Former No.1 Pick-Up Artist: “We’re Wired to Cheat After 7 Years”, “I Was In A Relationship With My Mum”, The True Danger Of Porn: Neil Strauss

1. Embrace Humility to Heal

Begin your healing journey by embracing humility and acknowledging that your current thinking won’t solve your problems, requiring you to surrender to expert guidance.

2. Implement 3-Step Healing Process

Address deep-seated issues through intensive emotional workshops, maintain progress with ongoing group or talk therapy, and develop specific tools to use when old behavioral patterns resurface.

3. Identify Childhood Enmeshment

Recognize if your childhood involved enmeshment, where your role was to take care of your parent’s needs or you felt sorry for them, as this can lead to feeling trapped and escaping relationships as an adult.

4. Practice Inner Child Reparenting

When feeling trapped or uncomfortable in intimate moments, practice ‘reparenting’ by consciously reassuring your inner child that the current situation is safe and different from past traumas.

5. Become the Person You Seek

Instead of creating a fantasy list of what you want in a partner, focus on becoming that person yourself, as you will attract someone at your own level of growth and self-esteem.

6. Prioritize Mental Health Equally

Treat mental health with the same seriousness as physical health, as a strong foundation in mental well-being is crucial for preventing self-harm, stress-related diseases, and fostering overall health.

7. Non-Reactive Conflict Management

Learn to recognize early physical signs of upset during conflict (e.g., racing heart, tension) and immediately step away to calm down before reacting, aiming for a non-reactive response.

8. Utilize Group Therapy for Support

Form a group with friends to share the cost of a therapist, as group dynamics can more effectively challenge wrong thinking and provide consistent support and accountability.

9. Build Inner Self-Esteem

Cultivate self-esteem from within through self-work, physical activity, meaningful contributions, and strong social connections, rather than seeking external validation.

10. Practice Other-Oriented Service

Shift from a self-oriented mindset to an other-oriented one by actively seeking ways to be of service and make others feel good, rather than expecting external sources to fulfill your needs.

11. Assess Actions: Constructive or Destructive

When evaluating behaviors, ask if the action feels constructive or destructive, and prioritize choices that lead to feeling better and are constructive for your well-being.

12. Prioritize Long-Term Happiness

Adopt the principle of not trading long-term happiness for short-term pleasure, especially in relationships, to avoid actions that create distance and destroy intimacy.

13. Accept Relationship Consequences

Recognize that you are free to make any choice in a relationship, but you must be honest and accept the full consequences, understanding that prioritizing a short-term desire might mean losing the relationship.

14. Own Your Self-Abandonment

As an adult, understand that true abandonment comes from yourself, not others; if a loved one leaves, it will hurt, but you will not die, reframing the fear of being left.

15. Prioritize Honesty Over Fidelity

Recognize that fidelity and honesty are distinct; if sexual needs change, an open and honest discussion with your partner can lead to renegotiating relationship agreements rather than secret infidelity.

16. Focus on Intentions, Not Rules

In relationships, prioritize shared intentions like honor, honesty, and respect as discussion points, rather than rigid rules, to foster understanding and meet underlying needs like safety.

17. Ensure Partner’s Emotional Fullness

If considering an open relationship, ensure your partner feels an ‘abundance’ of love, sex, and connection from you first, as this reduces fear and insecurity when engaging with others.

18. Cultivate No-Resistance Mindset

Adopt a ’no-resistance’ mindset when facing obstacles or unwanted tasks, dealing with them directly without procrastination or creating victim narratives, and then moving on.

19. Remove Ego from Creative Process

Approach creative endeavors by removing your ego, surrendering to the moment, and allowing the work to become what it wants to be, rather than imposing your will or expectations.

20. Value Differences in Partnerships

Embrace and value differences in opinions and approaches within business or personal partnerships, as alignment on everything indicates redundancy and a lack of unique contribution.

21. Avoid Self-Branding

Instead of rigidly branding yourself, focus on individual projects and allow the world to define you, as this allows for continuous growth and evolution without being constrained by past labels.

22. Mentally Prepare for Crisis

While physical prepping has limits, the most effective preparation for future uncertainties and crises is to cultivate mental resilience and adaptability for the unknown.