The Public Speaking Expert: This Speaking Mistake Makes People Ignore You! These Small Mistakes Make You Unlikeable!

1. Record and Review Communication

To dramatically improve communication, record a five-minute impromptu video of yourself speaking. Review it three ways: auditory (sound only), visual (mute video), and transcribed (text only), to identify non-functional behaviors and auditory clutter like filler words.

2. Master Vocal Melody

Treat your voice as an instrument with different notes and melodies to make your speech more memorable and impactful. Practice the ‘siren technique’ by reading with varying low-to-high pitches to expand your vocal range and evoke emotion in listeners.

3. Vary Your Rate of Speech

Use your rate of speech as an ‘auditory highlight’ by slowing down to emphasize important points and speeding up to convey charisma or less critical information. This creates vocal variety, making your message clearer and more memorable, as a default rate can lead to disengagement.

4. Utilize Volume Strategically

Volume is the ’lifeblood’ of your voice and carries all other vocal foundations. To auditorily highlight a point, you can either increase your volume or go very quiet, as going quiet creates a powerful contrast that draws attention and makes the message more impactful.

5. Incorporate Tonality and Emotion

Add emotion to your voice by actively moving your face, as your face acts as a ‘remote control’ for vocal expression. This allows listeners to ‘feel’ what you’re saying, not just hear it, and helps build deeper connection and understanding.

6. Leverage the Power of Pause

Use pauses to intensify emotion and give listeners time to process your message, especially after a significant point. A pause after anger prolongs anger, and a pause after sadness prolongs sadness, adding weight and profoundness to your words.

7. Practice with Neutral Ears

To make new communication behaviors stick, practice them on ’neutral ears’ – people who have no preconceived ideas of how you sound or communicate. This allows you to experiment with new vocal and body language techniques without fear of judgment, helping you feel normal doing it.

8. Prime Your Partner for Change

When introducing new communication behaviors at home, prime your partner by explaining your intention to give more of yourself and asking for their encouragement and support. This shifts their perception of your changes from ‘fake’ to a shared journey of improvement.

9. Adopt a ‘Yes And’ Mindset

In difficult conversations or when receiving critiques, use the ‘yes and’ technique instead of ‘yes but’ to avoid antagonism. Acknowledge what the other person is saying (‘yes’) and then build upon it positively (‘and’), which prevents friction and keeps the conversation constructive.

10. Play ‘Hilo Buffalo’ to Connect

To spark meaningful conversations and build connection, play the ‘Hilo Buffalo’ game: share a ‘high’ (something going great), a ’low’ (something not so great), and a ‘buffalo’ (something interesting about you). This creates multiple conversational threads and encourages vulnerability.

11. Optimize Zoom Communication

When communicating on Zoom, give more energy, ensure proper camera placement (showing full torso for personal/social space), use three-point lighting, and invest in an external microphone and good Wi-Fi. These elements enhance visual and auditory clarity, making you more engaging and effective online.

12. Use Hand Gestures Effectively

Improve your physical presence by gesturing within the ‘power sphere’ (between your belly button and eyes), avoiding ’t-rexing’ your arms. Learn foundational gestures like ‘placata’ (palms up for openness) and ’leveler’ (palms down for authority) to convey specific messages and avoid a monotone body.

13. Embrace the ‘Luminary’ Mindset

Recognize that life is a stage where you play many roles, and your communication is your instrument. Choose to play ‘songs of love, kindness, and compassion’ to spread goodness and show up as your best self in every interaction, acting as a source of light for others.

14. Prepare for Public Speaking

Before speaking, calm your mind and body with Wim Hof breathing (3 cycles of 30 breaths, hold, deep breath, hold). Perform brisk exercise like push-ups to release adrenaline, preventing non-functional movements like pacing, and shift your mindset to focus on serving the audience.

15. Focus on Articulation, Not Accent

Improve your clarity and perceived intelligence by focusing on articulation and pronunciation, rather than trying to change your accent. Learning the correct mouth movements for the language you’re speaking can significantly enhance how others perceive your communication.

16. Recalibrate Your Life Goals

Every six months, engage in a ‘recalibrate’ process to review and reflect on the past period’s decisions and experiences. Identify what caused negative feelings to avoid repeating them, and what brought positive feelings to do ‘more of’ in the next period, aligning actions with your present self.

17. Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Do not allow external labels or self-imposed limitations to define your potential. Adopt the mindset to ‘be so good they can’t ignore you’ and refuse to acknowledge perceived ceilings, as many limitations are not real and only hold power if you believe in them.

18. Warm Up Your Voice

Before speaking, especially early in the morning or for important calls, warm up your articulators and vocal cords with lip trills (e.g., ‘brrr’ through a favorite song for 2-3 minutes). This ensures your mouth and voice are ready to shape words clearly.

19. Use Storytelling for Impact

Instead of just reporting facts, make your communication more engaging and memorable by ‘reliving’ stories using the VAKS (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Smell) ingredients. Share a hook, struggle, breakthrough, and application to build rapport before delivering tips or advice.

20. Master Small Talk with 3-2-1

To navigate small talk effectively and transition to more meaningful conversation, use the ‘3-2-1’ framework: offer three steps, two types, or one key thing about a topic. This provides a concise and engaging response, allowing you to move beyond superficial exchanges.