Most Played Moment: How To ALWAYS Have Great Sex: The Orgasm Queen, Susan Bratton

Mar 14, 2025 12m 23s 10 insights
The episode discusses rekindling intimacy in relationships, emphasizing open communication through a "Sexual Soulmate Pact" and prioritizing physical connection. It highlights the importance of removing pressure, embracing small, low-stakes gestures, and exploring "erotic playdates" to foster fun and novelty.
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Physical Holding to Reduce Stress

Start with holding and being held by your partner, as this generates oxytocin, which acts as an antidote to the cortisol produced by daily stressors. You can simply crawl into your partner’s arms without needing a conversation.

2. Establish a Sexual Soulmate Pact

Create an agreement with your partner where you can express anything you want or feel, and they will be happy to hear it, not taking it as criticism. This fosters an environment where both partners are hungry to understand each other’s desires and feelings.

3. Eliminate “Should” and External Comparisons

Ban the use of “should” in your relationship, especially when discussing intimacy, as it often stems from social comparisons and creates guilt. Focus on your unique relationship dynamics rather than external benchmarks.

4. Offer Small, Low-Pressure Intimacy Gestures

Initiate intimacy with small, non-pressured offers, such as setting up a relaxing environment with candles and favorite music, and simply offering to hold or massage your partner. This allows for gradual arousal, especially for women, who need time to calm down and get into their bodies.

5. Remove Pressure for Arousal and Intercourse

Take the pressure off any expectation for intercourse or immediate arousal during intimate moments. When pressure is removed, individuals can relax, feel safe, and naturally allow their bodies to enter a state of arousal and connection.

6. Rebuild Intimacy Gradually with Small Steps

Acknowledge that relationship phases, like having kids, can make intimacy challenging, and commit to starting small. Approach rekindling intimacy by crawling, then walking, then running back to lovemaking at your own pace.

7. Embrace Erotic Playdates for Fun

Shift your perspective on sexuality from a goal-oriented act (like intercourse) to an opportunity for erotic adventure and fun, such as trying new sex toys or locations. This reduces pressure and often leads to more frequent and enjoyable intimacy.

8. Balance Safety with Novelty in Sex

Recognize that good sex requires both safety and security (trust, comfort) and variety and novelty (erotic adventures, learning new things). While safety is foundational, adding new experiences prevents boredom and keeps the sex life exciting.

9. Create a Shared Sex Life Bucket List

Discuss and create a personal and shared list of sexual desires and experiences you’d like to try, categorizing them by enthusiasm (e.g., A-list, B-list, C-list). This provides a concrete way to explore novelty and communicate desires.

10. View Sexual Development as Skill Learning

Approach your sexual journey like personal development, understanding that you can continuously learn, improve, and increment your skills over time. This mindset encourages openness to new experiences and growth in your intimate life.