Beat Your Isolation Loneliness
Dr. Laurie Santos speaks with Stanford Professor Jamil Zaki, author of "The War for Kindness," about combating loneliness and maintaining social connections during the coronavirus pandemic. They discuss using technology to recreate in-person interactions and the importance of shared experiences.
Deep Dive Analysis
9 Topic Outline
Introduction to the Coronavirus Crisis and its Impact
Personal Experience with Social Distancing at Yale
The Paradox of Human Behavior During Disasters
The Psychological Impact of Forced Social Distancing
The Healing Power of Social Connection
Leveraging Shared Experience for Connection
Using Technology to Maintain Social Bonds
Scientific Basis for Online Empathy and Connection
The Act of Social Distancing as Kindness
4 Key Concepts
Carnival of Compassion
A term by Rebecca Solnit describing the phenomenon where, during disasters, people often spontaneously help each other, forming strong community bonds and ignoring typical social divisions, contrary to the stereotype of societal breakdown.
Loneliness
A state of social isolation that is psychologically damaging, leading to depression, anxiety, worsened responses to stress, increased inflammation, and poorer cardiovascular health, effectively acting as a 'psychological poison'.
Panic Scrolling
The act of rapidly consuming an overload of anxiety-provoking information, typically from social media feeds, which can increase distress and anxiety rather than providing the desired distraction or connection.
Digital Natives
Individuals, typically from younger generations, who have grown up with digital technology and are inherently comfortable and proficient in using it for various aspects of their lives, including social interaction.
6 Questions Answered
Contrary to the stereotype of people tearing each other apart, disasters like earthquakes or terrorist attacks often lead to a 'carnival of compassion' where people pour out to help strangers, ignoring usual social divisions.
Loneliness is psychologically poisonous, producing depression and anxiety, worsening the body's response to stress, increasing inflammation, and negatively impacting cardiovascular health, potentially shortening one's life.
Social connection acts as a buffer against suffering and anxiety, helping people bounce back more quickly from stressors, experience pain as less severe, and recover more easily from trauma.
Unlike other disasters that foster community, the coronavirus forces people apart for public health, making others seem like a threat and stripping away the possibility of physical comfort and closeness when it's most needed.
Yes, technology like video calls (FaceTime, Zoom) can be intentionally used to recreate in-person interactions, allowing people to 'hang around together' and share experiences, rather than just for work or quick check-ins.
There is scientific evidence that people can find real, deep connections online, particularly in communities like those for rare illnesses, where the internet can provide 'oases of empathy' and anonymity can foster vulnerability.
12 Actionable Insights
1. Reframe Social Distancing
Remember that social distancing is an act of kindness and protection for vulnerable individuals, transforming a solitary action into a shared community effort.
2. Acknowledge Shared Experience
Recognize that many people are experiencing similar feelings of confusion, fear, and loneliness during this time, which can cultivate more social connection by fostering a sense of shared reality.
3. Use Tech for Connection
Intentionally use technology to build social connections by replicating in-person interactions, rather than letting it contribute to feelings of isolation or anxiety.
4. Replicate In-Person Interactions
Use video calls and other technologies to mimic the casual, informal ‘hanging out’ that occurs in person, beyond just formal check-ins, to strengthen bonds.
5. Engage in Shared Online Activities
Actively ‘do nothing together’ online, such as watching a TV show, making the same meal, or drinking wine simultaneously over video calls, to foster a sense of togetherness.
6. Create Virtual Hangout Spaces
Establish dedicated online channels, like a ‘Zoom coffee room,’ for informal breaks and casual social interaction, mirroring physical communal spaces.
7. Facilitate Kids’ Online Playdates
Organize co-activities for children via video calls, such as buying the same coloring books or games to do together, to support their social development during isolation.
8. Lower Online Interaction Expectations
Embrace casualness and informality in online interactions, understanding that conversations don’t always need to be ‘scintillating’ to be meaningful, just like in real life.
9. Be Inclusive in Digital Outreach
Actively involve vulnerable populations, such as older adults who may not be digital natives, in online interactions to combat their increased susceptibility to isolation.
10. Comfort Others, Comfort Self
Offer comfort and support to others, as this act can help you locate a strength and calm within yourself, making it one of the best ways to be comforted.
11. Avoid Panic Scrolling
Refrain from excessive scrolling through social media feeds, as it often leads to an overload of anxiety-provoking information and increases distress.
12. Seek Science-Backed Answers
When feeling confused or fearful, prioritize looking for answers in evidence-based science as the best approach to find clarity and reduce anxiety.
4 Key Quotes
When disasters happen, like earthquakes or terrorist attacks or giant blizzards, people pour out of their homes to help each other. It's what Rebecca Solnit calls a carnival of compassion.
Jamil Zaki
Loneliness is basically psychologically poisonous, right? It produces depression and anxiety. It worsens our response to stress. It increases inflammation, worsens our cardiovascular health.
Jamil Zaki
Oftentimes, comforting someone else is one of the best ways to be comforted yourself because in doing so, you locate a strength and calm that you didn't realize you had for the benefit of somebody else.
Jamil Zaki
So I think that one thing we can do is just remember that even our choice to be alone is something that we're doing together and it's something that we're doing for each other.
Jamil Zaki
1 Protocols
Maintaining Social Connection Digitally During Isolation
Jamil Zaki- Use video call technologies (e.g., FaceTime, Zoom) for live interactions beyond just checking in.
- Engage in shared, informal 'do nothing' activities together online, such as watching a TV show, making the same meal, or having a virtual coffee break.
- Lower expectations for constant scintillating conversation, aiming for the casualness and informality of real-life interactions.
- For children, organize FaceTime playdates with co-activities like coloring the same book or playing the same game.
- Be inclusive in digital interactions, actively bringing in vulnerable people like older adults who may be less familiar with technology.
- Remember that the act of social distancing itself is a collective act of kindness to protect vulnerable community members.