Behaviour Change Scientist: How I Lost 120lbs With Kindness: Shahroo Izadi

Feb 16, 2023 1h 20 insights
Sheru Izadi, an expert in breaking bad habits and beating addiction, discusses her journey from binge eating and low self-esteem to self-compassion. She shares actionable strategies for overcoming imposter syndrome, changing ingrained behaviors, and cultivating a kinder, more effective approach to self-improvement.
Actionable Insights

1. Treat Yourself Like Loved Ones

Apply the same compassionate, supportive, and empowering advice you would give to someone you love to yourself, especially when facing setbacks, to build self-esteem and get back on track effectively.

2. Practice Listening to Your Self-Talk

Actively listen to the internal dialogue you have with yourself, particularly when attempting to change a habit, as this process turns up the volume on your inner voice and reveals underlying assumptions.

3. Inquire into Your Story with Compassion

Instead of self-criticism, delve into the origins of your behaviors and self-perceptions with curiosity and compassion, understanding how you came to be this way without blame, and taking responsibility for change.

4. Use Habit Change to Update Self-Talk

View the discomfort of changing habits as a ‘Trojan horse’ to listen in on and debate with your unhelpful self-talk, allowing you to update old narratives and assumptions about yourself.

5. Disprove Negative Self-Talk with Evidence

Challenge the stubborn, negative stories you tell yourself by actively seeking and collecting evidence to the contrary, as many self-limiting beliefs are often untrue or outdated.

6. Combine Firmness and Compassion

When changing habits that involve discomfort (like cravings or urges), hold both firmness (sticking to your plan) and compassion (acknowledging the difficulty) in your self-talk, like a parent with a crying child, until the new behavior becomes easier.

7. Take Your Life Off Hold

Stop making kindness and self-care conditional on achieving a future goal; start doing the things you’ve been putting off now, as this will put you in a better position to achieve your goals more quickly.

8. Act as If You’ll Never Change

If you struggle with procrastination or conditional self-kindness, entertain the thought that you might never change and then immediately start doing the things you’ve been putting on hold, which can be a powerful catalyst for actual change.

9. Give Yourself Permission for Difficulty

Allow yourself to find certain tasks or changes incredibly difficult, even if others perceive them as simple, without internalizing it as a sign of weakness or stupidity, which helps overcome imposter syndrome and shame.

10. Focus on Demonstrating Capacity

Shift your focus from the long-term desired outcome to the immediate opportunity to demonstrate your capacity for change, as this day-to-day engagement is more compelling and sustainable than relying solely on future motivation.

11. Understand How Unhelpful Behaviors Serve You

Instead of viewing unhelpful behaviors as problems, inquire compassionately into how they might be serving you (e.g., as a solution to an underlying issue), to address the root cause rather than just the symptom.

12. Identify and Question Self-Talk Vocabulary

Write down the specific phrases and vocabulary you use when you fall off track, then reflect on whether this language is truly yours or if it’s external messaging you’ve internalized, making it easier to challenge and change.

13. Create a Non-Judgmental Snapshot

Begin any change process by writing a private, honest, and non-judgmental ‘snapshot letter’ of where you are currently, anchoring your starting point and helping you meet and accept yourself as you are.

14. Anticipate Fears and Downsides of Change

Before embarking on change, identify what you’re afraid you might have to experience or prove, or what if the outcome isn’t as good as you think, to proactively address these mental blocks.

15. Prepare for Motivation Dips

Assume your plans will not always go perfectly and that your motivation will waver; prepare for these moments by having a pre-planned, compassionate, and firm conversation with yourself to get back on track.

16. Add/Remove Friction for Habits

Make unwanted behaviors harder to do by adding friction (e.g., removing credit card details from delivery apps) and desired behaviors easier by removing friction (e.g., sleeping in gym clothes), to disrupt autopilot and encourage intentional choices.

17. Prevent Hunger to Avoid Late-Night Eating

To break the habit of late-night eating, ensure you are not hungry during those times, as addressing the physiological need can be a simple yet effective strategy.

18. Collect Evidence Against Your Worries

When experiencing anxiety, write down or record your worries and then reflect later on how often those feared outcomes actually materialized, using this evidence to calm your nervous system and reduce future anxiety.

19. Preempt Anxiety by Playing Tape Forward

Anticipate predictable anxiety responses by ‘playing the tape forward’ and mentally preparing for how you’ll feel after a challenging event, making the anxiety less personal and more predictable.

20. Use Breath Work to Calm Anxiety

Incorporate breath work and other calming techniques to manage anxiety, helping to create a separation between your thoughts and current reality, and fostering a curious, compassionate perspective on your mental state.