Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Have Sex With Them Like When You First Met! I Never Orgasmed Until He Tried This!

Dec 5, 2024 1h 56m 20 insights
Dr. Susan Bratton, a sex specialist, discusses how to transform sex lives by improving communication, embracing diverse pleasure techniques, and healing past traumas. She emphasizes that great sex is co-created through novelty, safety, and a mindful approach to intimacy.
Actionable Insights

1. Redefine Sex Beyond Intercourse

Broaden your understanding of sex to include hot makeouts, body rubbing, words of appreciation, languorous kissing, stroking, oral pleasuring, playing with toys, and sex in new locations, as these activities contribute to a fulfilling sex life.

2. Practice Radical Honesty with Love

Commit to complete honesty with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and feelings, ensuring communication is delivered with kindness and love, not judgment, to build deeper connection.

3. Co-Create Your Sexual Connection

Recognize that a great sexual connection is not found but actively built and rebuilt with your partner, allowing for multiple “renaissances” throughout your relationship.

4. Prioritize Female Arousal

Understand that female arousal takes 20-30 minutes to build due to the diffuse nature of erectile tissue; slow down, engage in extensive foreplay, and focus on non-penetrative pleasuring before intercourse.

5. Implement Erotic Play Dates

Schedule dedicated, no-pressure “play dates” focused on connection, exploration, and fun, rather than a guaranteed intercourse outcome, to rekindle desire and intimacy.

6. Embrace Novelty and Variety

Introduce new experiences, locations, pleasure tools, and fantasies to your sex life to prevent boredom and maintain desire in long-term relationships, as safety plus variety equals desire.

7. Heal Sexual Trauma

Address past sexual trauma through talk therapy, somatic release, and by writing down and processing all past hurts with a therapist who can witness and help you move through it.

8. Take Ownership of Your Sexuality

Shift from a victim mindset to taking personal responsibility for learning about your body, pleasure, and what is possible in your sex life, letting go of external blame.

9. Apply the Platinum Rule in Sex

Treat your partner sexually the way they need to be treated, rather than assuming they desire what you do, to ensure mutual satisfaction.

10. Play the “Three Things I Love” Game

Regularly tell your partner three unique things you love about them, especially before lovemaking, and avoid repeating previous compliments, to foster appreciation and deepen connection.

11. Cultivate Mindful Orgasm

Learn to “sit in sensation” and extend orgasms through mindfulness, light touch, and continuous pleasuring, aiming for expanded or “quantum” orgasms that can last longer.

12. Incorporate Yoni Massages

Give yoni (vulva and internal vaginal area) massages, with or without pleasure tools, to activate tissue, increase blood flow, and enhance female pleasure and sensation, especially on a separate day from intercourse.

13. Utilize Pleasure Tools (Sex Toys)

Reframe sex toys as “tools of pleasure” and introduce them collaboratively with your partner to explore new sensations and types of orgasms, overcoming fear or stereotypes.

14. Enhance Breast and Nipple Play

Use oils and varied techniques to pleasure breasts and nipples, recognizing their potential for significant orgasmic pleasure for women, and experiment to find what feels good.

15. Develop Ejaculatory Choice (for men)

For men experiencing premature ejaculation, practice techniques like the “ME Breath” during masturbation to learn to control and slow down arousal and ejaculation, teaching the body to “gas and brake.”

16. Combat Negative Body Image

Challenge self-judgment about your body, especially for women, by practicing self-love and mindfulness to connect with pleasure despite perceived imperfections, as your partner likely finds you attractive.

17. Consider Ethical Non-Monogamy

If both partners are interested, explore ethical non-monogamy or open relationships, prioritizing radical honesty, clear agreements, and safety protocols to ensure physical and emotional well-being.

18. Practice STI Testing Protocol

For those engaging in multiple partners, maintain a protocol for STI testing with new partners before progressing beyond kissing or hands-on contact to ensure safety and prevent long-term negative effects.

19. Seek Couples Therapy for Communication

If communication about sex or relationship issues is difficult, seek couples therapy to provide a neutral space for honest dialogue and navigation, as it can improve the entire relationship.

20. Maintain Holistic Health for Lifelong Sex

Prioritize physical health through exercise and sleep to enhance sexual stamina and enjoyment, ensuring sex can improve throughout your entire life and enable you to “go the distance.”