Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief!
Ashley Walters, actor and musician, shares his journey from a traumatic childhood marked by an absent father and anger, to finding success in entertainment. He discusses the profound impact of his father's death, his struggles with self-worth, and the lessons learned about communication, forgiveness, and the value of the journey over the destination.
Deep Dive Analysis
22 Topic Outline
Childhood Trauma and Absent Father's Impact
Anger, Negative Attitude, and Seeking Belonging
Interpreting Father's Absence: Not Good Enough
Reconnecting with Father Before His Death
Father's Illiteracy and Unexpected Intelligence
Father's Passing and Unprocessed Grief
Post-Death Recklessness and Relationship Struggles
Lost Tapes of Father's Last Weeks
Lessons Learned from Dying Father
The Link Between Trauma and Drive
Character Traits for Sustained Success
Challenges and Rejection in the Acting Industry
Turning Rejection into Motivation for Directing
The Pandemic's Impact: Depression and Self-Reflection
Controlling the 'Mug' Voice in Your Head
The Importance of Forgiveness
Relationship Dynamics and Emotional Expression
Fatherhood and Breaking Generational Cycles
The Genesis and Impact of Top Boy
Preparing for Acting Roles and Vulnerability
Bittersweet End of Top Boy and Future Aspirations
Top Boy's Global Cultural Impact
4 Key Concepts
Invisible PR
This concept refers to the cumulative effect of one's reputation, built by how they treat people over time. It's an unseen force that influences opportunities and recommendations, catching up with individuals for better or worse in the long run.
The 'Mug' Voice
Ashley Walters describes the voice in his head as a 'mug' because it has led him to make terrible decisions. He believes this internal voice is often biased, tells you what you want to hear, and should not be solely relied upon for making important choices, especially when driven by strong emotions.
Hurt People Hurt People
This is a fundamental understanding Ashley has gained, recognizing that individuals who have experienced pain often inflict pain on others. This insight helps him approach situations with love and forgiveness, understanding that forgiving others ultimately benefits oneself.
Fixer Mentality
Ashley identifies himself as a 'fixer,' someone who struggles to simply listen without immediately seeking a solution or action. This stems from his upbringing where communication was often a precursor to taking action, rather than a means for emotional connection or sharing.
15 Questions Answered
Ashley experienced significant trauma and anger due to his father being in prison for most of his childhood, leading him to seek father figures in local 'bad boys' and develop a negative attitude towards the world.
He interpreted his father's absence as a sign that he 'wasn't good enough,' leading to a lifelong struggle with self-doubt and a feeling of never being adequate in his achievements.
Ashley spent two weeks with his father in Canada while filming, during which he filmed their conversations and discovered his father's unexpected intelligence and life wisdom, leading to a profound understanding and acceptance of his father.
He learned the importance of knowing where you come from, understanding his own traits, and recognizing his father's inherent confidence and humility. His father also helped him strip away the need to hide behind material success, emphasizing that love and pride were unconditional.
After his father's death, Ashley immediately returned to work, 'ploughing through' and not allowing himself to grieve. This led him to go 'off the rails,' losing his spiritual connection and making reckless decisions.
His feeling of 'not being good enough' fueled a drive for perfectionism and an ambition to go the extra mile, leading him to produce better work and achieve success in both music and acting from a young age.
His ability to connect with people, his humility, his commitment to giving back, and his accessibility to his community have helped him maintain relationships in the industry and a loyal fan base, allowing him to overcome mistakes and avoid being 'canceled'.
The acting industry is incredibly tough, with financial instability, constant rejection (80% of the time), and the need for immense resilience. Success is an anomaly that requires readiness when opportunities arise.
Being told he couldn't direct, especially his own show, fueled his motivation. He worked with his business partner to make a short film, not only gaining experience but also discovering a genuine passion for directing.
The pandemic, which forced him to stop working and stay home, led to depression and a struggle with being a 'civilian.' It stripped away his work-derived self-worth, forcing him to confront his flaws and leading to arguments in his relationship.
He believes the voice in his head is often a 'mug' because it's biased and has led him to make terrible decisions. He advocates for quieting this voice and seeking external perspectives from trusted individuals before making choices.
He understands that forgiving others is primarily a favor to oneself, as holding grudges only hurts the person carrying them. He is actively working on forgiving those who hurt him and making amends with those he may have wronged.
His upbringing, lacking overt emotional expression and focused on action, makes it difficult for him to simply listen to his wife's feelings without trying to 'fix' them. This creates a dynamic where she seeks emotional connection, and he struggles to provide it willingly.
After being tired of typecast 'bad boy' roles, he was captivated by the 'Top Boy' script because it portrayed black organized crime with structure, hierarchy, and human characters with understandable motivations, unlike other stereotypical scripts he had read.
'Top Boy' has opened the door internationally for black British culture, shifting global perceptions beyond traditional British exports like period dramas. It has provided a foundation for people to trust and accept diverse black stories, paving the way for more varied narratives.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Seek Professional Help for Trauma
If you have a lot of trauma that has stuck with you, seek therapy and counseling to understand and process its impact on your life and behavior. This can help you address negative attitudes and self-perception.
2. Reflect on Early Life Context
Delve into your earliest life experiences and context to understand the subconscious forces that shape your adult behavior and self-perception. This reflection is crucial for personal growth and undoing negative patterns.
3. Don’t Blindly Trust Inner Voice
Be wary of your inner voice, especially if it’s biased or driven by emotions like anger, fear, or jealousy, as it can lead to poor decisions. Try to quiet it and seek external perspectives before acting.
4. Consult Others Before Deciding
When facing difficult decisions or strong emotions, seek external perspectives from trusted individuals like family or partners. Avoid making choices solely based on your own emotional state or inner voice.
5. Practice Forgiveness for Personal Freedom
Work on forgiving those who have hurt you, as holding grudges primarily harms yourself and keeps you a ‘prisoner’ of your past. Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-liberation.
6. Disregard Others’ Opinions
Work on understanding that someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business, especially if you constantly feel ’not good enough.’ This helps in overcoming self-doubt and the fear of being judged.
7. Accept Imperfection and Adapt
Recognize that nothing can be perfect and be more willing to adapt and accept that things won’t always go your way. Good things happen when you are open to this mindset.
8. Enjoy and Utilize Your Journey
Focus on enjoying the process and challenges of your journey, as the most fulfilling parts of achievement often occur along the way. Understand that the destination itself can sometimes be less exciting than the path taken.
9. Confront Your Inner Flaws
Be prepared to sit with your thoughts and confront your flaws when external distractions, like work, are removed. Continuous distraction can prevent you from addressing underlying personal issues.
10. Learn to Communicate Emotionally
Develop the ability to communicate your emotions and listen to others without immediately trying to ‘fix’ the problem. This skill is crucial for deep connection in relationships and may require learning new behaviors.
11. Prioritize Presence with Children
Be present and available for your children, actively engaging in their lives and taking on adult responsibilities. Neglecting this can lead to distance and a lack of trust in your relationships with them later in life.
12. Know Your Personal Origins
Gain a better understanding of where you come from, including your family history and values, to better understand your own traits and feelings. This provides a crucial reference point for self-awareness.
13. Don’t Rely on Material Success
Avoid hiding your true self behind material possessions or external achievements, as these are meaningless in defining your worth. True self-worth comes from within, not from what you own or achieve.
14. Build Strong Relationships and Reputation
Cultivate a reputation for humility, kindness, and giving back, treating people as well as you can. This ‘invisible PR’ helps maintain long-term relationships and support, even when you make mistakes.
15. Transform Rejection into Motivation
When faced with rejection or told you ‘can’t do something,’ use it as driving motivation to find ways to achieve your goals. Instead of giving up, silently strategize how to overcome the obstacles.
16. Demand Opportunity to Try
Advocate for the opportunity to try your ideas and bring your perspective to the table, even if there’s a risk of failure. Regret can stem from not pursuing opportunities when told ’no.’
17. Fight for Creative Integrity
When involved in creative projects, push back and fight for what you believe in, ensuring scripts are authentic and characters are well-represented. This dedication to creative input can significantly enhance the quality of the work.
18. Deeply Embody Your Role
For demanding roles or tasks, immerse yourself in experiences that help you genuinely understand and embody the character or situation. Sometimes, just technical skill isn’t enough; you need to feel it.
19. Allow for Vulnerability in Preparation
Avoid over-preparing to the point where it stifles vulnerability, especially in creative or performance-based tasks. Leave room for spontaneity and genuine emotion to emerge.
7 Key Quotes
I was obsessed with the fact that I was going to die young.
Ashley Walters
I wanted to hurt people the way I was hurt.
Ashley Walters
Some of the things that go through my head scare me.
Ashley Walters
Someone else's opinion of me is none of my business.
Ashley Walters
I think when you clock the game, it's like, oh, I'm not saying I've clocked it, but I'm saying I can see with the people that I know that are like in that space where they've kind of like, there's not much more to do. I think it's pretty boring.
Ashley Walters
Forgiving someone is like letting a prisoner go and realising in doing so that you were the prisoner the whole time.
Steven Bartlett
I don't believe anyone should listen to voices in their head, if I'm honest with you. Your head is, it's an extension of you, right? It's going to be trying to like, it's bias.
Ashley Walters