How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker)

Mar 31, 2024 1h 11m 27 insights Episode Page ↗
Matt Abrahams, a Stanford GSB professor and author, shares techniques to reduce public speaking anxiety and improve on-the-spot communication. He covers strategies for prepared talks, Q&A, small talk, feedback, and apologies, emphasizing that speaking well is a career superpower.
Actionable Insights

1. Prepare to Be Spontaneous

Recognize that getting better at spontaneous speaking requires preparation and practice, similar to athletes or jazz musicians, as this foundational work improves your ability to respond effectively on the spot.

2. Structure On-the-Spot Communication

When speaking spontaneously, use a logical structure (beginning, middle, end) to organize your thoughts, as this halves your burden by providing a ‘how to say it’ framework, allowing you to focus on ‘what to say’.

3. Practice Communication Structures

To internalize communication structures, regularly apply them (e.g., summarizing podcasts with ‘What, So What, Now What’) and dissect others’ communication, as repetition, reflection, and feedback are key to improvement.

4. Visualize Success to Desensitize Anxiety

Before speaking, visualize yourself getting on stage, delivering well, and being well-received, as this desensitizes you and makes the event feel less new and novel, giving you a sense of agency.

5. Strive for Connection Over Perfection

Approach communication by daring to be dull and striving for connection over perfection, which dials down self-evaluation and frees up cognitive resources for better engagement and success.

6. Reframe Anxiety as Excitement

When feeling physical symptoms of anxiety, reframe them as signs of excitement, as the body’s arousal response is similar for both, and labeling it positively helps you relax and communicate better.

7. Adopt a Positive Mantra

Combat negative self-talk by repeating a simple, positive mantra like ‘I have value to bring’ before speaking, to turn down internal noise and remind yourself of your contribution.

8. Insight 8

Recognize that public speaking anxiety is a normal human condition and that many successful communicators experience it, which can reduce the pressure you feel by normalizing the experience.

9. Frame Talks as Conversations

Reduce anxiety by reframing presentations or meetings as conversations, even with yourself (e.g., asking and answering questions), as people often feel more comfortable in conversational settings.

10. Distract Audience to Ease In

Start a presentation by briefly distracting the audience with a question, story, or video, to shift attention away from you for a moment, allowing you to calm down and ease into your content.

11. Practice Double Exhale Breathing

To calm yourself, practice deep belly breathing where your exhale is twice as long as your inhale (e.g., three counts in, six counts out), as the relaxation response happens during the exhale, slowing heart rate and improving focus.

12. Use Tongue Twisters to Get Present

Say tongue twisters out loud before speaking to get present-oriented and warm up your voice, as focusing on the twister prevents worrying about future outcomes and prepares your vocal cords.

13. Apply the PREP Structure

For making a point spontaneously, use the PREP structure: make your Point, give a Reason, provide an Example, and then restate your Point, to ensure clarity and impact.

14. Use What, So What, Now What

For broader presentations or updates, use the ‘What, So What, Now What’ structure: state ‘What’ you’re talking about, explain ‘So What’ (why it’s important), and outline ‘Now What’ (next steps), making information digestible and memorable.

15. Be Interested in Small Talk

Approach small talk by being interested in the other person rather than trying to be interesting yourself, as this fosters connection by setting them up for success and encouraging reciprocity.

16. Balance Disclosure in Small Talk

Maintain a comparable level of disclosure in small talk over time; if one person shares deeply, the other should eventually match that depth to avoid awkwardness and foster genuine connection.

17. Use Supporting Responses in Small Talk

In conversations, prioritize supporting responses (asking for more details) over shifting responses (changing the topic to yourself), to encourage the other person to share more and show genuine interest.

18. Frame Feedback as Problem Solving

View giving feedback as an opportunity to problem-solve collaboratively, rather than just delivering an opinion, which invites the other person to work with you on the issue.

19. Structure Feedback with What, So What, Now What

When giving feedback, use the ‘What, So What, Now What’ structure: describe ‘What’ happened, explain ‘So What’ (the impact/consequences), and suggest ‘Now What’ (what to do differently), for clear and actionable advice.

20. Apply the Four I’s Feedback Structure

For a robust feedback approach, use the ‘Four I’s’ structure: state the Information (what happened), describe the Impact (on you), offer an Invitation (to collaborate), and explain the Implications (consequences/benefits).

21. Use WHAT Structure for Toasts

For toasts and tributes, use the WHAT acronym: state Why you’re here, explain How you’re connected, share an Anecdote, and express Thanks/Gratitude, to keep it focused and impactful.

22. Be Brief in Toasts

Aim for brevity when giving toasts, as nobody complains about a toast that is too short, ensuring your message is concise and well-received.

23. Show Emotion Through Anecdotes

In toasts, convey genuine emotion by ‘showing’ it through relevant anecdotes and stories rather than just ’telling’ you’re emotional, as this connects more deeply with the audience.

24. View Q&A as Opportunity

Approach Q&A sessions as opportunities to extend, expand, connect, and learn, rather than as threats, even in hostile situations, to maximize value.

25. Use the ADD Structure for Q&A

When answering questions, use the ADD structure: Answer cleanly, give a Detailed example, and Describe the relevance/significance, to provide complete and impactful responses.

26. Use AAA for Apologies

For effective apologies, use the AAA structure: Acknowledge the specific behavior/offense, Appreciate the difficulty/impact caused, and make Amends by stating specific actions to remedy the situation.

27. Apologize for Actions, Not Feelings

When apologizing, focus on acknowledging the specific transgression or problem you caused, rather than just saying ‘I’m sorry you feel bad,’ to take responsibility and make a genuine apology.