Moment 94 - Doctor Julie: The ONE Simplifying Thing That Will Transform Your Life
This episode explores the distinction between values and goals, emphasizing values as lifelong paths that guide behavior. It details a method for regular values check-ins to assess alignment and facilitate gradual, sustainable personal change rather than drastic shifts.
Deep Dive Analysis
8 Topic Outline
Defining Goals Versus Values
Values as a Lifelong Winding Path
Introducing the Values Check-in Exercise
Identifying Personal Values and Desired Responses
Rating Alignment with Your Values
Distinguishing Values from Insecurities
How Values Evolve Through Life Stages
The Nature of Sustainable Meaningful Change
3 Key Concepts
Goal
A goal is a specific achievement that, once attained, is considered finished and complete. For example, passing an exam is a goal; once you pass, it's done.
Value
A value is a lifelong pathway or direction that extends throughout your entire life's journey. It's something you choose to always stay close to, even if life pulls you away, and it focuses on how you want to be and respond in different areas of your life.
Values Check-in
This is an exercise used in therapy to evaluate how closely one is living in line with their chosen values across various life areas. It helps identify discrepancies between what is important to you and how you are currently behaving, serving as a tool for re-alignment rather than self-criticism.
5 Questions Answered
A goal is a finite achievement that ends once completed, whereas a value is an ongoing, lifelong pathway or direction that one continually strives to align with.
You can identify values by looking at different areas of your life (e.g., family, career, health) and considering how you want to respond to things, what kind of person you want to be, and the attitude you want to bring to those situations.
You can assess this by rating how important a value is to you (e.g., 1-10) and then rating how much you feel you are currently living in line with that value, revealing any discrepancies.
Yes, values are not fixed; they can shift and transform depending on your life stage, circumstances, and experiences, such as having children or gaining more wisdom.
Meaningful change is not drastic or quick but is made carefully, bit by bit, through a continuous process of reflection, small actions, and further reflection, rather than a sudden 90-degree turn.
5 Actionable Insights
1. Define Your Core Values
Identify what’s truly important in different life areas (e.g., family, health, career) by focusing on how you want to be and respond to situations, rather than what you want to happen. This helps create a guiding path for your life.
2. Conduct Regular Values Check-ins
Periodically review your defined values and rate how important each is to you (e.g., 1-10) and how much you feel you’re living in line with it currently. This exercise reveals discrepancies, highlighting areas where you need to adjust your actions to align with what matters most.
3. Embrace Gradual, Sustainable Change
Understand that meaningful, lasting change in life direction is achieved through small, consistent steps and ongoing reflection, not drastic, sudden shifts. This ‘bit by bit’ approach, coupled with regular re-evaluation, is more powerful and sustainable over time.
4. Differentiate Values from Goals
Recognize that a goal is something finite that finishes once achieved (e.g., passing exams), whereas a value is an ongoing path or direction you continuously choose to stay close to throughout your life. This distinction helps you focus on enduring principles rather than temporary achievements.
5. Allow Values to Evolve
Accept that your values will naturally shift and transform over time due to life experiences, wisdom gained, and changing circumstances (e.g., having children). Regularly re-evaluating your values is crucial because there isn’t one ‘right path’ to stick to indefinitely.
3 Key Quotes
A goal is something that you once you achieve it once you get there um it's done... a value doesn't finish or end it's it's a pathway if you imagine your life as a journey for example it's a path that extends the whole of your life and it's something that you choose to always stay close to when you can.
Dr. Julie Smith
It's not what happens to you, it's not what you want to happen to you, it's how you want to respond to things, how you want to be in that area of your life, what kind of person you want to be.
Dr. Julie Smith
Big meaningful change is not made drastically and quickly. Sustainable change is made carefully and there's this process of it's not just action, there is a lot of kind of reflection and then there's a bit of action then there's a bit more reflection.
Dr. Julie Smith
1 Protocols
Values Check-in Exercise
Dr. Julie Smith- Identify different important areas of your life, such as family, intimate relationships, health, creativity, lifelong learning, career, or contribution.
- For each area, write down words that describe how you want to respond to things, how you want to be, and what kind of person you want to be, focusing on your attitude rather than external outcomes.
- Rate how important it is to you to embody that value in that area (e.g., on a scale of 1 to 10).
- On the same scale, rate how much you feel you are currently living in line with that value this week or today.
- Identify any discrepancies between the importance of a value and your current alignment with it, using this as a tool to understand where you need to pay attention and re-align your actions.