How to Find Your Purpose
Hospice physician, personal finance podcaster, and author Jordan Grumet discusses how to find authentic "little P purpose" in everyday actions, rather than chasing grand, often unattainable "big P purpose." He shares tips to identify what truly lights you up, avoid purpose mirages, and build a fulfilling life.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Introduction to Purpose and Jordan Grumet's Background
Early Life Trauma and Misguided Pursuit of Purpose in Medicine
Experiencing Burnout and the Realization of Misaligned Purpose
Discovery of Financial Independence and Identity Crisis
The Art of Subtraction: Transitioning to Hospice Work and Podcasting
Lessons from Hospice Patients: Regrets as Purpose Anchors
Defining Purpose as Action and its Psychological Benefits
Distinguishing Big P Purpose from Little P Purpose
The Story of Roman: An Example of Little P Purpose and its Impact
Tip 1: Avoiding Purpose Mirages
Tip 2: Finding Purpose Internally, Not Externally
Tip 3: Noticing the Process and Identifying Purpose Anchors
Tip 4: Conducting a Life Review
Tip 5: Reconnecting with Childhood Passions
Tip 6: The Spaghetti Method for Discovering Purpose
Tip 7: Embracing the Art of Subtraction
Jordan's Personal Transformation and the Role of Autonomy
Addressing Barriers to Purpose: Time and Money
8 Key Concepts
Burnout
A state characterized by 'Sunday scaries,' waking up stressed instead of energized, and a lack of optimism or joy in daily activities, often resulting from doing things one doesn't love or enjoy.
Financial Independence
The concept of having enough money so that one doesn't have to spend their days doing things they don't want to do, freeing them from the necessity of a paycheck for unfulfilling work.
Purpose Anxiety
The frustration, depression, and anxiety that people experience when trying to find their purpose, often stemming from a misunderstanding of purpose as a high-stakes, elusive 'why' rather than actionable steps.
Big P Purpose
A goal-oriented, audacious, and often externally-defined purpose (e.g., becoming a billionaire, curing a disease) that is difficult to achieve and may not bring lasting fulfillment even if successful, leading to an 'all or nothing' outcome.
Little P Purpose
A process-oriented approach to purpose focused on doing things that light you up, regardless of a grand goal. It is abundant, impossible to fail, and centers on immediate joy and engagement in activities.
Purpose Mirages
Big P purpose that falsely appears beneficial, such as specific net worth targets or career achievements, which people convince themselves will bring happiness upon reaching, even if the process of getting there is unenjoyable.
Purpose Anchors
Inklings or beckonings of things that cause immediate joy and light you up, serving as starting points around which one can actively build a life of purpose. They don't require external explanation or justification.
Flow State
A mental state where one is so completely engrossed in an activity that they lose track of time and are fully present, often experienced by children when playing and enjoying the moment.
6 Questions Answered
Purpose is defined as the actions we take in the present and future that light us up. It's a simple, straightforward concept focused on action rather than a grand 'why'.
Studies show that having a purpose in life leads to increased health, longevity, and happiness, acting like a 'pill' that could extend life by 10-20% and improve well-being.
Purpose anxiety arises because people often misunderstand purpose as a high-stakes, big 'why' that is difficult to find, leading to frustration, depression, and anxiety when they fail to achieve audacious, often externally-imposed goals.
Big P purpose is goal-oriented and 'all or nothing,' often leading to burnout or unfulfillment, while little P purpose is process-oriented and 'all or all,' focusing on abundant, joyful activities that are impossible to fail at.
Purpose anchors can be identified by reflecting on the regrets of the dying, recalling the joys of childhood, noticing what keeps you up at night with excitement, or observing what friends and family say lights you up.
While time and money are often cited as barriers, studies suggest most Americans have about five hours of free time daily. Money is a tool, but so are passions, youth, energy, connections, skills, and communities, which can be leveraged to add purpose through 'joy of addition' or create economic margin to subtract unloved activities.
17 Actionable Insights
1. Purpose as Joyful Action
Reframe your understanding of purpose from a grand ‘why’ to ‘actions you take in the present and future that light us up,’ making it more achievable and less anxiety-inducing.
2. Embrace Process-Oriented Purpose
Prioritize ’little P purpose’ by engaging in process-oriented activities that light you up, rather than chasing ‘big P purpose’ which is goal-oriented, high-stakes, and often leads to burnout or dissatisfaction even upon achievement.
3. Cultivate Internal Purpose
Disconnect from external definitions of purpose imposed by society, marketing, or family, and instead connect with your own inner ‘purpose anchors’ – the inklings and beckonings of things that genuinely light you up.
4. Beware Purpose Mirages
Be wary of ‘purpose mirages’ like specific net worth figures, career achievements, or social media metrics, as these external goals often don’t light you up and can lead to dissatisfaction even if achieved.
5. Transform Regrets into Purpose
Consider what you would regret not having done if you had only a short time left to live, and use these insights as ‘purpose anchors’ to build a life around what truly matters to you now.
6. Practice the Art of Subtraction
Systematically remove aspects of your job or life that you dislike or find unfulfilling (e.g., specific tasks, roles, work hours) to create space for more purposeful activities.
7. Regularly Review Your Life
Conduct a ’life review’ by asking yourself structured questions about your life’s important moments, triumphs, failures, meaningful relationships, and especially your regrets, to gain peace and identify purpose anchors.
8. Analyze Childhood Room Clues
Physically or mentally revisit your childhood bedroom to observe what decorated it (posters, trophies, drawings, books), as these items often reveal early, unco-opted interests and passions that can serve as purpose anchors.
9. Continuously Optimize Your Calendar
Regularly review your calendar and actively work to fill it with more ’little P purpose’ activities you love and remove things you loathe, as time is finite and this continuous improvement leads to winning the ‘game of life.’
10. Achieve Financial Independence
Understand the concept of financial independence, which means having enough money to avoid doing things you dislike solely for a paycheck, allowing you to pursue more fulfilling activities.
11. Identify Burnout Signs
Pay attention to feelings like the ‘Sunday scaries’ or waking up stressed rather than energized, as these are indicators of burnout, suggesting you’re doing things you don’t love.
12. Incorporate Joyful Hobbies
If your main work isn’t fulfilling, try to fit in activities you love, such as writing or public speaking, during your free time (e.g., lunch hours, evenings) to bring more joy into your life.
13. Maximize Loved Work Tasks
Once you’ve identified the parts of your job you love, actively seek ways to increase the time you spend on those tasks and decrease time on unloved ones, even if it means restructuring your role or responsibilities.
14. Employ the “Spaghetti Method”
If you’re struggling to find purpose anchors, use the ‘spaghetti method’ by saying yes to new experiences, talking to different people, and trying things that might make you anxious, then evaluate if they light you up.
15. Leverage All Personal Resources
Recognize that beyond time and money, you possess other valuable ’levers’ like your passions, youth, energy, connections, skills, and communities, which can all be used to bring purpose into your life.
16. Initiate Purpose with Small Steps
Begin by dedicating even a small amount of time (e.g., 15 minutes) to a joyful activity, as starting builds momentum and autonomy, making it easier to add more purpose over time.
17. Expand Your Purpose Gradually
Understand that by trying out small purposeful activities, you’ll feel more energized, gain more community, and discover more opportunities, effectively ‘growing your purpose pie’ over time.
6 Key Quotes
I told myself that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough. I didn't do things well enough. I wasn't lovable enough. And so at some point, I developed the narrative in my own head that I could cosmically fix the world if I became a doctor like him.
Jordan Grumet
I always say this, you don't find purpose. Everyone's like, I'm waiting for it. It's either going to fall on my head. It's going to be successful and happy and the world's going to be great, or I'm going to miss it and everything's going to be horrible. The truth of the matter is we have these whisperings, but then we have to do the hard work, which is building a life of purpose around it.
Jordan Grumet
Purpose are the actions we take in the present and future that light us up. That's it. Simple, straightforward.
Jordan Grumet
Big P purpose is all or nothing. You either succeed in this really big audacious thing or you don't. Little P purpose is all or all.
Jordan Grumet
Time passes no matter what you do. It can't be commoditized. You can't buy it. You can't sell it. You can't trade it. The only thing you can do is control what activities you're involved with as time passes.
Jordan Grumet
I think it's easy to say this is an argument of privilege but we know that there are some tools and some levers that we can use to start bringing purpose into our life now.
Jordan Grumet
1 Protocols
Jordan Grumet's 7 Tips for Finding Your Purpose
Jordan Grumet- Avoid purpose mirages: Don't chase unrealistic goals like getting rich, becoming famous, or winning a Grammy; instead, look for 'little P purpose' in things you can do right away.
- Find your purpose internally: Let go of other people's versions of purpose (society, marketing, social media, family) and get in touch with what truly aligns with who you are.
- Notice the process, not the goal: Think of purpose as a process and engage in joyful activities ('purpose anchors') whenever they present themselves, rather than focusing solely on a grand outcome.
- Conduct a life review: Ask yourself structured questions about the important moments, biggest triumphs, failures, and relationships in your life, especially focusing on what you would regret at the end of your life.
- Look back at your childhood passions: Revisit your childhood room or memories to find clues (posters, hobbies, interests) about what brought you joy before external pressures influenced your path.
- Use the spaghetti method: If you're struggling to find purpose anchors, throw a bunch of things against the wall by saying yes to new experiences, talking to different people, or trying uncomfortable activities, then evaluate if they light you up.
- Embrace the art of subtraction: List your job roles and responsibilities, then scratch out everything you dislike or find boring. Focus on doing more of the remaining loved tasks and actively work to reduce or eliminate the loathed ones from your life and calendar.