Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking)
This episode features Tristan DeMontebello, co-creator of UltraSpeaking and a World Championship of Public Speaking finalist, who shares actionable tactics and debunks misconceptions about public speaking. He demonstrates unique exercises and methods to help listeners become more comfortable and effective communicators.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Public Speaking as a Meta Skill
Enjoyment as a Barometer for Effective Speaking
Speaking as a Subconscious, Flow-Oriented Process
Tactical Tip 1: Think Up (Look Confident)
Tactical Tip 2: End Strong (Sound Confident)
Tactical Tip 3: Stay in Character (Feel Confident)
Why Practice Public Speaking with Games
Game 1: The Conductor (Accessing Emotional States)
Mindset Shift: Playing the Game
Game 2: Triple Step (Staying Focused Amid Distractions)
Game 3: Conviction Prompts (Building Executive Presence)
Addressing the 'Bullshitting' Concern
The Accordion Method for Talk Preparation
The Bow and Arrow Technique for Memorable Presentations
Tristan's World Championship Journey Story
8 Key Concepts
Meta Skill
A meta skill is one whose improvement positively impacts all other areas of your life. Public speaking is considered a meta skill because getting better at it can transform how you feel at work, with friends, strangers, and family, leading to overall life improvement.
Enjoyment as a Barometer
If you're not enjoying public speaking, it's a sign that you're likely doing something wrong, such as overthinking or trying to speak unnaturally. Since humans are naturally evolved to speak and find it rewarding, a lack of enjoyment indicates a deviation from an effective approach.
Speaking as Subconscious Process
Effective public speaking is a subconscious, flow-oriented process, rather than a conscious one focused on tactics or frameworks. The goal is to enter and maintain a flow state, where the speaker is fully in tune with their message and not actively thinking about the act of speaking itself.
Root Cause vs. Symptom
Instead of addressing superficial speaking symptoms like filler words or racing speech, it's more effective to identify and solve their underlying root causes. For example, filler words might stem from discomfort with slowing down or pausing under pressure, and addressing this root cause resolves multiple symptoms.
End Strong
This concept refers to the importance of concluding statements with conviction, rather than tapering off or expressing doubt, which is a common tendency. Ending strong ensures the audience retains a positive impression, similar to how a smooth flight is remembered by its landing.
Staying in Character
This involves maintaining a confident demeanor throughout a speech and not 'leaking' internal insecurities or doubts, even if a mistake occurs. Audiences often don't perceive a speaker's internal nervousness unless it's explicitly revealed, and breaking character can undermine perceived confidence.
Turbulence (in speaking games)
In public speaking practice, 'turbulence' refers to deliberately created challenging conditions within games or exercises. These challenges highlight areas for improvement, allowing speakers to build resilience and learn to recover gracefully from mistakes in a low-stakes environment.
Internalized vs. Memorized Speech
An internalized speech is one that is deeply understood and integrated into the speaker's natural thought process, allowing for flexible delivery and adaptation. This is contrasted with a memorized speech, which relies on linear recall and can easily unravel if a single point is forgotten.
8 Questions Answered
The biggest misconception is grossly underestimating how transformative improving public speaking can be to your life, as it is a meta skill that positively impacts all other areas.
If you are not enjoying speaking, it's a sign you are likely doing something wrong, as humans are naturally evolved to communicate and find it rewarding when done authentically.
Instead of looking down, which can convey uncertainty, speakers should look up when pausing to think. This makes them appear thoughtful and confident, reducing the likelihood of interruption.
Speakers should anticipate the natural tendency to 'taper off' or express doubt at the end of a statement and consciously 'land the plane' by making their ending sound conclusive or using summary prompts like 'so to wrap up'.
Speakers should 'stay in character' and avoid 'leaking' their insecurities or doubts, as audiences often don't perceive internal nervousness unless it's explicitly revealed, and doing so can undermine perceived confidence.
Games provide short, deliberate practice with immediate feedback in an enjoyable, low-stakes environment, allowing speakers to internalize skills, build resilience, and push the boundaries of their comfort zone.
The Accordion Method involves iteratively speaking the talk at decreasing and then increasing time constraints (e.g., 3 min down to 30 sec, then back up), which clarifies the core message and internalizes the content without memorization.
Instead of focusing on 'what you want to say,' focus on 'what you want your audience to remember,' ideally distilling it into one clear 'arrow' (a single sentence) supported by compelling 'bow' elements like anecdotes or data.
16 Actionable Insights
1. Transformative Power of Speaking
Recognize that improving your speaking is a meta-skill that enhances all areas of your life, from professional growth to personal relationships, by boosting confidence and energy. The more constrained you feel, the more transformative it will be to tackle this skill.
2. Embrace Speaking as Subconscious Flow
Shift your mindset to view speaking as a natural, subconscious, flow-oriented process rather than a conscious, tactical one. The goal is to get into and stay in a flow state, allowing words to emerge naturally without overthinking.
3. Focus on Root Causes, Not Symptoms
Instead of addressing surface-level symptoms like filler words, identify and solve their root causes, such as discomfort with slowing down or pausing. This approach leads to more profound and lasting improvements in your communication.
4. Use Enjoyment as a Speaking Barometer
If you find speaking unenjoyable, it’s a strong indicator that you are likely overthinking or approaching it incorrectly. Aim to relax and speak more like your natural self, as communication is inherently rewarding when done authentically.
5. Practice Speaking Consistently and Enjoyably
To genuinely improve, actively engage in speaking practice rather than just consuming content about it. Ensure your practice is structured, fun, and intrinsically rewarding to maintain long-term motivation and avoid quitting.
6. Prepare Talks with the Accordion Method
Develop your talks by speaking, not writing, using a structured process of compressing content from longer to shorter durations (e.g., 3 minutes down to 30 seconds) to find its essence. Then, expand back up to internalize the talk, gaining clarity and making it adaptable to different timeframes.
7. Structure Talks with the Bow and Arrow
Shift your focus from what you want to say to what you want your audience to remember, identifying one core ‘arrow’ (a single, memorable sentence) as your North Star. Support this ‘arrow’ by pulling back the ‘bow’ with compelling anecdotes, data points, or stories to maximize its impact.
8. Adopt a ‘Think Up’ Gaze
When pausing to gather your thoughts, consciously look up instead of down. This simple tweak makes you appear thoughtful and confident, reduces the likelihood of interruptions, and improves how your audience perceives you.
9. ‘End Strong’ in Your Communication
Avoid tapering off or expressing self-doubt at the conclusion of your statements, as people tend to remember the ending of an experience most vividly. Use summary prompts like ‘So to wrap up…’ to confidently land your points and leave a strong, positive impression.
10. ‘Stay in Character’ by Not Leaking
Resist the urge to verbalize your internal insecurities or perceived mistakes during a talk, as your audience often cannot discern your nervousness. Maintaining a composed and confident demeanor throughout reinforces positive perception and prevents self-sabotage.
11. Use Games for Deliberate Practice
Incorporate short, deliberate practice sessions using ‘games’ that provide immediate feedback, such as those offered by UltraSpeaking. This method makes learning enjoyable, helps internalize communication skills, and builds confidence in navigating unexpected situations.
12. Cultivate Resilience with Triple Step
Practice integrating random words into a spontaneous speech (like the Triple Step game) to build mental resilience and adaptability. This exercise helps you stay focused and composed even when faced with distractions or unexpected challenges in real-time communication.
13. Enhance Conviction with Prompt Games
Engage in games that use ‘conviction prompts’ (sentence beginnings designed to elicit a strong stance) in spontaneous speaking. This practice helps develop executive presence, forcing you to care more about what you’re saying and deliver ideas with greater belief and impact.
14. Think Out Loud for Natural Insights
When speaking, aim to ’think out loud’ rather than meticulously scripting or overthinking. This approach allows new insights and connections to emerge organically, fostering more authentic, engaging, and spontaneous communication.
15. Design Slides with a ‘One Thing’ Focus
For presentations, ensure each slide has one clear, singular takeaway you want the audience to remember. A pro tip is to make this ‘one thing’ the exact title of the slide for maximum clarity and impact.
16. Don’t Fear the ‘Bullshitter’ Label
If you worry about sounding inauthentic when speaking freely, it indicates you possess an acute awareness of genuine communication, which prevents you from becoming a ‘bullshitter.’ Embrace free expression, trusting your internal compass to guide your authenticity.
7 Key Quotes
Speaking is not a specialized skill. It's a meta skill. And that means that the better you get at speaking, the better your life gets.
Tristan de Montebello
If I'm doing things right, I'm probably enjoying myself. If I'm doing things wrong, particularly with speaking, because again, this is something we're naturally evolved to do.
Tristan de Montebello
The day I understood that speaking was a subconscious, flow oriented process and not a conscious process completely changed the way I approached it.
Tristan de Montebello
Pros are just amateurs who've learned to recover gracefully from their mistakes.
Tristan de Montebello
The cave you fear contains the treasure you seek, that the thing that is hardest often points you in the direction you want to go.
Lenny Rachitsky
One should discover the words they are saying at the same time their audience is.
Tristan de Montebello
These are the good old days.
Tristan de Montebello
5 Protocols
The Conductor Game
Tristan de Montebello- Receive a random speech title.
- Speak for a set duration (e.g., 70 seconds).
- As random numbers (1-10) appear on screen, tap into the corresponding intensity or emotional state (e.g., 7 for high energy, 3 for calm).
- If 'breathe' appears, pause speaking and relax.
- Match energy levels and observe how content and insights change as different states are accessed.
Triple Step Game
Tristan de Montebello- Receive a random speech title.
- Speak for a set duration (e.g., 1 minute).
- As random words or phrases appear, seamlessly integrate them into the ongoing speech as if they were part of it from the beginning.
- Maintain a strong direction for the speech while adapting to the distractions, building resilience and quick thinking.
Conviction Prompts Game
Tristan de Montebello- Receive a random speech title.
- Speak about the topic for a set duration.
- As specific sentence beginnings (conviction prompts) appear, say them out loud and complete the sentence, forcing more conviction into the speech.
- Use these prompts to fast-track into a state of conviction and enhance executive presence.
Accordion Method for Talk Preparation
Tristan de Montebello- (Optional) Write down all initial ideas to get them out of your head.
- Set a timer for a longer duration (e.g., 3 minutes) and speak the talk, focusing on staying in character and ending strong, getting all ideas into spoken word.
- Reflect on what worked and what didn't after the first rep.
- Repeat the talk at progressively shorter time constraints (e.g., 2 minutes, 1 minute, 30 seconds), distilling the content to its essential pieces.
- Do another short rep (e.g., 30 seconds) to solidify the core message and essential points.
- Speak the talk at progressively longer time constraints (e.g., 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes), intentionally expanding on the essential pieces with new insights.
- The goal is to have the talk internalized, not memorized, and adaptable to different timeframes.
Bow and Arrow Technique for Memorable Presentations
Tristan de Montebello- Shift your mindset from focusing on 'what you want to say' to 'what you want your audience to remember.'
- Identify the 'arrow': a single, clear sentence that represents the one thing you want your audience to take away from your talk.
- Develop the 'bow': interesting anecdotes, data points, stories, or emotional illustrations that add weight and impact to your 'arrow.'
- Iteratively refine both the 'arrow' and the 'bow' to ensure they align and powerfully support each other.
- For slide-based presentations, make the title of each slide the 'one thing' you want the audience to take away from that specific slide.