How to Fail at Work
This episode features Dan Harris, former news anchor and 10% Happier founder, and Dr. Laurie Santos discussing how to reframe and learn from career failures. They share personal stories of panic attacks and burnout, offering strategies for resilience and growth.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Dan Harris's On-Air Panic Attack in 2004
Panic Attack's Aftermath and Path to Meditation
Dan Harris's 'Career Earthquake' and App Separation
Identity Crisis and Health Toll from Business Failure
Reframing Failure: Experimentation vs. Perfectionism
Growth Mindset and Affective Forecasting in Failure
Dr. Laurie Santos's Experience with Burnout
Overcoming Burnout: Self-Talk and Self-Compassion
Embracing Negative Emotions: 'It's Okay' Mantra
Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion
Ancestral Roots of Financial Fear and Self-Talk
Radical Optimism: Progress Embedded in Failure
'Move Fast and Break Things' Ethos for Learning
Making Failure a Team Sport for Resilience
7 Key Concepts
Affective Forecasting
This refers to our ability to predict how bad a negative event will actually be. The episode explains that people are generally poor at this, often overestimating the negative impact, because our minds possess mechanisms to cope and make situations better than initially anticipated.
Growth Mindset
A belief that one's abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, rather than being fixed. This mindset encourages risk-taking and views failure as a valuable learning opportunity, not a sign of inherent unworthiness or incapability.
Burnout
A state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion resulting from prolonged or excessive stress, particularly in the workplace. It is characterized by emotional exhaustion, a sense of personal ineffectiveness, and depersonalization (cynicism).
Depersonalization (Burnout)
A specific, insidious symptom of burnout characterized by cynicism, where an individual views colleagues and people they care about with irritation, and may even perceive their intentions as negative or burdensome. This can lead to a lack of compassion and increased frustration.
Self-Compassion
The practice of treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and non-judgment, especially during moments of suffering, perceived failure, or inadequacy, similar to how one would treat a good friend. Research suggests it significantly enhances effectiveness, performance, and resilience.
Anger as a Secondary Emotion
The concept that anger often serves as a protective layer, masking deeper, more vulnerable emotions such as fear, sadness, or shame. By sitting with the discomfort of anger, one can often uncover these underlying feelings, leading to a more profound understanding and potential resolution.
Radical Optimism
An evidence-based, reality-grounded belief that progress is inherently embedded within failure, provided one is willing to learn from the experience. It acknowledges that even if a project or endeavor doesn't succeed as intended, valuable lessons are gained that contribute to future growth and success.
11 Questions Answered
Dan Harris's panic attack was linked to ambient drug use (cocaine) after spending time in war zones, which altered his brain chemistry and made him more susceptible to panic attacks, exacerbated by pre-existing stage fright.
The separation from the company caused significant mental and physical health tolls, including anger, fear, frustration, sleep loss, and a resurgence of panic attacks, particularly impacting his identity after retiring from ABC News.
The rise of perfectionism, fueled by social media's pressure to present a curated, perfect self, makes people unwilling to take risks because they fear failure and constant comparison to others' seemingly perfect lives.
Adding 'yet' reframes a perceived failure as an ongoing process, suggesting that success hasn't clicked *yet* and implies there's still time and opportunity for things to work out, fostering a growth mindset.
Burnout typically involves emotional exhaustion, a sense of personal ineffectiveness (feeling inadequate even when performing well), and depersonalization (cynicism towards colleagues and work).
Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding as a good friend, which can lead to greater effectiveness, improved performance, and enhanced resilience in challenging situations.
Using one's own name or a familiar term (like 'dude') when addressing oneself, and adopting an 'inner coach' rather than an 'inner drill sergeant' approach, can foster a dry-eyed, clear-eyed but warm self-appraisal.
A useful technique is to tell oneself, 'It's okay,' meaning it's okay to feel the emotion, and that one can handle it. This allows the emotion to naturally come and go, preventing it from being prolonged or acted upon impulsively.
Anger is frequently a secondary emotion, often covering up deeper feelings such as fear. Recognizing this can help in addressing the root cause rather than remaining stuck in anger.
Radical optimism is a reality-based belief that progress is embedded within failure, provided one is willing to learn from the experience. It acknowledges that even if a project doesn't succeed, valuable lessons are gained for future endeavors.
Making it a 'team sport' by having people one can talk to about their failures and struggles helps in processing and learning from the experience, fostering resilience.
15 Actionable Insights
1. Reframe Failure as Experimentation
Reframe ‘failure’ as ’experimentation’ to overcome perfectionism, be willing to take risks, and learn from outcomes without shame. This allows for growth and learning from every experience.
2. Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Adopt a growth mindset by adding the word ‘yet’ to statements about things not working out. This reframes setbacks as temporary, allowing for future success and continuous learning.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself like a good friend rather than an inner drill sergeant, using an ‘inner coach’ mindset. This approach makes you more effective, improves performance, and leads to better health outcomes in the face of conflict.
4. Allow Negative Emotions
Allow and sit with negative emotions instead of pushing them away, using slogans like ‘It’s okay’ or ‘Let it be.’ This counterintuitive skill helps you weather internal storms without being owned by them, leading to better decisions.
5. Embrace Radical Optimism
Adopt radical optimism, believing that progress is embedded in failure if you are willing to learn from it. This evidence-based approach acknowledges that even if a project doesn’t work, you will have learned for the next endeavor.
6. Identify Underlying Emotions
When experiencing strong emotions like anger, sit with them to identify the underlying true emotion, such as fear. Anger is often a secondary emotion, and understanding what’s truly going on is crucial for resolution.
7. Make Failure a Team Sport
Navigate failure successfully by making it a ’team sport’ and having people you can talk to about your experiences. This provides support and perspective, aiding in processing setbacks.
8. Take Responsibility for Failures
Take responsibility for your failures, acknowledging your part in difficult situations. This approach is crucial for processing events and moving forward effectively.
9. Distance from Unhelpful Beliefs
Use distancing strategies, such as referring to unhelpful fears as ‘ancestral beliefs’ or using your own name in self-talk. This helps you see beliefs as separate from objective truth, allowing you to choose whether they serve you.
10. Prioritize Core Well-being
Focus on fundamental well-being practices like engaging in social connection, exercising, and prioritizing sleep. These behavioral changes are essential for combating burnout and building resilience.
11. Seek Professional Therapy
Engage in therapy to address underlying mental health issues or significant life challenges. Professional guidance can help diagnose problems and provide strategies for long-term well-being.
12. Eliminate Harmful Habits
Quit harmful habits, such as drug use, especially if they are impacting your mental or physical health. Such habits can alter brain chemistry and make you more susceptible to issues like panic attacks.
13. Share Personal Flaws Openly
Be open about your personal flaws and imperfections. This practice helps to normalize other people’s struggles and fosters a sense of ‘cathartic normalization’.
14. Recognize Affective Forecasting Error
Understand that bad events are rarely as bad as you predict them to be, due to your mind’s coping mechanisms. This awareness can reduce the fear of failure and help you realize you’ll likely be okay.
15. Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Avoid self-criticism and self-pity when you experience setbacks or failures. It’s hard to ‘fail fast’ and pivot quickly if you are stuck in a cycle of self-blame and negative self-talk.
8 Key Quotes
My career has been a triumph of narcissism over fear.
Dan Harris
Perfectionism is really on the rise. And it is such an insidious thing. People are unwilling to take risks because they don't want to fail.
Dan Harris
There's a difference between humiliation and humility. You can be humbled in a good way in that you've learned something about yourself and about the world as opposed to humiliation, which kind of coils you up in thoughts about yourself where you're stuck in shame.
Dan Harris
Just putting that word yet at the end just completely reframes the way you're thinking, right? Because it's not like, well, I've screwed up, you know, everything's over, I'm dead. And it's like, oh, it just hasn't clicked yet.
Dr. Laurie Santos
If you can learn to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend, you know, it can make you much more effective.
Dan Harris
The impulse is just the organism trying to protect itself.
Dan Harris
Failure... is embedded in failure is progress if you are willing to learn from it.
Dan Harris
It's hard to fail fast if you're in the fetal position crying about what a loser you are.
Dr. Laurie Santos