Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave!

Jan 30, 2025 2h 37m 27 insights
Paul C. Brunson, the world's most influential matchmaker, debunks common myths about finding and keeping love. He shares insights on increasing relationship satisfaction, managing conflict, and the importance of self-awareness.
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Strong Well-being

Prioritize your individual well-being as it acts as a defense against negative influences and attracts positive relationships. High individual well-being correlates with higher relationship satisfaction.

2. Understand & Earn Secure Attachment

Identify your attachment style (secure, anxious, or avoidant) and actively work towards earning a secure attachment, which is crucial for healthier relationship dynamics.

3. Prioritize Satisfaction Over Longevity

Shift focus from merely the duration of a relationship to its quality and your level of satisfaction, as satisfaction is a key predictor of overall well-being and relationship success.

4. Lower Expectations of Partner

Reduce the burden on your partner to fulfill all your needs by recognizing that no single person can be ’everything,’ leading to higher satisfaction.

5. Define Partnership Needs & Boundaries

Clearly determine what you want from a relationship and assert your boundaries early on to ensure well-intentioned people don’t inadvertently become bullies.

6. Invest Deeply in the Partnership

Consciously put time, effort, and resources into your relationship, as greater investment correlates with higher satisfaction.

7. Maintain Diverse Social Circles

Cultivate a variety of friendships and interests outside your primary relationship to bring novelty, value, and a broader support system into your life.

8. Dedicate Time to Discuss Relationship

Create regular opportunities to talk about the relationship itself, fostering open communication about needs, feelings, and direction.

9. Practice Metacognition for Attachment

Actively observe your thoughts and feelings related to your attachment style, then rationally reframe them to align with your relationship goals, even if it’s tiring.

10. Practice Selective Disclosure

Strategically share information with your partner by considering its relevance, their emotions, boundaries, and the relationship’s future to increase satisfaction and reduce conflict.

11. Allow Cooling-Off Period for Conflict

Instead of forcing immediate resolution, take a break or ‘sleep on it’ after an argument to allow for emotional regulation and more rational decision-making.

12. Seek Understanding, Not Victory, in Conflict

Approach disagreements with the goal of understanding your partner’s perspective rather than trying to win the argument, which fosters higher satisfaction.

13. Apologize Sincerely Using ARC Method

When apologizing, Acknowledge what happened, express Remorse for the emotional impact, and state your Commitment for future behavior to make it effective.

14. Affirm Bids for Attention

Recognize and respond positively to your partner’s attempts to connect, even small ones, to build emotional connection and reassurance.

15. Build Emotional Currency with Small Gestures

Regularly make ‘deposits’ of affection and appreciation (e.g., thoughtful texts, 30-second hugs, 6-second kisses) without expecting immediate sexual returns, to foster responsive desire.

16. Normalize Attraction to Others

Acknowledge that it’s human to experience attraction (emotional, physical, sexual) to people outside your partnership, and normalize these conversations to reduce shame and improve communication.

17. Openly Discuss Sex Life

Engage in honest conversations about sexual desires and satisfaction to address issues like the ‘orgasm gap’ and ensure mutual fulfillment.

18. Use External Content to Start Conversations

If communication is difficult, share relevant podcasts, books, or shows with your partner as a low-stakes way to initiate discussions about relationship topics.

19. Involve Trusted Circle in Partner Selection

Seek 360-degree feedback from close friends, family, and even ex-partners to gain unbiased insights into a potential partner’s character and compatibility.

20. Date Outside Your Usual Sphere

Challenge your dating patterns by exploring new social environments and types of people, which can broaden your network and introduce you to unexpected matches.

21. Seek Partners Focused on Key Traits

Look for partners who prioritize their well-being, are open-minded, and demonstrate resilience, as these qualities are more important than shared values or superficial traits.

22. Re-evaluate Partnership Needs Beyond Pragmatism

Recognize that modern relationships can move beyond purely pragmatic reasons (like survival) and focus on higher-level needs like belonging, connection, and self-evolution.

23. Understand Evolutionary & Societal Influences

Develop awareness of how both genetic predispositions and societal scripts shape your attraction and partner choices, giving you greater autonomy in decision-making.

24. Avoid Rushing into Partnership

Resist the pressure of a ‘biological clock’ or social comparison to enter a relationship, as hasty decisions can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and stress.

25. Seek Professional Help After Infidelity

If infidelity occurs, consider consulting a professional to navigate the complexities of forgiveness and potentially rebuild a stronger relationship.

26. Disclose Pornography/OnlyFans Use

Be transparent with your partner about consumption of pornography or OnlyFans, as concealing it can be considered infidelity by many and damage trust.

27. Avoid Overt Jealousy

Recognize that excessive or overt expressions of jealousy often stem from personal insecurities and can be detrimental to the relationship.