How I Taught Millions Of Women The Most Important Skill: Girls Who Code Founder: Reshma Saujani
Reshma Sundari, founder of Girls Who Code and author of "Pay Up," shares her journey from overcoming childhood trauma to building global movements. She discusses reframing failure, prioritizing self-care over hustle culture, and advocating for systemic changes to support women and mothers in the workplace.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Childhood Trauma and Identity Formation
Pursuing Higher Education and the Burden of Debt
Quitting a Mismatched Career and Finding Dharma
Running for Congress and Learning Entrepreneurship
Founding Girls Who Code and Addressing the Gender Gap
Girls Who Code's Impact and Cultural Shift in Tech
Personal Sacrifices and Miscarriages While Leading
Revising Leadership Philosophy: Vulnerability and Well-being
Critique of 'Girl Boss' Culture and Fixing the System
The Marshall Plan for Moms and Pandemic's Impact on Women
Intensive Parenting and the Mental Health Crisis for Mothers
Strategies for Self-Care and Setting Boundaries
The Bhagavad Gita and Detachment from External Validation
Four Principles for Systemic Change: Empower, Educate, Revise, Advocate
Redefining Success and Challenging Propaganda Against Women
6 Key Concepts
Immigrant Generational Gap
This concept highlights the difference in priorities between immigrant parents, who often focus on survival and securing stable careers for their children, and their children, who may have the privilege to seek purpose, meaning, and fulfillment in their professional lives.
Dharma
In Hinduism, Dharma refers to one's inherent purpose or what one is meant to do on Earth. Reshma felt blessed to have known her Dharma from a young age, which was to be a change-maker and make a difference in the world.
Passion Filter
Reshma describes her approach to hiring as a 'passion filter,' where she seeks employees who share her intense dedication and belief in the organization's mission, viewing the work as a 'religion' rather than just a job.
Corporate Feminism
This term refers to a critique of approaches that focus on 'fixing the woman' (e.g., through power poses, delegating more, unlearning perfectionism) rather than addressing and changing the underlying systemic and structural issues within workplaces that disadvantage women.
Intensive Parenting
This describes the current societal expectation for parents, especially mothers, to be constantly and deeply involved in their children's development, including managing multiple extracurriculars and academic support, often at the expense of their own mental health and well-being.
Parenting Out Loud
This is a practice of openly acknowledging and integrating motherhood into one's professional life, rather than hiding it or apologizing for it. It aims to shift cultural perceptions and expectations around working mothers, moving away from the idea of mothers as martyrs.
11 Questions Answered
Her experiences with racism and bullying, including her house being spray-painted and a physical assault, instilled in her a fierce determination to fight and never be silent, transforming her into a 'warrior'.
As a woman of color from a working-class background, she believed credentials from institutions like Yale and Harvard were essential to open doors and gain credibility in a country where they mattered.
She realized her own fear was holding her back, and with encouragement from a friend and her father, she quit to pursue her true calling, reframing the risk of staying as greater than the risk of leaving.
She learned how to be an entrepreneur, how to tell a story, inspire people, connect, and developed confidence, resilience, and a better understanding of political systems and character assassination.
The organization aimed to address the gender gap in technology by changing the cultural narrative that pushed girls and women out of coding, making it cool and connecting it to making the world a better place.
She prioritized the organization over her personal well-being, enduring multiple miscarriages and attending work events immediately after receiving devastating news, leading to significant emotional and mental strain.
The pandemic highlighted how systemic issues, like lack of affordable childcare and paid leave, disproportionately forced women out of the workforce, revealing that individual efforts were insufficient without structural change.
This is due to the rise of 'intensive parenting,' a societal expectation that mothers constantly engage in their children's development, combined with the demands of 'hustle culture' in the workplace.
It leads to exhaustion, a mental health crisis (51% of mothers anxious/depressed), rising rates of alcoholism, Adderall addiction, and suicide among mothers, as they are expected to be martyrs and put themselves last.
It's crucial to recognize early signs of distress, prioritize personal mental and physical health, take breaks, and challenge the 'badge of honor' mentality associated with overwork and sacrificing well-being.
She filters decisions based on potential impact and a desire to support emerging voices, while also studying the Bhagavad Gita to stay focused on her core purpose and detach from the desire for external validation or accolades.
14 Actionable Insights
1. Reframe Risk: Not Chasing Dreams
Understand that the greatest risk is often not pursuing your true dreams and happiness, but rather staying in a situation that makes you miserable due to external expectations or fear. Courage lies in following your inner calling.
2. Prioritize Proactive Self-Care
Don’t wait for rock bottom; recognize early signs of burnout and actively take breaks, time off, or naps to maintain mental and physical health. This prevents living in an unsustainable ‘up and crash’ cycle.
3. Redefine Leadership with Vulnerability
Challenge traditional leadership by showing vulnerability, empathy, and allowing yourself to express emotions like sadness or crying in front of your team. This transforms perceived weakness into authentic strength and sets a new standard.
4. Process Failure Systematically
After a failure, allow yourself to ruminate and analyze what went wrong, even seeking brutal feedback, but then consciously decide to move on and plan your next steps. This structured approach prevents prolonged despair and fosters growth.
5. Cultivate Non-Attachment to Validation
Practice not wanting external titles, awards, or recognition, and pull back when you catch yourself chasing such things. This liberates you from constant disappointment and allows focus on intrinsic purpose.
6. Align Decisions with Core Purpose
Filter all opportunities and requests through the lens of your core purpose or ‘dharma’ to ensure that every ‘yes’ serves your ultimate mission. This helps avoid distractions and maintain focus on high-impact activities.
7. Establish Tangible Personal Boundaries
Create clear boundaries in your personal life, such as designated ‘off-duty’ times or division of labor with partners, to protect your personal time and prevent being disproportionately burdened with unpaid labor.
8. Advocate for Systemic Workplace Change
Push for corporate policies that support working parents, such as childcare subsidies, mandated paid leave for men, and flexible/remote work options. This shifts the burden from individuals to the organizational structure.
9. Reject ‘Fix the Woman’ Narratives
Stop consuming content or advice that suggests women need to ‘fix’ themselves (e.g., gain more confidence, lean in harder) to succeed. Instead, recognize that systemic issues, not personal flaws, are often the root cause of inequality.
10. Parent Out Loud at Work
Be open and honest about your motherhood at work, rather than hiding it or apologizing for childcare interruptions. This helps normalize the realities of working parents and challenges the perception that motherhood hinders career.
11. Learn by Observing Power Dynamics
In powerful institutions or rooms, consciously observe how influential people navigate, operate, and communicate. This informal learning can provide valuable insights into leadership and strategy.
12. Prioritize Grit and Work Ethic
When hiring, focus on a candidate’s grit, hustle, and work ethic rather than solely on their academic credentials. This approach values practical ability and determination over institutional stamps.
13. Use Anger as Action Catalyst
When feeling angry about an injustice or problem, channel that emotion into writing or creating something that articulates the issue and proposes solutions. This transforms negative emotion into productive output.
14. Build Initial Support with Friends
When starting a new venture, form your initial board or support system with family and friends who are inherently invested in your success. This provides a protective and encouraging environment in the early stages.
9 Key Quotes
I will never be silent. I will never not fight.
Reshma Saujani
The immigrant generational gap is real. What a luxury it is to search for purpose, meaning and fulfillment.
Stephen Bartlett
The actual risk, if you just zoom out, ends up being not following the dreams of that girl staring up at the stars. That actually is the risk.
Stephen Bartlett
I wasn't gonna let failure break me.
Reshma Saujani
I don't believe in jobs, but for some people it's a job.
Reshma Saujani
We have to completely revise what that means and what it means to be a leader. And it means, you know, empathy.
Reshma Saujani
Motherhood is controversial.
Reshma Saujani
You can't change the lives of girls unless you change the future of women.
Reshma Saujani
I'm not buying into that bullshit. I'm here and I can lead too.
Reshma Saujani
2 Protocols
Avoiding Rock Bottom from Unsustainable Behavior
Reshma Saujani- See the signs early on, rather than waiting for a crisis.
- Take breaks and time off when needed, prioritizing personal well-being.
- Prioritize personal mental and physical health above all else.
- Challenge the 'badge of honor' mentality associated with overwork and sacrificing health.
- Revise what it means to be a leader to include empathy and vulnerability, rather than constant strength.
Bringing About Systemic Change for Women in the Workplace
Reshma Saujani- Empower: Create tangible boundaries in personal life, such as dividing household labor or setting dedicated personal time, to prevent being roped into more unpaid labor.
- Educate: Shift employers to subsidize childcare, recognizing it as an economic issue, and mandate paid leave for men to ensure equitable child-caring responsibilities from the start.
- Revise: Change the cultural perception of motherhood by 'parenting out loud,' being honest about the realities of balancing work and family, and not hiding or apologizing for children at work.
- Advocate: Push for structural changes from the government, such as universal paid leave and affordable childcare, to create lasting societal support for working women.