#241 ‒ Living intentionally, valuing time, prioritizing relationships, and more keys to a rich life | Ric Elias (Part 2)
Peter Attia speaks with Ric Elias, co-founder and CEO of Red Ventures, about evolving life insights since his near-death experience. They discuss intentional living, relationships, parenting, the importance of looking forward, and finding purpose through continuous growth and philanthropy.
Deep Dive Analysis
19 Topic Outline
Reflecting on Tumultuous Years and Flight 1549 Perspective
Parenting: The 'Tug of War' and Evolving Relationships
Motivation and Impact of Ric's 'Friends Summit'
Lessons from Marshall Roush: Looking Forward and Aging
The Importance of Continuous Growth and Staying Engaged
Evolving Purpose as Children Grow Older
Honoring Captain Sullenberger and Flight 1549 Legacy
From Regrets to Intentionality: Life Lessons from Near-Death
Valuing Time and Living with Complete Intention
Red Ventures Update and Changes in Work Culture
Pros and Cons of Remote and Hybrid Work
Philanthropy: The Giving Pledge and Systemic Change
Golden Door Scholars Program for Undocumented Students
Road to Hire Program: Tech Training for Underserved Youth
Ric's Health and Longevity Journey: Exercise and Mindset
Letting Go of Guilt and Cultivating Self-Love
The Relationship Between Happiness and Wealth
Playing the 'Infinite Game' and Ignoring External Criticism
Parental Pressure, Greatness, and the Value of Struggle
5 Key Concepts
Parenting as a Tug of War
This metaphor describes raising teenagers, where parents must ultimately 'lose' by gradually letting go of control and allowing their children to become independent adults, transitioning from a parental role to more of a coach or advisor.
Age of Spirit
This concept suggests that one's true age is determined not by physical or mental decline, but by whether they are using a 'rearview mirror' (dwelling on the past) or a 'windshield' (focusing on future growth, learning, and opportunities).
True Intentionality
This is a deep, conscious approach to living life, born from the realization that time is fleeting. It involves combining energy into meaningful activities, eliminating unproductive ones, and actively choosing how one spends their time and focus.
Guilt as a Useless Emotion
Ric Elias posits that guilt is the most unproductive emotion one can have, often rooted in societal or religious conditioning. Eliminating guilt allows for a kinder internal dialogue, fosters self-love, and simplifies life by removing unnecessary friction.
The Infinite Game
This mental model, popularized by Simon Sinek, suggests that the objective in life and business is not to 'win' but to stay in the game and perpetuate it. It encourages a mindset focused on continuous play, purpose, and growth rather than finite outcomes or competition.
12 Questions Answered
Ric attributes his even keel and lack of extreme emotional highs or lows to the experience, understanding that 'this too shall pass' and focusing on the process of life rather than being tied to specific outcomes.
Parents should view raising teenagers as a 'tug of war' they must ultimately lose, transitioning from being a primary parent to more of a coach, advisor, or friend, allowing children to make their own decisions.
Ric's motivation was to create memorable experiences with people he deeply connected with, fostering new friendships among his existing friends and spreading love through these connections, as he believes relationships are the core of a rich life.
Ric believes that staying engaged, constantly learning new things, and thinking about future opportunities, rather than dwelling on past accomplishments, keeps one's 'age of spirit' young and prevents feelings of irrelevance.
Ric emphasizes living with true intentionality, valuing time as a precious resource, investing deeply in meaningful relationships (especially friendships), and continuously expanding one's sense of purpose beyond personal achievements.
While remote work offers flexibility and can increase productivity in some roles, Ric worries it may hinder the crucial apprenticeship and experiential learning for young professionals (ages 20-30), potentially impacting future national competitiveness.
The Giving Pledge is a commitment by wealthy individuals to give away at least 50% of their wealth during their lifetime or upon death. Ric signed it to fulfill a commitment and to promote the idea that wealth should benefit everyone, not just a few.
Ric has transitioned from high-impact sports like basketball to lower-impact activities like tennis, focusing on functional strength, balance, and continuous learning of new skills to stay active and healthy for as long as possible.
Ric actively works to eliminate guilt, viewing it as a useless emotion. He focuses on self-love, quickly owning mistakes without dwelling on them, and maintaining a kind internal dialogue to simplify life and enhance his ability to give to others.
Ric believes happiness and wealth are not necessarily coupled; happiness is a choice. While wealth can provide conveniences, pursuing it as the sole objective can lead to emptiness and a feeling of running the 'wrong race'.
Ric applies the infinite game by focusing on staying in the game and perpetuating it, rather than winning or losing. This mindset helps him avoid jealousy, detach from outcomes, and focus on continuous play and purpose.
Ric considers it a 'goofy starting point' and an unnecessary burden. He hopes his children find their own gifts, pursue them with love, become great parents, and contribute positively to the world, rather than focusing on external metrics of success.
26 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Self-Love, Eliminate Guilt
Prioritize the relationship with yourself by being kind and loving, actively working to eliminate guilt as a useless emotion, and reframing mistakes as part of being human and learning.
2. Live with True Intentionality
Value time as if it costs money, actively combine energy into desired activities, stop undesired ones, and set weekly intentions to live a richer life, recognizing that everything is fleeting.
3. Prioritize Future-Oriented Thinking
Maintain a forward-looking perspective, continuously planning, learning, and staying engaged in ’the arena’ to keep your spirit young, relevant, and avoid feeling old.
4. Embrace Continuous Growth
Redefine your ‘horsepower’ as you age by focusing on continuous personal growth and learning, accepting that it’s okay to shift roles or positions in life to stay engaged and avoid aging in spirit.
5. Cultivate Deep Friendships
Actively convert ‘deal friends’ into ‘real friends’ by investing significant energy into these relationships, as they are a primary source of learning, growth, and life’s richness.
6. Disregard Stranger Opinions
Actively ignore the opinions of strangers, especially online comments, as they hold no value; instead, prioritize feedback and respect from those who genuinely know and care about you.
7. Play the Infinite Game
Adopt an ‘infinite game’ mindset where the objective is to continuously participate and perpetuate what matters to you, rather than focusing on winning or losing, which can eliminate jealousy.
8. Embrace Process, Not Outcome
Focus on doing what you can in the moment and staying in the process, rather than tying yourself to outcomes, to navigate life’s challenges with more equanimity.
9. Adapt Exercise for Longevity
Transition from high-impact sports prone to injury to new activities that provide good workouts, maintain physical function, and allow for continuous learning, while listening to your body’s signals to avoid injury.
10. Continuously Learn New Skills
Actively seek to learn new skills and hobbies (e.g., tennis, salsa, a new language) to keep your mind engaged, embrace the ‘apprenticeship’ and ‘struggle’ of learning, and prevent feeling ‘old by stuff’.
11. Shield Kids from Unrealistic Pressure
Be mindful of the external pressure placed on children of successful parents, and instead, encourage them to find their own gifts, pursue their passions with love, and become great parents, rather than focusing on outperforming parents financially.
12. Evolve Parental Role
Transition from being a parent to more of a coach, advisor, or friend as children grow, allowing them to make their own decisions and fostering their sense of autonomy.
13. Invest Time Wisely
Categorize your time into wasting, using, and investing, and consciously adjust the ratio to maximize investment in activities that yield long-term dividends, such as deep friendships.
14. Practice Self-Awareness of Thoughts
Be highly aware of your internal dialogue, objectively evaluate if your thoughts are productive or habitual, and actively choose to break negative thought patterns like guilt.
15. Promptly Apologize, Forgive Yourself
When you make a mistake or snap at someone, quickly own it, apologize sincerely, and then forgive yourself without carrying guilt, recognizing it as part of your humanity.
16. Radiate Positive Energy
Cultivate inner peace and positive energy, then freely give it to others through small daily interactions without expecting anything in return, recognizing its widespread impact.
17. Curate Friend Experiences
Intentionally create experiences with loved ones to build memorable moments and foster deeper friendships, even leveraging existing friendships to help others connect and make new friends.
18. Plan for Grandparenting Activities
Envision specific activities you want to do with future grandchildren, both grand and mundane, to motivate health and longevity goals.
19. Broaden Purpose as Kids Mature
Recognize when children become independent adults as an opportunity to broaden your personal purpose beyond direct parenting.
20. Create Lasting Legacy
Seek ways to honor significant people or events through enduring contributions that will outlast your lifetime, such as naming a museum.
21. Define Your Own Race
Do not equate wealth with happiness, as they are uncoupled; instead, define your own ‘race’ in life, focusing on personal satisfaction and purpose rather than societal expectations of wealth.
22. Embrace Struggle for Resilience
Value and seek out experiences of struggle and adversity, as they teach resilience, the ability to be coached, and how to navigate life’s inevitable challenges, which can be more beneficial than constant greatness.
23. Prioritize In-Person Apprenticeship
For young professionals (ages 20-30), seek immersive in-person work environments that provide tutoring, coaching, and experiential learning to build depth and intuition, which remote work may hinder.
24. Leverage Philanthropy for High-Risk Pilots
Use philanthropic funds to take financial risks on pilot programs and proofs of principle that governments cannot, creating roadmaps for scalable solutions to systemic issues.
25. Train for Specific Jobs
Address workforce skill gaps by starting with identified job needs and then training individuals directly for those jobs, rather than providing general education and hoping for employment.
26. Appreciate Early Parenthood Later
If possible, embrace parenthood later in life to potentially have greater maturity and appreciation for the early stages of raising children.
8 Key Quotes
My son, raising teenagers is a tug of war... that you ultimately must lose.
Ric Elias (quoting his mother)
What greater currency in life than spreading love through friendship?
Ric Elias
Your age really can be told by what you think about aging of our spirit, not of our bodies, not of our mind, but of our spirit. It's really about which mirror you're using. Are you using the rear view mirror or the windshield?
Ric Elias
I think the day that you stop growing is the day you age.
Ric Elias
The problem with time is the same problem that we have most things that are free. We don't value it.
Ric Elias
The most important relationship we have, the most important friend we have is ourselves. And that unless we get that right, everything else will have a lot of friction.
Ric Elias
Guilt is the most useless emotion one can have.
Ric Elias
The opinion of a stranger has zero value to me. Now, if you call me and say, dude, I heard you say this or do this, and that feels like not you, I will listen because I know that you know me and you care.
Ric Elias
2 Protocols
Road to Hire Program for Technology Training
Ric Elias- Go into Title I high schools to start teaching coding, primarily to black and brown students.
- Provide a two-year apprenticeship program where students are paid to learn.
- Partner with corporations in Charlotte to offer jobs to graduates of the program.
- Focus on filling existing job vacancies with trained individuals and solving diversity challenges for corporations.
Breaking the Habit of Guilt
Ric Elias- Become very aware of all your thoughts and objectivize what you're hearing in your head.
- Evaluate if the thought is productive, helping you, or just a learned habit from your upbringing.
- If you make a mistake or don't show up as desired, own it quickly (e.g., within 20-30 minutes) and apologize if necessary.
- Replace guilt with self-love, treating yourself with kindness and understanding that mistakes are part of being human and learning, rather than carrying a burden of self-condemnation.