Former FBI Agent: If They Do This Please RUN! Narcissists Favourite Trick To Control You! They're Controlling You Like A Puppet!
Joe Navarro, former FBI agent and body language expert, shares insights on decoding human behavior. He discusses strategies for building confidence, mastering negotiations through nonverbal cues and psychological comfort, and identifying toxic personalities, emphasizing the profound importance of human connection.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Introduction to Nonverbal Communication Expertise
FBI Behavioral Analysis Program and Counterintelligence
Real-World Espionage and Spy Detection Methods
The Critical Importance of Body Language
First Impressions and Thin Slice Assessments
Achieving Harmony Through Behavioral Synchrony
Decoding Specific Facial and Neck Nonverbal Cues
Strategies for Effective Negotiation and Control
Leveraging Height and Posture for Advantage
Training Confidence Through Competence and Physiology
Using Voice Cadence and Hand Gestures for Authority
The Art of Eye Contact and Proper Greetings
The Impact of Note-Taking and Handshakes
Five Traits of Exceptional Individuals
Identifying and Managing Narcissistic Personalities
Personal Reflections on a Career in Human Behavior
The Overarching Importance of Human Connection
9 Key Concepts
Heuristics
Mental shortcuts the human brain uses, developed for survival, such as freezing when sensing danger or covering the mouth to avoid broadcasting breath to predators. These are innate, quick responses to perceived threats.
Valence (Positive/Negative)
A psychological term referring to the intrinsic attractiveness (positive) or aversiveness (negative) of an event, object, or situation. Positively valenced behaviors are gravity-defying and expressive, while negatively valenced behaviors show restraint and tension.
Thin Slice Assessments
The ability of humans to make accurate judgments about others from very brief observations, as short as three milliseconds. These rapid assessments are often accurate about a person's character or competence, even with minimal information.
Synchrony
The alignment or mirroring of behaviors, gestures, and speech patterns between individuals, which fosters harmony, rapport, and receptiveness in communication. It creates a psychological binding that makes interactions more successful.
Supersternal Notch
The deep indentation at the bottom of the throat, considered the most vulnerable part of the human body. Covering or touching this area is a common nonverbal indicator of fear, insecurity, or psychological discomfort, rooted in ancient survival instincts.
Height Dividend
The observed advantage or benefit associated with being taller, particularly in professional contexts like leadership roles. Taller individuals are disproportionately represented in CEO positions, suggesting an unconscious bias towards height.
Still Face Experiment
A psychological experiment demonstrating that when an individual, especially a baby, is met with a non-responsive, still face, they become distressed. The brain perceives a still face as a threat, leading to a loss of trustworthiness and emotional discomfort.
Malignant Narcissism
A personality trait characterized by overvaluing oneself and devaluing others, a lack of empathy, self-centeredness, and a tendency to lie while expecting truth from others. These individuals are severely flawed in character and can be highly toxic.
Psychological Comfort
The state of ease and well-being that humans inherently seek. Providing this comfort, through environment, communication, and attentiveness, is the most powerful strength humans possess and a key to successful negotiations and relationships.
10 Questions Answered
It allows individuals to perceive and decipher others' emotions and intentions faster, providing a tremendous advantage in personal interactions, negotiations, and self-assessment, leading to more effective communication and better outcomes.
Yes, body language is supremely important because humans are born communicating nonverbally. While some interpretations may vary, fundamental expressions of comfort, discomfort, and emotional valence are widely understood and rooted in evolutionary survival mechanisms.
People form initial assessments of others in as little as three milliseconds, faster than a blink, and these 'thin slice assessments' are often accurate about a person's character or competence.
Rapport is built through synchrony, which involves mirroring behaviors, gestures, and speech patterns. Matching nonverbal cues and using similar language helps create a psychological binding that fosters comfort and receptiveness.
Signs include furrowing the glabella (eyebrow knitting), touching or scratching the face (especially eyelids), tightening or diminishing lips, shifting the jaw, and covering or massaging the neck (specifically the supersternal notch).
One can take control by dominating time, slowing down the pace, and establishing psychological leverage through subtle actions like controlling seating arrangements, offering refreshments, and maintaining a calm, authoritative demeanor.
Confidence can absolutely be trained. The easiest way is to start by being confident about one small thing, then gradually expanding that confidence to other areas, often by acquiring deep knowledge or competence in a subject.
Leaders should avoid behaviors indicative of psychological discomfort or lack of confidence, such as touching or covering the neck, ventilating (giving oneself air due to stress), or holding a 'still face,' as these can convey weakness, untrustworthiness, or insignificance.
A malignant narcissist overvalues themselves while devaluing others, is self-centered, lacks empathy and loyalty, expects truth while inherently lying, and often victimizes those around them physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially.
The best approach is to recognize their toxic nature, understand that they are severely flawed in character with no introspection, and aim to remove oneself from their proximity as soon as possible, as there is no 'cure' or way to 'win' against them.
17 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Psychological Comfort
Create a welcoming environment by offering drinks, ensuring quiet surroundings, and allowing others to tell their story. Humans instinctively seek psychological comfort, and providing it first is key to successful interactions and negotiations.
2. Master Nonverbal Communication
Recognize that nonverbals are the primary means of communication, showing care, trust, and empathy across cultures. Actively use gestures, posture, and expressions to convey your message and understand others more effectively.
3. Build Confidence Incrementally
Start by becoming confident in one small, specific area, then gradually expand to others. Deep knowledge of a subject also significantly boosts confidence, allowing you to speak with authority and presence.
4. Control Negotiations Strategically
Dominate negotiations by controlling time, slowing down the pace, and carefully planning seating arrangements to subtly position yourself higher. Offer comfort items like drinks to establish an archetypal parent figure role, gaining psychological leverage.
5. Address Negative Emotions First
Allow time for negative emotions to be vented and de-escalated before transitioning to transactional discussions. The emotional brain can hijack neural activity, making productive conversation difficult until discomfort is addressed.
6. Develop Acute Observational Skills
Actively observe people, events, and opportunities, as great inventions and problem-solving often stem from keen observation. When hiring, prioritize candidates who can detail problems they’ve solved and demonstrate strong observational abilities.
7. Convey Care Through Prompt Action
Demonstrate genuine care by acting quickly and responsively, as movement is instinctively equated with caring. Avoid unnecessary delays or indifference, which can signal a lack of concern to others.
8. Avoid a Still Face in Meetings
Do not maintain a still or blank expression during meetings or virtual calls, as it can be perceived as a threat and lead to a loss of trustworthiness. Instead, nod, tilt your head, and use varied gestures to remain engaged and approachable.
9. Cultivate a Command Voice and Cadence
Develop a deeper, lower-toned voice and practice speaking with deliberate cadence, especially when conveying authority or saying “no.” This approach commands attention, allows others to process information, and enhances the power of your message.
10. Plan Interactions Meticulously
Prepare for important conversations and negotiations in exquisite detail, considering who enters first, seating arrangements, and when to offer refreshments. This meticulous planning establishes control and provides a psychological advantage.
11. Manage Narcissistic Personalities
Recognize that narcissists overvalue themselves, devalue others, lack loyalty, and are inherently toxic. Do not try to win or change them; instead, plan an exit strategy as prolonged proximity will lead to physical, mental, emotional, or financial victimization.
12. Execute a Proper Handshake
When shaking hands, keep fingers low, apply equal pressure, and avoid excessive squeezing or jerking. Maintain a firm yet gentle grip, and for closer rapport, briefly touch the other person’s upper arm.
13. Minimize In-Conversation Note-Taking
Avoid constant writing during a conversation, as it detracts from crucial observation and facial interaction. Make only brief notes for critical points, prioritizing engagement and nonverbal communication over extensive record-keeping.
14. Use Steepling for Emphasis
Employ the “steeple” gesture (fingertips touching, palms apart) at key moments to project confidence and emphasize important points. Reserve this powerful nonverbal for strategic impact rather than constant use.
15. Utilize Open Hand Gestures
When pointing, use your full hand in a vertical position rather than a single finger, which is more aesthetically pleasing and commanding. Spread your fingers wide to convey care and confidence, as opposed to keeping them tightly together, which can signal fear.
16. Communicate Respect with Eye Contact
Maintain appropriate eye contact by focusing on the other person’s face, avoiding downward gazes that can be misconstrued. Use eye gaze to emphasize points or subtly convey opinions, but also look away naturally when thinking to avoid intimidation.
17. Avoid Neck Touching and Ventilating
Refrain from touching or covering your neck, or engaging in ventilating behaviors (like fanning yourself) during negotiations or stressful situations. These actions transmit weakness and reveal psychological discomfort.
7 Key Quotes
Imagine being able to aperceive things way ahead of time because you can read other people and circumstances faster.
Joe Navarro
Evolution is about approximation for success. In other words, if I can be accurate 75 to 80% of the time, that's actually good enough.
Joe Navarro
The worst thing you can do is sit at a meeting and hold a still face. You're perceived as a threat. You're perceived as less trustworthy. You're perceived as insignificant.
Joe Navarro
Whoever controls time controls.
Joe Navarro
The body will definitely keep the score. You will pay a price for being in the proximity of a toxic individual, and if you become that person's chew toy, you will suffer immensely.
Joe Navarro
Humans don't seek perfection. What we seek is psychological comfort. And whoever provides that is the soonest winner.
Joe Navarro
Movement is equated with caring.
Joe Navarro
4 Protocols
Negotiation Strategy for Dealing with Aggressive Opponents
Joe Navarro- Acknowledge their aggression (e.g., 'Good morning to you too.') without mirroring it.
- Slow down the pace of the negotiation to assert control.
- Take command of time, as whoever controls time controls the situation.
- Use visual aids or other strategies to subtly derail their aggressive agenda.
- Adjust exposure to toxic individuals by limiting staff interaction or changing the negotiation format.
- Have rehearsed strategies for dealing with specific aggressive behaviors.
Training Confidence
Joe Navarro- Identify one small thing you can be confident about (e.g., stacking papers, making your bed, a specific athletic skill).
- Master that one thing and internalize the feeling of confidence in it.
- Gradually expand this confidence to a second, then a third thing, building a foundation.
- Acquire deep knowledge about a particular subject to build competence and, subsequently, confidence in that area.
Exhibiting Confidence and Authority (Voice & Gestures)
Joe Navarro- Use a deeper, command voice, especially when saying 'no' or emphasizing a point, avoiding high-pitched tones.
- Avoid rising at the end of sentences, which can make statements sound like questions and reduce authority.
- Occupy your entitled space with open, confident posture, avoiding shriveled or tight body language.
- Speak in cadence, slowing down to allow listeners to process and attach emotion to your words, thereby establishing control over the conversation.
- Use open hand gestures with spread fingers to show care and potentiate your message, avoiding tucked thumbs which indicate fear.
Creating Psychological Comfort
Joe Navarro- Welcome individuals warmly and offer refreshments (e.g., water, tea, coffee) to initiate comfort.
- Ensure a quiet environment with less noise and comfortable lighting to reduce sensory stress.
- Allow the other person to fully tell their story and express their side, validating their perspective.
- Be attentive to their needs, wants, desires, and even preferences to show you care.
- Consider incremental solutions or re-evaluations to address concerns over time, providing a sense of future resolution.