeking for answers and truth, rather than settling on definitive ‘findings.’ For some, believing they have found the answer can lead to rigidity or susceptibility to external influences.
24. Eliminate Unhealthy Behaviors
When working on personal growth, if you can clearly identify a behavior that is currently unhealthy for you, it may be necessary to temporarily eliminate it entirely. This creates space for healing and developing healthier patterns.
25. Recognize Disembodiment Feelings
Become aware of the sensation of ’leaving your body’ or detaching from the present moment to observe yourself, such as when preparing to take a picture. Recognizing this feeling of disembodiment can help you choose to stay present.
26. Observe Pinnacle Achievers’ Happiness
If you are pursuing a certain path or goal, observe the well-being of those who have reached its ‘pinnacle.’ If they appear miserable, it may indicate you are climbing the ‘wrong ladder’ and should re-evaluate your direction.
27. Write When A New Person
If you are a writer, consider waiting to create new significant works until you feel you have become a ‘whole other person’ and are so compelled that you ‘can’t not’ write. This ensures the work comes from a place of genuine transformation and new insight.
28. Discuss Generational Trauma Openly
Be willing to openly discuss and process generational trauma and difficult family histories, recognizing this as a valuable contribution to your lineage. This honesty can prevent the perpetuation of unaddressed issues and foster healing for future generations.
29. Journey From Somebody To Nobody
Recognize that the process of personal growth may involve first establishing a sense of ‘somebody’ (a self, an identity) before one can truly experience the liberation of ’nobody’ (no solid, fixed self). This understanding can make the journey less terrifying.
30. Learn Death’s Lessons Now
Consider how understanding the impermanence and non-self aspects often associated with death can make the experience of life itself less terrifying. By integrating these lessons now, you can approach life with greater peace.
8 Key Quotes
My non-negotiable is that I'm trying not to have non-negotiables.
Glennon Doyle
The actual image on social media is proof of the interruption of the beautiful moment.
Glennon Doyle
I don't want to live a life that's not the one I would were I not being observed.
Glennon Doyle
What I thought was my personality was actually just a freaking list of symptoms.
Glennon Doyle
If your entire life is based on discipline, then that means you're a disciple of something. Like, what am I a disciple of?
Glennon Doyle
Whatever is the culture that you're in or the hamster wheel you're on that requires you not to feel your own feelings or, you know, indulge your own exhaustion or be fully human, that's probably something you're being sold. It's benefiting somebody else.
Glennon Doyle
The idea that maybe there is no self for me to discover and that maybe there's just life to live feels like a terrifying relief.
Glennon Doyle
You have to be somebody before you can become nobody.
Dan Harris
1 Protocols
Glennon Doyle's Initial Anorexia Recovery Protocol
Glennon Doyle- Eat three meals a day.
- Completely step off the 'wheel' of constant activity (e.g., stop traveling, speaking) for a year to notice how you truly feel and what you want.
- Go for a walk every single morning to allow suppressed memories and family-of-origin issues to rise.
- Consciously shift language from 'I have a body' to 'I am a body' to foster a sense of integration and recognize bodily wisdom.
- Remove clothes that act as an 'outside police force' (i.e., too tight garments) from one's closet, replacing them with comfortable items that don't provide external feedback.
- Allow the 'little part of myself' that feels angry or hurt to be heard and express itself, even if it involves vilifying past actions, as a necessary step before reaching a wider, more compassionate perspective.