The Funniest Conversation You'll Ever Hear About Achieving Inner Peace | Pete Holmes
Comedian, writer, and actor Pete Holmes discusses his evangelical upbringing, journey through psychedelics and mysticism, and his meditation practice. He shares insights on awareness, the role of affirmations, and finding peace of mind through service and connection.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Introduction to Pete Holmes and Episode Themes
Pete Holmes' Evangelical Upbringing and Early Beliefs
Crisis of Faith and Exploration of Atheism
Psychedelic Experience and Discovery of Mysticism
Reinterpreting Christianity Through a Mystical Lens
Defining God as Awareness and the Nature of Existence
Meditation as Recognizing One's True Nature
The Difference Between Happiness and Peace of Mind
Modalities for Cultivating Peace of Mind
Understanding Affirmation Addiction and Wholeness
The Importance of 'Mask Work' and Outlets for Expression
Applying Spiritual Concepts to Daily Life and Imperfection
The 'Pathless Path' Approach to Meditation
Laughter as an Experience of the Void
The Power of the 'Yes, Thank You' Mantra
12 Key Concepts
Horatheist
A term Pete coined to describe the relief experienced when letting go of the belief that those outside one's specific religion are condemned to hell. It signifies a liberation from a heavy burden, rather than a feeling of isolation.
Witnessing Presence
An experience, particularly during a psychedelic trip, where one perceives oneself as the observer or 'that with which I was seeing,' distinct from the ego or personal identity. It's a break from the usual 'Pete' self.
Mystical Lens
An approach to understanding religious texts and traditions by focusing on their evocative, metaphorical meaning rather than literal accuracy. This perspective aims to inspire a personal, ineffable experience of the divine or mystery, rather than to win debates or convert people.
God as Awareness
Pete's current understanding of 'God' as the background, consciousness, or knowing in which all experience appears. It is described as 'what is, but does not exist' because it doesn't stand out from the background, being the very screen upon which all phenomena are known.
Nature of Existence as Love
The idea that awareness, as the fundamental background of all experience, is inherently accepting and non-resistant, allowing everything to appear within it. This quality of welcoming and support is likened to love.
Seeing by Dividing (Vipassana)
A mindfulness technique where one investigates a seemingly monolithic feeling or sensation by breaking it down into its constituent, fluxing parts, such as buzzing in the chest or a starburst of thoughts. This process can diminish the feeling's power by revealing its impermanent and composite nature.
Passive Voice Practice
A meditation technique, taught by Joseph Goldstein, that involves linguistically shifting one's perspective from 'I am knowing these sensations' to 'these sensations are being known.' This prompts an inquiry into 'known by what?' turning awareness back on itself to reveal the nature of the knower.
Self-Luminous/Self-Knowing
The concept that awareness not only illuminates or makes experience knowable but also illuminates itself, meaning it is inherently self-aware and self-knowing. It is like the sun, which is both a source of light and self-illuminating.
Peace that Passeth Understanding
A biblical phrase Pete uses to describe a lasting, self-abiding peace of mind that transcends conceptual understanding and is not dependent on external circumstances. It contrasts with fleeting happiness derived from external events.
Affirmation Addiction
Pete's self-description of his deep-seated drive to seek external validation, such as laughter or praise, as a means to feel safe and avoid feeling like a 'wicked boy.' He views it as a wound that paradoxically fuels connection and service to others.
Mask Work
The conscious practice of expressing different facets of one's personality or identity through various outlets, such as performing comedy, engaging in 'salty' conversations with friends, or drag. This allows for a more integrated and 'deeply happy' self by providing allowances for diverse expressions.
Pathless Path
A meditation approach, taught by Rupert Spira, that emphasizes directly recognizing one's true nature as awareness, rather than following progressive steps or techniques. It involves 'resting' or 'self-abiding' in what one already is, likened to enlightenment belonging to the 'supremely lazy individual'.
10 Questions Answered
His upbringing led him to deeply believe in the church's teachings, including a transactional relationship with God, which was shattered when his first wife left him, prompting a crisis of faith and exploration of atheism and mysticism.
His mushroom trip at Bonnaroo wasn't a religious vision but a profound experience of seeing himself as a 'witnessing presence,' separate from his ego, which opened him to the ineffable nature of reality and led him to explore mysticism.
He interprets Christian teachings through a 'mystical lens,' viewing stories like the Prodigal Son as metaphors for remembering one's inherent connection to a loving, accepting divine, rather than as literal accounts requiring atonement for sin.
For Pete, 'God' refers to 'awareness,' 'consciousness,' or 'knowing' – the background out of which all experience arises and in which everything is made knowable, which he also describes as the 'nature of existence is love.'
Meditation helps one recognize that they are already this 'fresh allowing' or 'spacious' field of knowing, mimicking one's own nature, rather than trying to conjure something new.
Pete distinguishes between fleeting, external happiness (like from eating ice cream) and a lasting, self-abiding peace of mind that comes from getting familiar with one's true nature, which persists even when external circumstances are difficult.
He views his need for affirmation as a drive for safety and connection, which, while a 'wound,' also serves as a catalyst for engaging with others and realizing the interconnectedness of all beings.
He acknowledges it's a constant effort, 'breath by breath,' and that forgetting is part of the process, not a flaw. He also uses 'mask work' and various outlets to express different parts of himself, preventing burnout and allowing for different forms of connection.
Laughter, like deep sleep or a flow state, can bring one to 'zero' or a 'void,' a temporary break from troubles and the ego, allowing a taste of one's true, essential nature.
'Yes, Thank You' is a mantra Pete uses to short-circuit the brain's aversion to negative experiences. By accepting and even giving thanks for an unwanted situation, it releases the energy of resistance and can lead to a feeling of lightness or peace.
15 Actionable Insights
1. Align with Your True Nature
Recognize that “God” or “Awareness” is your true, underlying nature, described as spacious, allowing, and peaceful. Meditate to know yourself as this fresh, accommodating field of knowing, rather than striving to conjure something new.
2. Practice Self-Abiding Meditation
Instead of forcing focus, try to rest into your natural state of awareness, like taking a hot bath. This “pathless path” is about recognizing what you already are, rather than striving to achieve something.
3. Embrace “Yes, Thank You”
When faced with a negative feeling or undesirable situation, internally say “Yes, thank you” to it. This practice helps to release resistance and can instantly lift the feeling by accepting what is.
4. Interpret Religion Mystically
Approach religious stories and dogmas not as literal facts, but as metaphors designed to evoke a personal, ineffable experience of reality. This allows for a deeper, more personal understanding beyond literal interpretation.
5. Prioritize Peace Over Achievement
Instead of living for future “rocking chair moments” of remembering past achievements, focus on cultivating present “peace of mind, self-abiding, self-remembrance.” This offers a more lasting and intrinsic form of happiness.
6. Cultivate Diverse Outlets
Find various outlets or “masks” (e.g., hobbies, specific friends, creative pursuits) to express different parts of your personality, including those you might consider “salty.” This prevents burdening one relationship and fosters deeper happiness.
7. Engage in Service
Actively engage in service or helping other people as a way to find peace of mind and connect with others. This provides an outlet beyond self-indulgent pursuits and fosters connection.
8. Deconstruct Humiliation
When experiencing humiliation, investigate it closely to break it down into its constituent parts, recognizing it’s not a single feeling but a mix. Welcome these feelings “in for tea” to discover underlying aspects, some of which may be blissful.
9. Use Passive Voice Mindfulness
When strong emotions arise, reframe them using the passive voice (e.g., “tightness is being known” instead of “I feel tightness”). Then, inquire “known by what?” to turn awareness back on itself and observe the experience without identifying with it.
10. Accept Forgetting and Remembering
Understand that losing touch with spiritual insights and then returning to them is a natural part of the practice, like a tide coming and going. Do not view forgetting as a flaw, as your true nature remains constant.
11. Practice Hyper-Attunement
In interactions like conversations, performances, or intimate moments, practice “hyper-attunement” by deeply listening and responding to others. This fosters a sense of merging and connection that is deeply satisfying.
12. Embrace Deep Laughter
Engage in deep, uninhibited laughter, as it can provide a temporary escape from troubles and a taste of the “zero” state, where the self and its problems momentarily dissolve.
13. Seek Complementary Partners
For lasting relational happiness, find a partner who finds what is “annoying” or “quirky” about you to be funny or endearing. This fosters deep acceptance and love.
14. Leverage Social Support for Habits
To form and maintain habits, especially meditation, seek out social support such as group sessions or communities. Evidence suggests this makes habit formation much easier.
15. Investigate Chronic Symptoms
If experiencing chronic, undiagnosed symptoms like restless leg syndrome, thoroughly investigate potential causes, as simple solutions like iron supplementation might exist.
10 Key Quotes
Jesus didn't die to change God's mind about you. He died to change our mind about God, that he's in it with us.
Richard Rohr (quoted by Pete Holmes)
You are always with me and everything I have is yours.
Pete Holmes (paraphrasing the father in the Prodigal Son parable)
The whole Christian message is to accept that you are accepted.
Richard Rohr (quoted by Pete Holmes)
What is, but does not exist.
Pete Holmes (Buddhist koan)
The nature of existence is love. It let it in. It gave it support. It was there.
Pete Holmes
I spent the first half of my spiritual life wanting to be right or persuasive or impressive. And now I, my heroes are like the space in this room, accommodating, fresh, clear.
Pete Holmes
Find someone who thinks what's annoying about you is funny.
Pete Holmes
Holy and wholeness, it's the same root, right? We need each other. We belong to each other.
Pete Holmes
If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your parents.
Ram Dass (quoted by Pete Holmes)
Enlightenment belongs to the supremely lazy individual for whom even blinking is too much effort.
Pete Holmes (quoting Rupert Spira)
2 Protocols
Tantric Approach to Emotions
Pete Holmes- Identify an emotional experience, such as humiliation.
- Get as close as possible to the emotion, welcoming it 'in for tea' without resistance.
- Observe the emotion, recognizing it as a complex 'grab bag' of many different feelings.
- Recognize that there is the experience and the knowing of it, and that the experience is 'made of the knowing of it,' which helps to release its grip.
'Yes, Thank You' Mantra Practice
Pete Holmes- When encountering an undesirable or frustrating situation (e.g., a flight delay or disappointment), internally or externally say, 'Yes, thank you.'
- Allow this phrase to short-circuit the brain's natural aversion and resistance to the situation.
- Observe the feeling of release or lightness that often follows, without needing a specific positive outcome from the situation itself.