Masculinity Debate: Are Dating Apps Creating A Generation Of Incels?! Lonely Men Are More Dangerous Than Ever!

1. Prioritize Self-Improvement for Men

Men should focus on becoming attractive mates by being in shape, having a plan for financial stability, demonstrating kindness, and building confidence. This holistic approach makes them desirable partners and improves overall well-being.

2. Embrace Men’s Groups

Join or form men’s groups to create a masculine space for emotional support, accountability, and peer advice. These groups help men process struggles, develop emotional skills, and grow together.

3. Reinvest Screen Time Wisely

Identify and reduce excessive screen time (e.g., 8-12 hours/week) and reallocate that ‘capital’ into productive investments like physical fitness, earning money, and social engagement.

4. Cultivate Kindness and Manners

Men should consciously demonstrate kindness, good manners, thoughtfulness, and follow-up in all interactions. This ‘secret weapon’ signals a good person and builds trust in relationships.

5. Develop Conflict Resolution Skills

Men should learn to actively listen to their romantic partners during conflict, even taking notes and repeating back what was said. This skill is crucial for healthy long-term relationships and is often unnatural for men.

6. Practice Social Risk-Taking

Actively seek out social interactions and practice asking people out for coffee or to social events, even if the goal is to get a ’no.’ This builds resilience to rejection and improves social skills.

7. Pursue Economic Viability

Start making money, even through small jobs like Lyft or TaskRabbit, to gain a taste for financial independence and understand the economy. Economic viability is crucial for a man’s sense of purpose and societal standing.

8. Prioritize Physical Strength

Engage in weight training at least three times a week to build physical strength. This enhances mental health, confidence, and provides a sense of capability and well-being.

9. Aspire to Surplus Value

Adopt a mindset of creating ‘surplus value’ in life, meaning giving more than you take. This involves noticing others’ lives, listening to complaints, and protecting the vulnerable, defining true masculinity.

10. Express Emotions Authentically

Men should practice expressing their emotions when struggling, rather than suppressing them or letting them manifest as anger. This is crucial for mental health and building deeper connections.

11. Manage Depression with SCAFA

When feeling depressed, try the ‘SCAFA’ routine: Sweat (exercise), Clean (eat well, tidy home), Abstinence (from pot/alcohol), Family (spend time with loved ones), Affection (seek physical closeness).

12. Read Fiction to Build Empathy

Incorporate reading fiction books into your routine. Fiction helps build empathy by allowing you to experience the world through different perspectives, improving understanding of others.

13. Engage in Community Activities

Twice a week, put yourself in the company of strangers and something bigger than yourself, such as a church group, softball league, or nonprofit. This fosters social connections and a sense of belonging.

14. Modulate Porn Consumption

Young men should try to modulate their use of pornography to prevent it from replacing real-life social and romantic interactions. This helps preserve the ‘mojo’ and motivation for genuine connection.

15. Cultivate Passions and Growth

Develop and actively discuss personal passions and a commitment to self-improvement on dates. Women are often drawn to men who are continuously working on themselves and pursuing interests.

16. Focus on Effort in Dating

Men should understand that women value effort more than perfection in dating. Remember details, text thoughtfully, and plan dates to show genuine care and interest.

17. Practice Self-Reflection

Regularly take quiet time to identify and articulate the most pressing issues or struggles. This habit, often done with Post-it notes in men’s groups, helps men understand their emotional landscape.

18. Build a Personal Board

Create a personal ‘board of directors’ of trusted individuals to consult when making big life decisions. This provides diverse perspectives, identifies blind spots, and offers hard advice.

19. Give Second Dates a Chance

Women should make the second date the default, especially if the first date was just ‘okay.’ Some partners, like ‘slow burns,’ take longer to open up and reveal their true potential.

20. Broaden Dating App Filters

Women should consider changing or removing height filters on dating apps. Restrictive filters can exclude many potentially great partners, as only a small percentage of men meet common height preferences.

21. Seek Male Role Models

Parents, especially single mothers, should actively seek out other men (e.g., coaches, relatives, community members) to be involved in their sons’ lives. This provides essential male guidance and support.

22. Consider Delayed School Entry

Parents should consider redshirting boys, holding them back a year before starting kindergarten, to better align with their developmental readiness. Research suggests boys mature slower than girls.

23. Increase Recess and Play

Advocate for or seek out educational environments that provide more recess time, free play, and roughhousing for boys. This caters to their need for physical activity and helps manage energy.

24. Encourage More Social Drinking

Young people should consider drinking more and going out to make ‘bad decisions’ that might pay off socially. Alcohol can act as a social lubricant, breaking down initial awkwardness in romantic interactions.