Moment 69 - People Pleasing Is Hurting You: Lewis Howes

Aug 5, 2022 10m 48s 8 insights
This episode explores the pitfalls of people-pleasing and compromising one's authentic self in relationships. The host discusses prioritizing personal health and mission above a partner, and the importance of communicating core values and boundaries early on.
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Health and Mission

Make your health your number one priority, followed by your mission or calling, because without these, you cannot fully show up in your relationships or for others. This approach ensures you have the energy and purpose to offer the best version of yourself.

2. Do Not Compromise Core Self

Avoid compromising your core values and authentic self in relationships, as this leads to inauthenticity, resentment, and unhappiness. True love does not require you to change your fundamental essence for someone else.

3. Take Relationship Responsibility

Take full responsibility for the relationships you choose, stay in, or leave, rather than blaming others. Acknowledge if fear or lack of self-confidence prevents you from stepping away from unhealthy dynamics.

4. Be Willing to Walk Away

Cultivate the willingness to walk away from any relationship that compromises your authentic self or is not in alignment with your values and vision. This detachment ensures you prioritize your well-being and allows for genuine connection.

5. Communicate Priorities Early

Clearly communicate your personal priorities and unwillingness to change your core identity early in a relationship. This sets healthy expectations and attracts partners who respect your authentic self and purpose.

6. Seek Value and Vision Alignment

Ensure your relationships are in alignment with your partner’s and your own values, vision, and lifestyle. If fundamental acceptance and alignment are missing, the relationship may not be sustainable.

7. Improve Flaws, Not Core Personality

Be open to improving personal flaws and adjusting behaviors, but refuse to change your core personality or essence for anyone. Distinguish between self-improvement and abandoning who you fundamentally are.

8. Be Committed, Not Attached

Approach relationships with commitment but without attachment, holding them loosely rather than suffocating them. This mindset allows for deep connection while maintaining personal freedom and authenticity.