The Divorce Expert: 86% of People Who Divorce Remarry! Why Sex Is Causing Divorces! If They Say This, Do Not Marry Them!

May 20, 2024 2h 20m 15 insights
James Sexton, a top divorce lawyer specializing in high-net-worth clients, reveals common reasons relationships fail, the surprising enforceability of prenups, and the critical importance of proactive communication and appreciation to foster lasting love.
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Impermanence to Deepen Love

Cultivate an awareness of the impermanent nature of all relationships and life. This mindfulness encourages cherishing present moments with loved ones, fostering deeper appreciation and preventing the regret of taking them for granted.

2. Practice Preventative Relationship Maintenance

Regularly perform small, thoughtful gestures of courtesy and appreciation, like leaving notes or giving compliments, to proactively maintain connection and intimacy. This continuous effort helps prevent relationship dissatisfaction and keeps the bond strong.

3. Practice “Hit Send Now” Communication

Address minor relationship issues or concerns promptly and honestly, framing them as an act of love and commitment to the relationship’s health. This approach, done quickly and with care, prevents small problems from escalating.

4. Define Marriage Financial Rules Early

Create a prenuptial agreement to establish clear financial rules (yours, mine, ours) for assets and liabilities before marriage, ensuring both partners understand their economic rights and obligations. This prevents future conflict and provides clarity.

5. View Prenups as Romantic Security

Consider a prenuptial agreement as a romantic gesture that shows you care for your partner’s well-being, even if the relationship ends. It provides clarity and ensures both individuals have what they need to move forward, reducing potential pain and complexity.

6. Discuss Conflict Resolution Proactively

Talk with your partner about how you prefer to handle arguments when you are not currently fighting. This proactive discussion helps establish healthy communication patterns and reduces acrimony during disagreements.

7. Monitor Sexual Intimacy as Barometer

Pay attention to changes in sexual intimacy within your relationship, as it often serves as a critical indicator of overall relationship health. Openly discuss any shifts to address potential underlying dissatisfactions before they lead to bigger problems.

8. Cultivate Personal Interests and Passions

Actively cultivate personal interests and passions outside of your relationship and family roles. This preserves your individual identity and the unique qualities that initially attracted your partner, contributing to a more dynamic and fulfilling partnership.

9. Maintain Financial Transparency

Be completely honest and transparent with your partner about all financial matters, including assets and debts. Hiding financial realities can lead to severe issues, as all financial information is discoverable during legal proceedings.

10. Reject Idealized Relationship Comparisons

Do not compare your relationship to idealized or performative portrayals found in media or social media. These unrealistic comparisons foster dissatisfaction and prevent appreciation for the genuine, imperfect reality of your own partnership.

11. Cease Public Partner Disparagement

Stop the cultural habit of publicly making fun of or disparaging your romantic partner, even in jest. This behavior erodes mutual respect and admiration, which are crucial for a healthy and loving relationship.

12. Avoid Infidelity Clauses

Do not include fidelity clauses in prenuptial or postnuptial agreements. Defining cheating is complex, and the act of infidelity itself already carries significant emotional and social consequences, making additional economic penalties ineffective and problematic.

13. Reject the “Soulmate” Myth

Abandon the concept of a single “soulmate” to avoid unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction in relationships. Recognize your infinite capacity for love and that multiple individuals could bring fulfilling romantic connections throughout your life.

14. Adopt a “Chapters” View of Relationships

Frame relationships as distinct chapters in your life story, each offering valuable lessons and personal growth, even if they don’t last forever. This perspective reframes endings not as failures, but as opportunities for learning and evolving.

15. Critically Assess Marriage’s Purpose

Before getting married, deeply question why you are choosing this path and what specific problems it aims to solve for you and your partner. Avoid marrying solely due to societal expectations, ensuring it aligns with your genuine needs and goals.