The Speaking Expert: How To Speak So Everyone Hears You: Julian Treasure

Sep 22, 2022 1h 42m 25 insights
Julian Treasure, author of "How to Be Heard" and TED Talk speaker, shares insights on mastering speaking and listening. He emphasizes communication as a skill, offering practical techniques for vocal improvement, building confidence, and fostering deeper understanding in relationships and professional settings.
Actionable Insights

1. Define Your Personal Values

Write down your core values to establish a moral compass and clear direction in life, ensuring your actions align with who you truly are rather than societal expectations.

2. Master Active Listening

Practice active listening by first reflecting exactly what the other person said, then validating their perspective (even if you disagree), and only then contributing your own thoughts. This fosters understanding and respect in any conversation.

3. View Communication as Learnable Skills

Recognize that speaking and listening are not just natural capabilities but skills that can be developed and mastered through conscious effort and practice, leading to improved effectiveness and well-being.

4. Practice Deep Diaphragmatic Breathing

Develop a breathing practice, such as resonant breathing (inhaling through the nose, exhaling slowly through the mouth), focusing on breathing from your diaphragm. This improves vocal quality, lung capacity, and helps calm nerves.

5. Prioritize Authenticity

Strive to be your true self in all interactions, as it is easier and more liberating than trying to play a role or character. Authenticity builds trust and prevents mental strain from prolonged inauthenticity.

6. Use Storytelling to Engage

Incorporate captivating stories, metaphors, or personal anecdotes into your presentations and conversations. Stories are highly effective for engaging an audience, making your message memorable, and generating curiosity.

7. Understand Your Audience’s Listening

Before speaking, consider the unique listening context of your audience, whether it’s one person or many. Asking ‘what’s the listening I’m speaking into?’ helps tailor your message for better reception and avoids miscommunication.

8. Apply RASA for Better Listening

Use the RASA acronym (Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask) to guide your listening. Receive by paying attention, appreciate with non-verbal cues, summarize to confirm understanding, and ask questions to deepen the conversation.

9. Build Confidence Through Practice

Overcome fear and build confidence in public speaking by consistently practicing, for example, by joining groups like Toastmasters. Regular exposure to speaking situations makes the process more familiar and less daunting.

10. Temper Honesty with Love

Filter your honesty with love, meaning it’s not always necessary to express every judgment or opinion, especially if it’s unkind or unhelpful. Withholding judgment is not dishonest and can preserve relationships.

11. Cultivate a Habit of Wishing Well

Practice silently wishing well to people you encounter, rather than harboring negative internal monologues. This simple habit can significantly improve your disposition, interactions, and overall sense of well-being.

12. Practice Acceptance and Adaptability

Cultivate acceptance by going with the flow when opportunities arise and not banging your head against a brick wall when things don’t work. Also, accept people as they are, rather than trying to change them.

13. Practice Daily Gratitude

Make a habit of listing things you are grateful for, especially when feeling down. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can shift your perspective and improve your overall happiness.

14. Actively Improve Your Voice

If you have a ‘boring’ or unengaging voice, take action by getting a vocal coach, working on your posture, and practicing prosody (intonation and rhythm) to make your delivery more interesting and effective.

15. Employ Vocal Variety (Prosody)

Consciously vary your intonation, rhythm, and emphasis when speaking to avoid monotony and convey emotion effectively. This makes your speech more engaging and easier for listeners to follow.

16. Embrace Silence, Avoid Verbal Tics

Become comfortable with silence and avoid filling every gap with ‘ums,’ ’errs,’ or other verbal tics. Strategic pauses can add emphasis, improve clarity, and convey confidence.

17. Self-Analyze Your Speaking

Record yourself speaking and listen back critically to identify areas for improvement. This self-coaching approach is crucial for continuous mastery of your communication skills.

18. Optimize Vocal Timbre

If your voice has a quality you dislike (e.g., thin, squeaky), consider working with a vocal coach. Timbre can be improved, allowing you to maximize the richness and warmth of your voice.

19. Seek Explicit Permission to Speak

When addressing powerful figures or in meetings, explicitly ask for permission to speak (e.g., ‘Do you have five minutes?’). This creates an informal contract, obligating the listener and ensuring your message is heard at an appropriate time.

20. Differentiate Opinions from Facts

Clearly distinguish between your opinions and objective facts in conversations. This reduces argumentation and allows for more respectful disagreement, fostering understanding rather than conflict.

21. Avoid Negativity and Invalidation

Audit your language for negative words like ’no,’ ’not,’ or ‘can’t,’ as frequent use can lead to invalidating others. Instead, try to acknowledge their perspective before offering an alternative view respectfully.

22. Allow Others to Express Emotion

Resist the urge to ‘fix’ or suppress others’ emotions like sadness or anger. Allowing people to express their feelings authentically builds trust and prevents damaging long-term relationship issues.

23. Cultivate Listening Curiosity

Approach conversations with genuine curiosity about the other person’s perspective. This, along with compassion, commitment, and consciousness, is fundamental to effective listening and deeper understanding.

24. Seek Out Discomforting Ideas

Actively expose yourself to ideas and perspectives that make you feel uncomfortable. This discomfort can be a signal for reassessment, helping you challenge biases, broaden your understanding, and grow.

25. Master Public Speaking Preparation

For formal talks, clearly define your big idea, the ‘why’ people should care, and the journey you’ll take them on. Rehearse extensively to project confidence and clarity, engaging the audience effectively.