E50: Jake Humphrey - My Grandma's Suicide Saved Me
This episode features TV presenter, journalist, and entrepreneur Jake Humphrey, who discusses his journey from academic failure to success. He shares insights on personal responsibility, overcoming mental health struggles, the challenges of social media, and the shift from personal ambition to lifting others.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Introduction and Jake Humphrey's Early Career Failures
How Failure Became a Catalyst for Success
Parental Influence and Equipping Children to Fail
Common Misconceptions About Jake Humphrey's Personality and Success
The Core Philosophy: Absolute Responsibility for Your Life
Building Foundations: The 'Roots and Wings' Parenting Metaphor
The Anti-Climactic Nature of Achieving Success
Evolution of Ambition: From Selfish Goals to Collective Upliftment
The Importance of Authenticity in Public and Professional Life
Social Media's Impact: Stress, Criticism, and Personal Responsibility
Jake's Experience with Suicidal Thoughts and the Power of Acceptance
The Entrepreneurial Journey: Founding Whisper Films
The 'Secret' to Success: Action Over Planning
Philanthropic Endeavors and Their Personal Significance
Upcoming Project: The High Performance Podcast
8 Key Concepts
Failure as a Catalyst
Jake explains that early failures, like failing A-levels and being fired from McDonald's, can unexpectedly open doors to new opportunities. He believes these setbacks were crucial in shaping his career path by leading him to unforeseen chances.
Total Responsibility
This concept posits that success stems from taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of one's life, even for circumstances not directly caused by oneself. This mindset eliminates excuses and empowers individuals to take control and act.
Roots and Wings
A parenting philosophy where 'roots' represent providing children with a secure, stable foundation and a safe place to return to. This security then enables them to 'extend their wings' and bravely explore the world, taking tentative steps into independence.
Anti-Climactic Success
This describes the common feeling among high achievers that reaching significant goals doesn't bring the expected euphoria or a definitive sense of 'arrival.' Instead, it often leads to a continuous drive for the next challenge, realizing how much more there is to do.
Selfish to Selfless Evolution
A phenomenon where successful individuals transition from focusing on personal achievements and validation to finding greater fulfillment in lifting others up. This shift involves prioritizing the success and well-being of a broader group or community.
Authenticity in Public Life
The principle that being genuinely oneself is paramount for sustained success, especially in public-facing roles like TV presenting. Trying to adopt a persona or be what one thinks others expect will ultimately lead to failure and lack of longevity.
Acceptance of Mental Health Challenges
Jake's personal strategy for dealing with overwhelming feelings, including suicidal thoughts, involved accepting them as 'tricks' played by his brain rather than believing them to be real. This acceptance helped to diminish their power and impact.
Action Over Motivation
This concept suggests that motivation often arises from taking action, rather than being a prerequisite for it. Jake advises people to 'just do it' when starting a new venture, as the act of beginning will generate the necessary drive.
12 Questions Answered
Jake believes his career path was shaped by early failures, specifically failing his A-levels and being fired from McDonald's, which unexpectedly led him to opportunities in local TV.
Parents should teach their kids to fail by not always shielding them from setbacks, instilling a strong work ethic, and providing a secure foundation ('roots') so they feel safe to take risks ('wings').
People often assume he is smug because of his success or that he achieved his position purely through luck, neither of which he believes to be true.
His trick is taking absolute, rock-solid 100% responsibility for every minuscule part of his life, even for things that aren't his fault, because it eliminates excuses and empowers him to act.
Often, no. Jake describes success as anti-climactic, where the feeling of 'wow, I've done it' is rare, and the drive continues, often leading to a realization of how much more there is to achieve.
Ambition often shifts from personal achievement and selfishness to a more selfless desire to lift others up, make a positive impact, and find fulfillment in the success of a broader group.
Authenticity is crucial because if you try to play a role or be what you think people expect, it will eventually fall apart; being genuinely yourself is the most important thing for lasting success.
Social media is the single biggest source of stress in his life, due to constant criticism and the difficulty of navigating online interactions.
Individuals have a responsibility to change their own actions by being positive, consuming media that moves the world forward, and not feeding the 'monster' of gossip and negativity.
He dealt with them by talking to his family and then-girlfriend (now wife), and by accepting that these feelings were 'tricks' of his brain, not reality, which helped them dissipate.
There is no secret; the key is to 'just do it.' Don't wait for motivation to come, but rather take action, as motivation often follows the act of starting.
The biggest mistake is not doing it at all, waiting for the perfect plan, timing, or financial situation, leading to future regret.
12 Actionable Insights
1. Take 100% Responsibility
Assume total responsibility for every part of your life, even for things not directly your fault. This mindset eliminates excuses and empowers you to actively sort out your own life rather than blaming others.
2. Cultivate a Bias for Action
Don’t wait for perfect timing, motivation, or a ‘secret’ to begin; simply start doing it. Taking action generates motivation and helps you avoid future regret of not pursuing your ideas.
3. Trust Your Instincts and Convictions
Have rock-solid belief in your instincts and act on your convictions, especially in critical decisions. Ignoring your true belief and trying to please others can lead to detrimental outcomes.
4. Shift to Selfless Ambition
As you achieve personal success, find greater fulfillment in lifting others up and improving your immediate environment for everyone. This transition from selfish to selfless ambition can provide a deeper sense of achievement.
5. Prioritize Authenticity
Be genuinely yourself in any role, whether as a CEO or a TV presenter, because trying to play a role or be what you think others expect will ultimately fail. Authenticity is crucial for long-term success and connection.
6. Accept Negative Feelings as a Trick
When experiencing distressing thoughts or overwhelming feelings, accept them as temporary ’tricks’ of the brain rather than reality. Focus on tangible evidence in front of your eyes to diminish their power and move past them.
7. Talk Through Overwhelming Feelings
When facing overwhelming emotions, the simple act of talking and sharing with trusted individuals, like family or a partner, can make a significant positive difference in processing and overcoming them.
8. Equip Children to Handle Failure
Teach your children to fail and provide them with strong ‘roots’ (a secure foundation) so they feel safe to explore and take risks (‘wings’). Shielding kids from failure prevents them from developing the resilience needed for later life challenges.
9. Embrace Early Failures
View early failures, like academic setbacks, not as an end but as unexpected stepping stones that can open doors to unforeseen opportunities and career paths.
10. Be Good and Successful
Challenge the misconception that success and goodness are mutually exclusive; it is entirely possible to be both a good person and highly successful. Strive to embody both qualities in your endeavors.
11. Control Your Media Consumption
Take responsibility for your own actions on social media and the media you consume, rather than blaming others. Be positive online and absorb media that moves the world forward, as your demand fuels the supply of content.
12. Beware Algorithm’s Creativity Trap
Be aware that social media algorithms often incentivize provocative or cliché content for engagement, which can stifle genuine creativity. Prioritize creating what you’re truly proud of over chasing likes or popular trends.
9 Key Quotes
I genuinely believe that you know I I don't know how much you know of the story but I was at I was at school in norfolk um and I failed my a levels I was the most my story is so similar to yours I was the most bang average kid at school and I got an e and n and a u for my three a levels and had to go back to school to retake them.
Jake Humphrey
I think the trick personally I think the trick to being successful is an absolute rock solid responsibility for every single minuscule part of your life.
Jake Humphrey
We talk about in my family about giving your kids roots and wings and it's about getting that balance right with giving your kids roots so they know that whenever there is a problem I mean I often say to my kids whatever and they're only little they're four and seven but one of the phrases I like to sort of instill in them is listen I'll always leave a light on.
Jake Humphrey
I feel like the same kid that grew up in stoke holy cross a little village on the outskirts of norwich I feel no different I haven't had a buzz as exciting as when in 19 2001 I bought an mgf sports car I paid 9 750 pounds for it and I bought it from an old man in uh in colchester and I remember him still to this day turning on the light switch in his garage and the light thing flicking on and there's this green mg car I was on children's bbc at the time and it was the first thing I'd ever really bought for myself despite everything that's happened since I've never had that feeling of wow that is a real sense of achievement and it's almost like the longer it goes on it almost goes the other way.
Jake Humphrey
I get a million times more of a buzz from watching other people do well and standing back like a sort of proud dad than I do my own stuff.
Jake Humphrey
Authenticity is the most important thing and it doesn't matter whether you're the CEO of social chain or you're standing hosting a game of football if you're trying to be a CEO it is going to fall apart if you're trying to be what you think a TV presenter should be again it's going to fall apart.
Jake Humphrey
The only thing that you can really control instead of going onto social media and yelling at everyone else to be better the only thing we can really all control is the way that we use the world and the way that we talk and if you just go on social media and be positive if you just read articles or absorb media that is moving the world forwards in a positive way or negative way then I think you're doing your bit.
Jake Humphrey
My message to anyone who's in us in a similar place is not only is talking absolutely the answer and I'm not the person to cure them but I can tell you what made the change for me and it was the day that I accepted I might have these feelings and they might come and go my whole life and if they come it's a trick it's just my brain playing a trick making me feel something that isn't real and I need to stop believing something that is not there that's in my head and use the evidence in front of my own eyes and that is such a difficult thing to do as soon as I accepted it was a trick and it was a like my brain trying to con me and your brain is a very powerful tool it's it kind of melted away it was the acceptance that made it go strangely.
Jake Humphrey
The biggest mistake you can make in life is not doing it at all.
Jake Humphrey
2 Protocols
Dealing with Overwhelming Feelings or Suicidal Thoughts
Jake Humphrey- Talk and share openly with people, especially family and close loved ones.
- Accept that these feelings might come and go throughout your life.
- Recognize that if these feelings arise, they are a 'trick' played by your brain, not a reflection of reality.
- Stop believing in something that is not truly there in your head.
- Use the tangible evidence in front of your own eyes to ground yourself in reality.
Approach to Entrepreneurship and Starting a New Venture
Jake Humphrey- Don't wait for motivation to come; instead, take action, as motivation often follows the act of doing.
- Just go and do it; don't wait for the perfect plan, ideal timing, or sufficient financial resources.
- Have strong belief in your idea and loads of passion for it.
- Take absolute responsibility for every aspect of your endeavor.
- Be prepared to work double if necessary to make it happen.