A child psychologist’s guide to working with difficult adults | Dr. Becky Kennedy

Feb 1, 2026 1h 31m 13 insights Episode Page ↗
Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of "Good Inside," explains how parenting principles apply to workplace leadership. She discusses building resilience, setting boundaries, and fostering connection by treating adults like "babies in disguise" to improve relationships and productivity.
Actionable Insights

1. Practice ‘I Believe You and I Believe in You’

When someone is struggling, validate their feelings by saying “I believe you” and acknowledging their experience, then express confidence in their ability to overcome the challenge by saying “I believe in you.” This helps them feel seen and capable, fostering resilience.

2. Master the Art of Repair

After a moment you’re not proud of, go back to the person, take responsibility for your part, acknowledge the impact on them, and discuss what you’ll do differently next time. This reestablishes trust and connection, leading to better cooperation.

3. Set Clear, Action-Oriented Boundaries

Define boundaries as what you will do, requiring the other person to do nothing. This prevents giving your power away and ensures you maintain control over your actions, even if others react emotionally, which is a sign the boundary is working.

4. Be a Sturdy Leader

Act as a stable, calm presence by acknowledging others’ emotional experiences as real for them, but without being overwhelmed or dictated by them. Make decisions with conviction, even if unpopular, to provide a sense of safety and direction.

5. Connect Before Correcting

Approach conversations with a ‘without an agenda’ mindset, being present and seeing the other person as a full human being for at least 30 seconds before addressing an issue. This builds a bridge of connection, making them more receptive to your message and fostering cooperation.

6. Assume ‘Good Inside’ & Separate Behavior from Identity

Recognize that people are inherently good, even if their behavior is problematic. Separate the person’s identity from their actions (e.g., ‘a good person who is late’) to avoid defensiveness and enable more productive conversations about changing behavior.

7. Apply the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI)

When someone’s behavior is frustrating, actively seek the most generous interpretation of their actions instead of the least generous. This shifts your mindset, helps you like the person again, and leads to more effective, empathetic interventions.

8. Prioritize Resilience Over Short-Term Happiness

In leadership and parenting, focus on building the capacity to cope with a wide range of difficult experiences (disappointment, jealousy, anger) rather than constantly optimizing for immediate happiness. This fosters capability and long-term well-being.

9. View Bad Behavior as Unmanaged Feelings

Understand that bad behavior at any age often stems from feelings overpowering skills. Instead of punishing, act like a coach: set boundaries around the behavior, then teach the missing skills to help individuals manage their internal experiences more effectively.

10. Cultivate Curiosity Over Judgment

When faced with challenging behavior, approach it with curiosity to understand what might be missing or going on internally, rather than immediately applying judgment. This allows for deeper understanding and more effective problem-solving.

11. Name Your Intentions Clearly

When making requests or decisions that might be perceived as controlling, clearly state your underlying intention upfront. This helps others interpret your actions through your intended purpose, reducing misinterpretation and resistance.

12. Embrace the ‘Forever Learner’ Mindset

Apply the same growth mindset you use at work to your personal life, especially parenting. Recognize that skills can be learned, and it’s okay to make mistakes; focus on growing and learning from challenges rather than striving for perfection.

13. Ask for Feedback from Your Kids

Periodically ask your children, ‘If I could do one thing different this week to be a better parent to you, what would it be?’ This demonstrates openness, provides insight into their world, and can improve their behavior by making them feel heard and valued.