Example: The Dark Side Of Money & Fame
Elliot Gleave (Example) discusses navigating fame, addiction, and personal growth. He shares how fatherhood, a supportive partner, and practices like breathwork and exercise helped him find peace and redefine success beyond chart hits.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Impact of Money and Fame on Identity
Childhood Influences: Work Ethic and Social Awareness
School Experience and Early Performance Drive
Perspective on Asperger's Diagnosis and Individuality
Coping with an Overactive Brain and Intrusive Thoughts
Navigating Disappointment and Pressure in the Music Industry
The Reckless Phase: Drugs, Alcohol, and Dishonesty
The Cost of a Wild Lifestyle and Family Intervention
Finding Love and Committing to a New Path
Embracing Spirituality, Breathwork, and Parenthood
The Science of Pregnancy, Birth, and Breastfeeding
Experience with Miscarriage and Male Grief
Future Career Aspirations and Live Performance Focus
Navigating Fan Perception and Industry Changes
Impact on Other Musicians' Careers
3 Key Concepts
Compartmentalization
This is the ability to mentally separate different thoughts, tasks, or emotional states, allowing one to focus on a specific area without being overwhelmed by others. Example uses this skill to manage his overactive brain and prevent worrying.
Spiritual Awareness
A deeper connection to one's inner self, the universe, and the interconnectedness of all things, often developed through personal experiences and practices like yoga and meditation. Example's spiritual awareness grew after meeting his wife Erin and becoming a father, seeing how science and spirituality can coexist.
Breastfeeding Information Exchange
A biological process where a baby's saliva transmits information about its specific nutritional needs to the mother's nipple. The nipple then signals the mother's body to adjust the composition of the breast milk, providing more of the necessary vitamins or minerals (e.g., zinc, iron) to the baby.
10 Questions Answered
Example's work ethic stemmed from his working-class parents' dedication, with his dad often away for work and his mum working hard at home. Growing up in Fulham and attending school in Wandsworth, surrounded by kids from council estates, exposed him to diverse cultures and lifestyles, broadening his perspective.
Example loved school, excelling in subjects like drama, maths, art, and music. School provided an outlet for his hyperactive brain and desire for attention, helping him develop performance skills and a thick skin that proved beneficial in the challenging music business.
Example believes that human beings are complex and not easily categorized by diagnoses, suggesting everyone has a bit of everything. He is grateful he was not placed in special programs or medicated as a child, feeling that his 'weirdness' is a special quality.
Example manages his overactive brain, which often cycles through multiple thoughts or scenarios, through practices like yoga, Wim Hof-style breath work, swimming, and running without music, which he finds to be his only true brain escapism.
The personal cost included breaking a girlfriend's heart, upsetting others, and causing disappointment to his parents, which ultimately led to a family intervention where he witnessed his parents cry.
Meeting Erin in Australia was the catalyst for change. Their intense connection and honest communication, often over FaceTime due to distance, led him to 'reset' and return to the honest and faithful person his parents raised him to be.
Example was not spiritual initially but became so after meeting Erin and having children. He realized that science and spirituality can coexist, and Erin's explanations of zodiacs and planetary influences, combined with his experiences with parenthood and practices like yoga, deepened his spiritual awareness.
Example learned that a mother's health and exercise during pregnancy can reduce the baby's risk of conditions like heart problems and asthma. He also discovered that a baby's saliva communicates its nutritional needs to the mother's nipple, prompting the mother's body to tailor the breast milk with specific vitamins and minerals to boost the baby's immune system.
In society, men are often expected to 'suck it up' and support the mother, with little focus on their own grief. Example found his miscarriage experience 'really tough' and felt helpless, but appreciated his father and father-in-law asking about his feelings, highlighting the lack of male-specific support.
Example's primary focus is on live performance and making music that resonates with his audience in a live setting. While he doesn't rely on chart success, he would 'love to accidentally' have another chart hit to remember the feeling and validate his continued career to those who believe he has retired.
22 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Core Life Values
Focus on fundamental aspects like family, cooking, training, sleep, and intimacy, as these provide deep satisfaction and can outweigh career achievements.
2. Practice Breathwork and Yoga
Utilize practices like Wim Hof-style breathwork and yoga to calm an overactive mind and find peace, as they are effective for mental clarity and relaxation.
3. Use Exercise for Mental Escapism
Engage in activities like running or swimming without music to allow your brain to de-stress and escape anxious thoughts, providing a unique form of mental release.
4. Find Outlets for Hyperactive Traits
Identify and channel hyperactive tendencies or a need for attention into productive outlets like performance or creative expression, which can help balance and level you out.
5. Encourage Men to Share Emotions
Break the “macho” stereotype by openly discussing personal struggles, relationships, and feelings with friends or family, as bottling them up can lead to isolation and unaddressed pain.
6. Define Success Internally
Compete only with your past self and focus on the intrinsic value of your work and live performance, rather than external metrics like chart positions or public perception, for sustained career satisfaction.
7. Foster Growth in Your Team
Create an inspiring and creative work environment where team members are encouraged to develop their skills and ambition, leading them to achieve significant success in their own right.
8. Recognize Costs of Recklessness
Understand that excessive indulgence in fame, drugs, alcohol, and infidelity carries significant personal costs, including broken relationships and parental disappointment.
9. Seek Genuine Connection Over Casual
In times of loneliness or emotional need, prioritize seeking genuine human connection and physical comfort, such as cuddles, over meaningless sexual encounters.
10. Question Rigid Diagnoses
Be wary of overly rigid diagnoses for traits like hyperactivity or “weirdness,” as these can be special qualities that shouldn’t be suppressed with medication if other outlets are available.
11. Manage Creative Expectations
Be prepared for disappointment in creative industries, understanding that significant effort into a project may not always yield the desired external recognition or commercial success.
12. Learn from Mistakes, Avoid Regret
View past mistakes, no matter how bad, as learning opportunities rather than sources of regret, using them to grow and make amends.
13. Cultivate a Tranquil Home Space
Intentionally choose or create a home environment that offers peace and tranquility, such as living near nature, to provide an escape from daily stressors.
14. Support Maternal Fitness During Pregnancy
Encourage and support expectant mothers in maintaining a safe fitness routine during pregnancy, as research suggests it can positively impact the baby’s health and development.
15. Understand Breastfeeding’s Immune Benefits
Recognize that breastfeeding can significantly boost a baby’s immune system, as the baby’s saliva communicates needs to the mother’s nipple, tailoring milk composition.
16. Consider Upright Birthing Positions
Research and consider giving birth in upright positions (on all fours or standing) to facilitate an easier delivery, as the tailbone can obstruct the baby’s head when lying on the back.
17. Value Timing in Relationships
Acknowledge that timing is a crucial factor in the success of a relationship, as meeting the right person at the wrong stage of life might prevent it from working out.
18. Embrace Diverse Life Experiences
Actively seek to understand different cultures and socio-economic backgrounds, as exposure to diverse ways of living fosters empathy and broadens perspective.
19. Address Dishonesty Early
Recognize and address tendencies towards lying or exaggeration from a young age, as unchecked habits can escalate and lead to more significant issues in adulthood.
20. Implement Regular Detox & Recovery
Incorporate regular periods of complete detox and physical recovery, such as full-body massages or short breaks, to maintain physical and mental stamina during demanding periods.
21. Integrate Spirituality and Science
Combine scientific understanding with spiritual awareness to gain a deeper comprehension of oneself and the universe, recognizing that both can coexist and enrich personal growth.
22. Understand Audience Engagement
Actively research and understand where your audience discovers and consumes your content, as different demographics use different platforms and methods, requiring varied engagement strategies.
10 Key Quotes
No one signs a record deal and has a manager come up to them and go, there's a good chance you're going to be really famous. Here's a pamphlet on how to not be a d**k.
Example
Money and fame can show you who you are.
Host
The person I was when I was 27 was a fucking monster.
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It's just not nice to see your parents cry, you know?
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Just watching someone grow a baby and give birth is like one of the most sobering experiences ever.
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I've realized there's been the first time I've spoken about things that I should have probably spoken about with friends or family a long time ago.
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I'm only competing myself. I used to worry so much about competing with them.
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I think every human being has a little bit of, of something. And you can't just say someone is 100% definitely got this, you know, that thing.
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I don't just want to have like meaningless sex. I just want to actually be held, you know?
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I don't really have any expectations for it other than whoever hears it, I hope, really enjoys it.
Example
1 Protocols
Sauna and Ice Bath Routine
Example- Spend 10 minutes in the sauna.
- Spend 2 minutes in an ice bath.
- Repeat the cycle of 10 minutes sauna and 2 minutes ice bath.