E38: A Simple Mindset Secret + Less Routine, More Life
Stephen Bartlett discusses adopting an internal locus of control for success and well-being. He advocates a "video game" mindset to overcome loss aversion and encourages breaking rigid routines for a more fulfilling life, alongside cultivating benign envy and curating social media for growth.
Deep Dive Analysis
6 Topic Outline
Honest Reflection on 'Playing the Race Card' and External Locus of Control
Adopting a 'Video Game State of Mind' for Risk-Taking
Challenging the Pursuit of a 'Perfect Routine' for Happiness
Understanding Envy and Why People Hate Success
Cultivating a Better Relationship with Social Media
Prioritizing Family and Life Balance
9 Key Concepts
Internal Locus of Control
This refers to the belief that the outcomes of events in one's life are primarily controlled by one's own actions and efforts, rather than by external factors. Individuals with an internal locus of control tend to be more proactive, experience increased positive well-being, lower stress, less depression, and are generally more successful.
External Locus of Control
This refers to the belief that the outcomes of events are determined by external forces such as fate, luck, or other powerful entities, rather than by one's own actions. This perspective is linked to increased misery, stress, and higher rates of depression, as individuals feel less personal autonomy.
Video Game State of Mind
This mental model involves approaching real-life challenges with the same fearlessness and disregard for minor losses as one might play a video game. It stems from the realization that most real-world failures are not truly fatal, allowing for greater risk-taking, resilience, and calm amidst chaos.
Loss Aversion
A psychological phenomenon where the fear of losing something is more intense and impactful than the hope of gaining something of equal or even greater value. This often leads individuals to play it safe, avoid risks, and stay in undesirable situations rather than pursuing potentially rewarding but uncertain opportunities.
Schadenfreude
A German term describing the pleasure or satisfaction derived by someone from another person's misfortune. It is often observed in cases of hostile envy, where individuals enjoy hearing about the failures or setbacks of successful people.
Depressive Envy
A type of envy where an individual feels like a loser, failure, or inferior when comparing themselves to someone else's success. This form of envy leads one to believe that the other person's achievement reflects negatively on their own capabilities or situation.
Hostile Envy
This form of envy arises when an individual believes that another person achieved success through unfair or undeserved means. It often leads to resentment, a desire for the successful person to fail, and enjoyment of their misfortunes (schadenfreude).
Benign Envy
The most productive and healthy form of envy, where an individual observes someone else's success, admires them, and gives them credit for their achievements. This type of envy inspires learning, emulation, and an optimistic belief in one's own potential to achieve similar success.
Negative Automatic Thoughts
Irrational thought patterns that can drive envy and other negative emotions, such as 'mind reading' (assuming what others think), 'discounting positives' (minimizing one's own achievements), 'labeling' (self-identifying as a failure), 'personalizing' (taking others' success as a personal reflection), 'awfulizing' (exaggerating negative outcomes), 'fortune telling' (predicting future failure), and 'all-or-nothing thinking'.
6 Questions Answered
Believing that you control your own fate (internal locus of control) is strongly linked to increased positive well-being, lower stress, less depression, and greater success in various life domains, whereas an external locus of control can lead to misery and depression.
Most people exhibit 'loss aversion,' meaning the fear of losing something is more intense than the hope of gaining something, leading them to prioritize avoiding potential downsides over pursuing significant upsides.
By realizing that most real-life failures are not truly fatal, this mindset fosters fearlessness, risk-taking, and resilience, making challenges feel more manageable and reducing stress.
Yes, an overly rigid pursuit of a 'perfect routine' can inadvertently diminish the joy of life, stifle spontaneity, reduce exploration, and kill creativity by limiting exposure to new inspirations and experiences.
People often view success as a zero-sum game and may experience different types of envy (depressive or hostile) when comparing themselves to others, especially those in their social comparison group, leading to feelings of inferiority or resentment.
By consciously unfollowing superficial or negative accounts and instead following smarter, more intellectual, and inspiring people, social media can become a free, real-time platform for learning, creativity, and personal development.
13 Actionable Insights
1. Adopt Internal Locus of Control
Believe that outcomes in your life are primarily controlled by your own actions, not external factors, as this mindset is linked to increased well-being, lower stress, greater success, and better problem-solving abilities.
2. Embrace a ‘Video Game’ Mindset
Approach life’s risks and challenges with fearlessness, detaching from irrational thoughts that professional decisions or failures will be fatal, which helps manage stress and enables bolder action.
3. Rationalize Your Fears of Failure
Bring subconscious fears of failure to conscious awareness by asking specific questions about potential negative outcomes, which helps reduce their perceived downside and makes you more risk-tolerant.
4. Clearly Define Your Life Goals
Reaffirm what you truly want from your life and why it deeply matters to you, as this clarity increases the perceived value of the reward and your willingness to take necessary risks.
5. Cultivate Benign Envy, Not Hostile
Shift your perspective from feeling inferior or wishing others ill to admiring and learning from successful people, recognizing that their achievements can inspire and guide your own growth.
6. Curate Your Social Media Feed
Make the crucial decision to unfollow fake, materialistic, negative, or superficial accounts and instead follow smarter, more intellectual people to transform social media into a free, real-time learning platform.
7. Break Rigid Routines for Life’s Joy
Intentionally introduce spontaneity, unplanned adventures, and new experiences into your daily life to foster exploration, creativity, and excitement, preventing life from becoming monotonous.
8. Prioritize Time for Family and Friends
Actively allocate quality time to your loved ones, recognizing that immediate demands can overshadow these crucial relationships, which are essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment.
9. Challenge Irrational Negative Thoughts
Identify and question automatic negative thoughts, such as mind reading or all-or-nothing thinking, that drive toxic envy or self-doubt, as these are often irrational and can hold you back.
10. Perform Internal Analysis for Growth
After experiencing setbacks or challenges, conduct an internal review of your own actions and decisions rather than solely blaming external factors, which is crucial for learning and avoiding repeated mistakes.
11. Seek Life Balance, Not Just Urgency
Actively work towards a more balanced life that integrates personal relationships and well-being alongside professional pursuits, rather than solely focusing on immediate, urgent tasks.
12. Diversify Your Information Consumption
Break habits of consuming the same media by watching different documentaries, reading new books, or attending unfamiliar classes to spark creativity and gain fresh perspectives.
13. Change Social Communication Habits
Experiment with new ways of connecting, such as sending voice notes instead of text messages, to deepen social connections and enhance the feeling of closeness with friends and family.
5 Key Quotes
I think that if you go through life thinking that life is happening to you and not because of you, you'll be more miserable and the science supports that.
Stephen Bartlett
Life is just a video game, none of this will actually kill you.
Stephen Bartlett
As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, no new dimensions of life will emerge. Less routine, more life.
Henry Van Dyke (quoted by Stephen Bartlett)
Misery loves company. Misery wants other people to be miserable too.
Stephen Bartlett
What you consume impacts your values and your values impact your happiness, your joy, anxiety, depression and your major life decisions.
Stephen Bartlett
2 Protocols
Developing a Video Game Risk-Comfortable Mindset
Stephen Bartlett- Reaffirm to yourself what you want from your life and how you want it to look and feel, and how much that matters to you, to increase the perception of the upside potential.
- Work on having a healthier, less negative, more rational perception of what failing at any particular task will mean to your life.
- Take fear of failure from your subconscious to the conscious, identify it, analyze it, and address it.
- When fear arises, pause, make yourself aware of it, write down how you're feeling, and ask yourself specific questions: what could happen, why it scares you, where it comes from, how to address it, and what actions to take.
- Asking many questions about your fear helps reason your anxiety and negative thoughts away, reducing the perception of the downside.
How to Have Less Routine and More Life
Stephen Bartlett- Go and travel spontaneously, booking only the first night's accommodation.
- Move somewhere different to introduce uncertainty and new experiences.
- Hang around with different people to broaden your social circle and perspectives.
- Work somewhere new or change the times and ways you work, or ask your employer for flexibility (e.g., writing your own contract).
- Change your eating habits to break daily monotony.
- Leave the TV off to reduce passive consumption and encourage other activities.
- Change your social habits, such as sending voice notes instead of text messages to deepen connections.
- Read differently and consume different information, like watching documentaries you wouldn't normally, reading new books, or attending an improv class.