World Leading Life Coach: 3 Steps To Figuring Out ANYTHING You Want: Marie Forleo
Marie, author of Everything is Figureoutable, shares insights on overcoming overworking, finding purpose, and building a fulfilling life. She discusses listening to intuition, managing time, and redefining success beyond external pressures.
Deep Dive Analysis
26 Topic Outline
Introduction: Overworking, ADHD, and Relationship Challenges
Childhood Experiences and Money Beliefs
The Personal Cost of Prioritizing Money
Balancing Ambition with Present Contentment
Career Pivots: From Wall Street to Coaching
Developing and Trusting Your Inner Intuition
Distinguishing Intuition from Fear in Decision-Making
Finding Your Path: Clarity Through Engagement
Strategies for 'Quitting' Effectively and Safely
Embracing Messiness and Starting Before Ready
Marie Forleo's Three 'Everything is Figureoutable' Rules
Understanding True Desire Versus 'Wanting to Want'
The Power of Reframing 'Can't' to 'Won't'
Honesty in Personal and Professional Relationships
Impact of Early Experiences on Romantic Relationships
Using Imago Therapy to Heal Relationship Wounds
Overcoming Workaholism to Save a Relationship
Redefining Success Beyond External Metrics
Social Pressures on Women Regarding Life Choices
Introduction to the 'Time Genius' Program
Embracing Multi-Passionate Entrepreneurship
Managing Anxiety Around Public Speaking
Cultivating Personal Peace and Self-Acceptance
Combating Imposter Syndrome and Self-Judgment
Intentional Social Media Use for Well-being
Lesson Learned from a Relationship Low Point
9 Key Concepts
Inner Voice / Intuition
The inner voice is believed to be a timeless, higher self or higher power that provides gentle, persistent nudges towards a path that may not make sense to the outside world. It feels like an inner nudge or soft-spoken guidance, often counter to social or familial conditioning.
Expansive vs. Contracted Feeling
This is a physical sensation in the body, often in the solar plexus or gut, used to discern intuition from fear. An 'expansive' feeling (lightness, joy, leaning forward) indicates alignment with intuition, while a 'contracted' feeling (heaviness, dread, closing down) suggests fear or misalignment. This is distinct from thought-generated feelings.
Clarity Comes from Engagement, Not Thought
This mantra suggests that true understanding of one's path or interests is gained by taking action and experimenting, rather than through passive contemplation or endless research. Engaging in activities, even small ones, opens up creative channels and provides real-world insights.
'Everything is Figureoutable' Mindset
A philosophy based on three rules: all problems or dreams are solvable; if not, it's a law of nature (like death); and it's acceptable if you don't care enough to solve or achieve something. This framework encourages honesty about one's true desires and creates a container for problem-solving.
'Wanting to Want'
This describes the phenomenon of desiring to possess a certain motivation or goal (e.g., wanting to want to exercise) because one believes they 'should' want it, rather than genuinely desiring it for themselves. It often leads to self-reproach when the desired action isn't taken.
'Can't' vs. 'Won't'
A linguistic and mindset distinction where 'can't' (implying impossibility or lack of control) is often a euphemism for 'won't' (implying a choice, a lack of priority, or an unwillingness to make sacrifices). Reframing 'can't' to 'won't' empowers individuals by highlighting their agency and true priorities.
Imago Therapy
A structured form of relationship therapy developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. It proposes that individuals often choose partners who embody the exact opposite childhood wounds, creating an opportunity to heal those early experiences through the relationship dynamic. It uses tools like structured dialogue to foster connection.
Multi-Passionate Entrepreneurship
An approach to career and life where an individual allows multiple diverse interests and passions to thrive simultaneously, rather than adhering to conventional advice to focus on a single path. This can lead to unique skill sets, a richer brand, and a more joyful experience, even if growth is initially slower.
Create Before You Consume
A mantra for intentional living, particularly relevant in the digital age, encouraging individuals to engage in creative activities (e.g., strengthening mindset, exercising, making art, connecting with others) before passively consuming media or others' content. This helps maintain focus, well-being, and prevents negative comparison.
11 Questions Answered
You can track your time meticulously for seven days; you will likely be shocked at how much time is spent on activities that don't create significant value or provide open time for creative thought.
Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. Actively pursue interests (e.g., intern, take a class, read books) to gain insight, meet people, and open creative channels, rather than just passively contemplating or scrolling.
Ask yourself if the idea of saying yes to an opportunity makes you feel expansive (lightness, joy, leaning forward) or contracted (heavy, dread, closing down) in your body, as this physical sensation often reveals your true intuitive guidance.
Not necessarily. A study found that entrepreneurs who kept their day job while starting a business were 33% less likely to fail, suggesting it's important to understand your own risk aversion and create a financial runway.
Embrace the philosophy of 'start before you're ready' and accept that the process will be messy, allowing for experimentation and learning from initial, imperfect attempts.
The three rules are: all problems or dreams are figureoutable; if a problem or dream isn't figureoutable, it's a law of nature (like death or taxes); and it's okay if you don't care enough to solve a particular dream or reach a goal.
Replace the word 'can't' with 'won't' or 'that's not a priority for me right now' to acknowledge your choices and align with your true values, rather than making excuses or feeling like a failure.
Consider Imago Therapy, which teaches a structured dialogue process to help partners understand and heal childhood wounds that often manifest in relationship dynamics, fostering deeper connection and mutual understanding.
Step back and ask what truly matters most (e.g., love, friendships, adventure, downtime) and be courageous enough to make choices that align with those values, even if it means changing your definition of success and taking risks.
Be intentional about how you use the tool, setting strong personal boundaries and standards, muting accounts or features that trigger comparison, and prioritizing 'create before you consume' to maintain focus and well-being.
Always trust your instincts and do not outsource wisdom; instead, go within to develop a deeper, more intimate relationship with yourself and trust that a higher intelligence is on your side, providing answers when you are still and courageous.
34 Actionable Insights
1. Adopt a Figureoutable Mindset
Embrace the “figureoutable” mindset by understanding three rules: 1) All problems/dreams are figureoutable, 2) If not, it’s a law of nature (e.g., death), and 3) If you don’t care enough to solve it, that’s okay—find something you genuinely care about and apply rule one. This helps you be honest about your true priorities.
2. Replace ‘Can’t’ with ‘Won’t’
Challenge your language by replacing “I can’t” with “I won’t” or “That’s not a priority for me right now.” “Can’t” often masks a lack of willingness or priority, while “won’t” empowers you to own your choices.
3. Prioritize Creation Over Consumption
Adopt the mantra “create before you consume,” especially when feeling insecure or uncertain. Engage in activities like mindset work, exercise, spending time in nature, or creative pursuits before defaulting to media consumption.
4. Seek Clarity Through Engagement
Don’t wait for perfect clarity; instead, take action and engage with areas of interest (e.g., intern, take a class, read a book). This will give you insight, open creative channels, and help you discover your true path.
5. Time Tracking for Value
Meticulously track your time for seven days to reveal how much time is wasted on low-value activities. Repurpose this time to create open, non-consuming periods for walking, resting, or exercising to foster creative thought and new ideas.
6. Listen to Your Inner Voice
Pay attention to the gentle, persistent inner nudges of your intuition, even if they contradict external expectations or social conditioning. This voice guides you toward your true path.
7. Use Body Sensations for Decisions
When making decisions, close your eyes and feel if the idea makes your body feel expansive (lightness, joy) or contracted (heavy, dread). This visceral sensation can indicate your intuition’s true guidance.
8. Redefine Success by Core Values
Step back and honestly ask yourself what truly matters most (e.g., love, connections, adventure). Redefine your definition of success to align with these core values, ensuring your actions reflect your deepest priorities.
9. Prioritize One Primary Project
Focus on one primary project at a time, making everything else secondary. This creates spaciousness, improves focus, and makes it easier to decline non-essential tasks.
10. Manage Risk When Transitioning
Understand your personal risk aversion and, when transitioning to a new venture, consider strategies like keeping a day job or side work to maintain financial stability. This significantly reduces the likelihood of failure.
11. Start Before You’re Ready
Overcome perfectionism and procrastination by starting before you feel completely ready. Taking imperfect action provides valuable experience and propels you forward.
12. Embrace Multi-Passionate Pursuits
Allow yourself to pursue multiple passions and interests simultaneously, even if it means slower growth in one area. The joy and fulfillment from diverse expression can outweigh singular focus.
13. Heal Childhood Wounds in Relationships
Recognize that you often choose partners who trigger your childhood wounds (e.g., desire for freedom vs. fear of abandonment). Use this dynamic as an opportunity to heal those underlying issues within the relationship.
14. Practice Structured Relationship Dialogue
Utilize structured dialogue tools, such as those from Imago therapy (Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt), to have healing conversations with loved ones. This fosters deeper connection, understanding, and mutual support.
15. Limit Social Media for Well-being
Consciously limit or eliminate social media use if it leads to comparison, self-doubt, or feelings of inadequacy. Reducing consumption can significantly improve mental health, creativity, and overall happiness.
16. Customize Social Media for Health
Be intentional about your social media consumption by curating your feed, muting accounts, or turning off metrics like likes. This avoids populating your “digital library” with “junk values” that lead to comparison and negatively impact your mental health.
17. Meditate and Exercise for Focus
If you have an overactive brain or ADHD, incorporate meditation and exercise into your routine. These practices help reduce mental noise and create space for clearer thinking and intuition.
18. Develop Quitting as a Skill
Recognize that quitting is as important a skill as starting; embrace the idea of “continuing to quit” things that no longer serve you. This reframes quitting as a necessary step for progress, not a failure.
19. Distinguish Wanting from Wanting
Honestly assess whether you genuinely desire a goal or if you merely “want to want it” because you feel you should. Recognizing this distinction prevents self-blame and helps align with true priorities.
20. Embrace Experimentation and Learning
Give yourself permission to experiment and try new things, understanding that not everything will work. Each attempt will provide valuable learning and discovery.
21. Use the 10-Year Regret Test
Apply the “10-year test” by asking yourself if you will regret not pursuing a particular interest or dream a decade from now. A strong “yes” indicates it’s worth pursuing.
22. Leverage Diverse Experiences for Uniqueness
Recognize that seemingly unrelated experiences and passions can converge to create a unique and richer personal brand or business. This provides a distinct advantage and creative edge.
23. Exercise Personal Choice in Life
Recognize and exercise your right to choose your own destiny, whether it includes marriage, children, or other life paths. Do not feel pressured to conform to societal or familial prescriptions.
24. Drive Action by Desire
Shift your motivation from being driven by fear (e.g., fear of losing success) to being driven by desire, fun, and creativity. Say “yes” only to opportunities that elicit a “full body yes.”
25. Design Your Environment for Focus
Intentionally design your physical and technological environment to support your thriving. Minimize interruptions and distractions to enhance focus and productivity.
26. Build Systems, Not Motivation
Create systems and structures that ensure follow-through on tasks, rather than depending on fleeting motivation. Motivation is an unreliable driver for consistent action.
27. Practice Self-Kindness Amidst Doubt
When self-critical voices arise, consciously practice kindness and reassurance towards yourself. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, understanding that self-doubt is common.
28. Cultivate Inner Stillness for Answers
Develop an intimate relationship with yourself by seeking stillness and quiet. Trust that a higher wisdom is within you and will reveal answers when you are courageous enough to listen.
29. Fight for Important Relationships
In moments of relationship crisis, listen to your deeper inner voice that urges you to fight for the relationship with humility and love. Do not succumb to egoic defensiveness or fear.
30. Reflect on Past Intuition Overrides
Review past situations where you ignored your inner voice in favor of ego or external pressure. Note the negative consequences to better recognize and trust your intuition in the future.
31. Practice Intuition in Small Decisions
Hone your intuitive discernment by paying attention to the subtle inner guidance in small, everyday decisions, like what to order or minor personal choices. This practice strengthens your ability to hear it in bigger moments.
32. Cultivate Financial Independence
Strive for financial independence and avoid letting anyone control your money. This provides a foundational sense of safety and autonomy.
33. Balance Contentment with Curiosity
Cultivate a dynamic sense of being where you are fully joyful and grateful for your current achievements. Simultaneously maintain curiosity and excitement for future creations and endeavors, rather than operating from a place of lack.
34. Acknowledge Imposter Syndrome
Understand that imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fake, is common even among high achievers. Acknowledging this internal struggle is a crucial step toward self-compassion and moving past it.
7 Key Quotes
Do not be stupid like I was. Don't ever let a man. Don't ever let anyone control your money. I need you to grow up. I need you to be your own woman. I need you to be independent. Don't be stupid like me.
Marie Forleo's mother
Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.
Marie Forleo
We glamorize starting, it's like, oh my god, they started this thing, but quitting is the equally important thing you have to do before you start.
Marie Forleo
99% of the time when we human beings say 'can't,' it's a euphemism for 'won't'.
Marie Forleo
Most high achievers struggle with feeling like a fake but never talk about it. It's like a dirty little secret everyone's afraid to admit. I'll tell you right now, I still feel this way at times and I've been doing this work for almost two decades.
Marie Forleo
Create before you consume.
Marie Forleo
I don't think I love you anymore.
Marie Forleo's partner, Josh
7 Protocols
Distinguishing Intuition from Fear
Marie Forleo- Think about saying yes to a particular opportunity (e.g., business deal, speaking event).
- Close your eyes and just feel in your body, asking: 'Does the idea of saying yes to this make me feel expansive or contracted?'
- Observe the physical sensation: lightness, expansion, joy, or leaning forward indicates intuition; heaviness, dread, or closing down indicates fear.
Finding Your Path Through Engagement
Marie Forleo- Identify an interest (e.g., art, baking, music) that resonates with you.
- Find a way to take action in that direction, no matter how small (e.g., intern, work for free, pick up a book, take a class).
- Engage in the activity to gain insight, meet people, and discover if it's a hobby or a potential career.
Becoming a Better Quitter
Marie Forleo- Understand your personal risk averseness, especially financially.
- If risk-averse, consider keeping your current job or taking another type of job (e.g., part-time) to create a financial runway while exploring a new venture.
- Give yourself the ability to experiment and see if the new path could work without immediately burning all bridges.
The 'Everything is Figureoutable' Mindset Rules
Marie Forleo- Rule 1: All problems or dreams are figureoutable.
- Rule 2: If a problem or a dream isn't figureoutable, it's a law of nature (e.g., death, taxes).
- Rule 3: You may not care enough to solve a particular dream or reach a particular goal, and that's okay; find something you do care deeply about and go back to Rule 1.
Healing Relationship Dynamics (Imago Therapy)
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt (described by Marie Forleo)- Recognize that you often choose a partner with an opposite childhood wound (e.g., one desires freedom, the other desires attachment).
- Understand that the relationship provides an opportunity to heal these deep-seated wounds.
- Practice structured communication tools, such as 'dialogue,' to connect, see, hear, and understand each other's needs without feeling threatened.
Time Genius Program Overview
Marie Forleo- Change your mindset from time stress to a 'time genius' paradigm, believing there is always time for what's most important.
- Identify and focus on one primary project, allowing everything else to be secondary, which creates spaciousness and focus.
- Design your environment and use technology to set yourself up to win every day, minimizing distractions.
- Set yourself up for follow-through and do not rely solely on motivation.
Intentional Social Media Use
Marie Forleo- Be intentional about how you use social media, recognizing its potential impact on your values and mental health.
- Set strong personal boundaries and standards for engagement.
- Mute accounts or features that trigger comparison or negative feelings.
- Prioritize 'create before you consume' – engage in creative activities before passively consuming content.