"Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with Lili Taylor)
Actor Lili Taylor discusses how she copes with the emotional intensity and constant travel of her career by turning to birds. She shares how birdwatching helps her find peace, connect with her environment, and manage stress, as detailed in her new book, "Turning to Birds: The Power and Beauty of Noticing."
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Coping with Acting Stress: Character Merging and Travel
Finding Solace in Birds While Filming on Location
Birds as Guides for Connecting with New Environments
Birdwatching as a Transition from Work to Self
Lili Taylor's Sabbatical and the Origin of Her Bird Connection
The Emotional Benefits of Noticing and Awe
Birdwatching as an Alternative to Meditation
Applying Listening Skills from Acting to Birdwatching
Mindfulness Through Actively Noticing New Things
Birdwatching Teaches Resilience and Acceptance
The Value of Atelic Activities Like Birdwatching
Fostering Social Connection Through Birdwatching
Practical Advice for Beginning Birdwatchers
The Merlin App and Underestimating Life's Richness
4 Key Concepts
Awe
Awe is defined as the experience of admiration and elevation in response to physical beauty. While it can make individuals feel small, it ultimately leads to feeling more connected to others and the world, improving overall well-being.
Savoring
Savoring is the intentional act of noticing and appreciating the good things and delights in life. This practice is considered crucial for experiencing a fulfilled and happy life.
Mindfulness (Ellen Langer's perspective)
Mindfulness, as described by Ellen Langer, is the process of actively noticing new things in one's environment. This intentional observation helps to truly ground oneself in the present moment, contrasting with vague instructions to 'be present.'
Atelic Activities
Atelic activities are those undertaken purely for their own sake, without a specific reward-driven goal or extrinsic motivation. Engaging in such activities, like listening to music or birdwatching, helps manage stress and brings a sense of purpose and meaning.
7 Questions Answered
Actors like Lili Taylor find ways to transition back to their own identity after emotionally demanding roles and use practices like birdwatching to ground themselves when traveling to unfamiliar locations.
Birds act as guides, revealing different ecosystems and altitudes, helping individuals gain a deeper sense of place and making foreign locations feel friendlier by providing a connection to the local environment.
Awe, defined as admiration and elevation in response to physical beauty, can make individuals feel small but ultimately more connected to others and the world, leading to improved well-being and a sense of transcendence.
Instead of vague 'being present,' one can actively notice new things in their environment, such as a bird's song or plumage, to intentionally ground themselves in the present moment and regulate emotions.
Atelic activities are done purely for their own sake, without external rewards or goals, helping manage stress, combat hustle culture, and bringing a sense of purpose and meaning to life by allowing one to simply 'be' and enjoy.
Birdwatching can create shared moments of observation and connection with strangers, such as discussing a woodpecker sighting, fostering a sense of community and shared interest in an otherwise anonymous setting.
Begin by stepping outside and observing what's in your neighborhood, staying in one place for a few minutes, listening for sounds, and considering using apps like Merlin or putting out a bird feeder to attract local birds.
34 Actionable Insights
1. Take Sabbatical for Burnout
If you are feeling depleted, exhausted, and uninspired by your work, consider taking a sabbatical to create a quiet space for healing and reconnecting with yourself.
2. Engage in Atelic Activities
Regularly engage in activities that are not reward-driven (atelic), such as listening to music or birdwatching, purely for enjoyment, as they help manage stress and bring purpose and meaning.
3. Prioritize Experiencing Awe
Actively seek out and prioritize experiences of awe, even in mundane places, as it can evoke deep emotions, make you feel connected, and ultimately improve well-being.
4. Practice Mindfulness by Noticing
To ground yourself in the present moment and manage stress, intentionally and actively notice new details about your environment.
5. Find External Focus for Mindfulness
If traditional meditation makes internal thoughts ’louder,’ find an external activity, like birdwatching, that allows you to focus on something outside yourself and connect to something greater, serving as an alternative form of mindfulness.
6. Practice “Listening as a Verb”
Instead of vaguely trying to ‘be present,’ actively practice ’listening as a verb’ by fully taking in and being open to what others are saying or what is happening around you, which can be a more concrete way to feel grounded.
7. Cultivate Self-Compassion in Practice
When practicing skills like listening or mindfulness, be compassionate with yourself, recognizing that perfect execution is unrealistic, and view it as a skill that improves with practice rather than a pass/fail endeavor.
8. Gently Re-engage When Distracted
When you find yourself ‘falling out of the moment’ or getting distracted, gently guide yourself back to the present task or observation (e.g., ‘Just look at the bird’) rather than self-criticizing, as this is a more constructive approach.
9. Separate from Character After Work
After merging with a difficult character all day, consciously leave the character behind at the end of the day and return to your own identity to transition back to yourself after emotionally draining work.
10. Use Birds for Emotional Transition
After an emotionally draining day, sit and watch birds to relax and transition back to your true self, similar to how an ‘afternoon martini’ was used in the past to leave the job.
11. Create Bird Habitats in New Places
To make a strange or foreign place feel like home and less overwhelming, set up bird feeders, birdhouses, and water trays to attract birds, creating a sense of connection and making the environment feel friendlier.
12. Connect with Local Birds as Guides
When in a new place, observe local birds as they can act as guides, providing a sense of connection to the environment and helping you understand the local ecosystems and geography.
13. Learn Environment Through Local Birds
Get to know the birds in a new location to understand the environment better, which can make a lonely place feel friendlier and more meaningful by revealing hidden habitats and natural features.
14. Seek Quiet to Notice Details
When feeling burned out, intentionally quiet your surroundings to create space to notice subtle details and sounds you might have previously overlooked, leading to deeper insights and connections.
15. Practice “Reaching Towards” Attention
View attention as ‘reaching towards’ something, actively engaging with it, rather than a passive state, to foster deeper observation and connection.
16. Observe Nature to Spark Curiosity
Watch and observe natural elements like birds to generate questions and lead to further exploration, fostering a sense of wonder and engagement.
17. Embrace Receptivity to Emotions
When faced with frightening or overwhelming emotions, ‘plant your feet’ and allow yourself to be open and receptive to them, understanding that they can wash over you without causing lasting harm.
18. Use Savoring as Presence Barometer
Actively ask yourself ‘Am I savoring right now?’ to slow down and check if you are truly present and appreciating the moment, especially if you tend to move fast to avoid internal feelings.
19. Emulate Birds’ Forward Momentum
Observe birds’ continuous forward movement and apply this mindset to your internal state, striving to move forward in your mind rather than stagnating or resenting.
20. Draw Inspiration from Birds’ Resilience
When facing obstacles, observe the resilience of migrating birds who keep moving forward despite challenges, and use their example to inspire yourself to ‘keep going’ and avoid fretting.
21. Surrender, Start with Small Steps
When feeling overwhelmed or defeated in a task, surrender the need for immediate success and break it down into small, manageable steps, such as identifying immediate surroundings to re-orient yourself.
22. Maintain Open, Loose Focus
When searching or observing, maintain an open, loose, and focused mindset, allowing for flexibility and preventing ‘myopia’ (tunnel vision) to increase receptivity to new discoveries.
23. Extend Observation Beyond Discovery
Once you’ve achieved an initial goal or discovery, resist the urge to immediately disengage; instead, extend your observation to learn more deeply about what you’ve found.
24. Recognize Fleeting Nature of Emotions
Understand that both positive and negative experiences and emotions are fleeting, which can help you soften into discomfort and appreciate good moments more fully.
25. Pursue Activities Without Goals
Choose activities, like birding, that allow you to enjoy them purely for their own sake without needing a goal, results, or external rewards, to counteract a results-driven mindset.
26. Appreciate Beauty Without Reason
Allow yourself to appreciate things purely for their beauty without feeling the need to justify it with a reason or purpose.
27. Prioritize Social Connection
Recognize that social connection is a key ingredient for happiness and actively seek opportunities to connect with others.
28. Create Community Through Nature
Foster social connections by creating inviting spaces for nature (e.g., bird feeders) in shared environments, as this can naturally bring people together and facilitate shared moments of appreciation.
29. Begin Birding by Observing
To start birdwatching, simply step outside, observe your neighborhood, stay in one spot for a few minutes, and if you hear or see something, try to follow it for a few extra minutes, pushing past the initial urge to stop.
30. Observe Birds from Your Window
Regularly look out your window to observe the birds in your immediate vicinity, treating them like neighbors to get to know them better.
31. Install a Bird Feeder
If you enjoy initial bird observations, put out a bird feeder to attract more birds to your space and encourage repeated sightings.
32. Use the Merlin App
Download and use the Merlin app (Shazam for birds) to identify bird calls and songs, which can reveal the rich bird life around you and enhance your listening skills.
33. Actively Use Senses to Locate
After using an app like Merlin to identify a bird sound, actively use your senses (sight, hearing) to locate the bird in the trees or environment, engaging more deeply with your surroundings.
34. Invest in Birding Tools
If you develop a passion for birding, acquire a pair of binoculars and a Sibley guide to enhance your ability to identify birds and learn about their behavior.
8 Key Quotes
Part of my job is that I merge with a character. Like, maybe I'd been working with the character all day and we'd been in a really difficult situation, so we'd been crying all day. And then the day ends, I need to leave her there. And then I have to return back to me.
Lili Taylor
What I've realized about birds is, first of all, they're everywhere. So I really have a friend anywhere I go.
Lili Taylor
It's like planting your feet and just saying, I'll stick this through, this thunder, this frightening, whatever it is. It's almost like you're open, and then things can come in.
Lili Taylor
I'm focusing on something that's not me. I'm focusing on something that's a part of something greater that I'm a part of too.
Lili Taylor
Listening, like I know when I'm listening and I know when I'm not, like there's somewhere to start with listening.
Lili Taylor
Birding has a lot of falling down and getting back up. A lot of trying too hard, willing, jumping the gun. And so instead of yelling at myself, just being gentler.
Lili Taylor
I can just love it for the beauty. I don't have to have a reason. It can just be beautiful.
Lili Taylor
I seem to think there's less around, less meaning, less stuff than there is. And what that Merlin app does is it confirms there's a lot going on and a lot to look forward to and a lot to be open to more than I seem to think.
Lili Taylor
3 Protocols
Creating an Inviting Bird Habitat
Lili Taylor- Buy a birdhouse.
- Buy a bird feeder.
- Buy a water tray.
- Buy a hummingbird feeder.
Lili Taylor's Method for Finding a Catbird (and practicing receptivity)
Lili Taylor- Surrender to discomfort, defeat, and overwhelm.
- Start with manageable steps, like identifying your current location and surroundings (e.g., 'I'm in front of a green thing').
- Use an app (like iNaturalist) to identify plants or features (e.g., 'It's called Viburnum. The catbird likes Viburnum.').
- Keep walking, staying open, focused, and loose, allowing for moments of myopia and then loosening up again.
- Once the bird is found, stay with it and continue observing, rather than immediately disengaging.
Getting Started with Birdwatching
Lili Taylor- Step outside and observe what's in your neighborhood.
- Stay in one place for a few minutes to see if anything happens.
- If you hear something, walk towards it and try to see it.
- If you see a bird, follow it for a couple of extra minutes.
- Look out your window often to get to know your bird neighbors.
- Put out a bird feeder.
- Get the Merlin app (Shazam for birds) to identify sounds.
- If you really start to love it, get a pair of binoculars and the Sibley guide.