Fighting that "Meh" Feeling of Languishing
Psychologist Adam Grant discusses "languishing," a state of emptiness and stagnation between depression and flourishing, which many experienced during the pandemic. He explains its consequences and offers strategies to overcome it, emphasizing the importance of finding "flow" through activities that provide mastery, mindfulness, and mattering.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Introduction to Languishing: The 'Meh' Feeling
Adam Grant's Personal Struggle with Languishing
Languishing vs. Depression: Key Distinctions
Languishing vs. Burnout: Key Distinctions
Defining Languishing: Emptiness and Stagnation
Consequences of Languishing on Productivity and Mental Health
The Viral Impact of the Languishing Article
Alternative Perspective: 'Dormant' vs. Languishing
The Power of Naming Emotions to Overcome Them
Toxic Positivity as a Barrier to Acknowledging Languishing
Adam Grant's Solution: The Mario Kart Experience
Understanding Flow States for Well-being
Distinguishing 'Good Flow' from 'Junk Flow'
Mastery: Achieving Small Wins and Just Manageable Difficulties
Mindfulness: Concentrating and Avoiding Time Confetti
Mattering: Finding Purpose Through Helping Others
Applying Languishing Strategies for Future Challenges
7 Key Concepts
Languishing
An emotional state in the middle of the emotional spectrum, between depression and flourishing, characterized by a sense of emptiness, stagnation, aimlessness, and joylessness, often described as feeling 'meh' or 'blah.' It's not the presence of mental illness, but the absence of mental health.
Burnout
Psychologists define burnout primarily as emotional exhaustion, a feeling of being so drained by one's job that they literally have nothing left to give. It is typically job-related and distinct from a general state of depletion.
Dormant
An alternative concept to languishing, suggesting that during difficult times, it's natural to be in a quiet, still state, like a plant in winter, where internal things are happening, rather than feeling pressure to flourish or thrive.
Toxic Positivity
The pressure to be optimistic, upbeat, and enthusiastic at all times, no matter what's going on in one's life. This societal expectation can make it difficult for people to honestly express feelings like languishing without feeling judged.
Flow State
A state of total absorption in an activity where one becomes so immersed that they lose track of all surroundings, time, and sometimes even themselves. It provides an understanding of what one loves about seemingly unrelated passions.
Just Manageable Difficulties
A poignant set of challenges that are slightly beyond one's current comfort zone but still achievable. These challenges give a sense of confidence, reinforce the ability to overcome obstacles, and provide a feeling of mastery through small wins.
Time Confetti
A term describing how meaningful blocks of time are sliced into tiny, unusable pieces by frequent distractions like checking email or phones every few minutes. This fragmentation prevents deep focus and leads to a loss of entire hours and days.
12 Questions Answered
Languishing is a middling, listless emotional state, often described as feeling 'meh,' 'blah,' or 'eh,' characterized by emptiness, stagnation, aimlessness, and joylessness, representing the absence of mental health rather than the presence of mental illness.
Unlike depression, people experiencing languishing still have plenty of hope and can remain active and productive, though often below their normal levels, whereas depression involves a significant loss of hope and activity.
Burnout is primarily defined as emotional exhaustion, often job-related, where one feels completely drained. Languishing, however, is not necessarily job-related and does not typically involve feeling depleted or exhausted, though sleep patterns may be affected.
People who are languishing are about three times more likely to cut back on work, become more distracted, and have trouble focusing. It also puts them at a greater risk of developing depression or anxiety in the future, as they tend to sit with the feeling rather than taking action.
Languishing is more invisible because it's an absence of strong emotion rather than an intense feeling, and it lacks the urgency or intensity associated with more serious mental challenges like depression or anxiety.
Naming an emotion, like 'languishing,' can give people power over it, allowing them to process the experience differently, realize they've felt similar states before, and draw on past resilience to make choices about how to respond.
Toxic positivity is the societal pressure to always be optimistic, upbeat, and enthusiastic, which makes it difficult for people to honestly express feelings like languishing without feeling judged or inadequate.
Good flow, which helps build you up rather than drag you down, involves three features: mastery (feeling competent through small wins), mindfulness (being present and focused on a single task), and mattering (feeling that you make a difference to others).
Mastery can be achieved through 'small wins' or 'just manageable difficulties' – challenges that are slightly difficult but achievable, providing a sense of progress and competence without requiring extensive effort.
Cultivating mindfulness involves focusing all attention on a single task, avoiding multitasking, and carving out dedicated blocks of time for 'deep work' or 'deep fun' to prevent time from being fragmented into 'time confetti.'
Mattering, the feeling that one counts and makes a difference to others, provides a sense of meaning and purpose that can be missing during languishing. Even small acts of kindness or contributions can provide a significant psychological boost.
If you are languishing, find someone else you know who is also languishing and offer them suggestions on how to overcome it, as you will likely find that the advice you give to others is the advice you need to take for yourself.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Label Emotions to Tame
Label your emotions (e.g., ‘I’m afraid’ or ‘I’m languishing’) to gain power over them and make conscious choices about how to respond. This shifts how you process the experience and enables you to take action.
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Practice self-compassion when experiencing difficult emotional states like languishing by recognizing that ’there’s nothing wrong with me; there’s something wrong in my circumstances.’ This helps normalize the experience and builds confidence for future challenges.
3. Find Your “Mario Kart”
Identify your personal ‘Mario Kart’ – an activity or project that provides flow, involves people you care about, and offers a sense of mastery, mindfulness, and mattering. This personalized approach helps combat languishing effectively.
4. Prioritize “Good Flow” Activities
Choose flow activities that are ‘good flow’ (build you up) rather than ‘junk flow’ (leave you feeling gross or drained, like binge-watching certain shows). This ensures the activity genuinely contributes to your well-being.
5. Pursue Mastery for Momentum
To combat languishing (stagnation), seek activities that provide a sense of mastery, where you feel competent, have gotten better at something, or accomplished a task. This creates a feeling of forward movement and momentum.
6. Celebrate Small Wins
Focus on achieving ‘small wins’ rather than only grand triumphs to experience mastery. These little jolts of accomplishment provide a sense of capability and progress, which is crucial for escaping languishing.
7. Embrace Manageable Difficulties
Seek out ‘just manageable difficulties’ – challenges that are within your current capabilities but still require effort. These build confidence in overcoming obstacles and reinforce that you won’t necessarily be stopped by them.
8. Practice Single-Task Mindfulness
Practice mindfulness by focusing all your attention on a single task or activity, avoiding multitasking. This deep concentration is essential for achieving mastery and flow, as humans are serial processors.
9. Block Time for Deep Focus
Block out dedicated time in your schedule to concentrate on a single activity, whether it’s ‘deep work’ or ‘deep fun.’ This prevents ’time confetti’ (slicing time into tiny, unproductive chunks) and allows for true engagement and flow.
10. Cultivate a Sense of Mattering
Cultivate a sense of ‘mattering’ by finding ways to contribute and make a difference to others, even in small ways. This provides meaning and purpose, which can combat the aimlessness of languishing.
11. Perform Small Acts of Kindness
Perform ‘five-minute favors’ or small acts of kindness, such as sharing knowledge, giving feedback, or making introductions. These small efforts have a big positive impact on your mood and reinforce a sense of mattering.
12. Plan Proactive Helping
Proactively plan opportunities to help others, especially when spontaneous interactions are limited. This ensures you consistently experience the psychological boost and sense of mattering that comes from contributing.
13. Advise Others to Help Self
If you are languishing, find someone else who is also languishing and offer them suggestions on how to overcome it. You will likely find that the advice you give to others is the advice you need to take for yourself.
14. Learn from Past Resilience
If you recognize you’re languishing, reflect on past instances where you felt similarly and recall the choices or behaviors that helped you overcome it. This leverages your own resilience and past wisdom to find solutions.
15. Allow Honest Emotional Expression
Give yourself permission to honestly express feelings of languishing (e.g., ‘I’m kind of eh’) rather than succumbing to ’toxic positivity’ and feeling pressured to always be upbeat. This promotes authenticity and self-acceptance.
16. Move Your Body Proactively
When languishing, proactively engage in physical activity like yoga or other movements that you know will help improve your state. This is a direct action to combat the feeling of being stuck.
17. Pre-plan TV Watching
To avoid wasting time on TV, only turn it on if you already know what you want to watch. This prevents getting sucked into mindless viewing and helps manage your time effectively.
18. Limit Social Media Scrolling
Avoid mindlessly scrolling on social media unless there’s absolutely nothing else you could be doing (e.g., waiting for a plane). This helps prevent getting sucked into unproductive time.
19. No Phone in Bed
Do not pick up your phone in bed to ensure you get adequate rest. This prevents late-night distractions that disrupt sleep patterns and energy levels.
6 Key Quotes
I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
Adam Grant
If you wanted to predict who's going to be depressed or anxious in the next decade, it is not the people who are depressed and anxious today. It's actually the people who are languishing right now who are at the greatest risk.
Adam Grant
When I hear psychologists say, name it to tame it, I think maybe something similar happened with languishing.
Adam Grant
It is ridiculous to expect that when the world is standing still, that I'm going to flourish.
Adam Grant
Computers are designed to do that. Computers are great at parallel processing. Last time I checked, humans are serial processors. We can only focus on one thing at a time.
Adam Grant
The point was, think about what is your version of Mario Kart, right? What's the activity, the project where you have flow with people you love or care about and where you get that sense of mastery, mindfulness and mattering.
Adam Grant