Reset Your Relationship With Negative Emotions in 2022
Dr. Laurie Santos, with guests Brene Brown, Adam Grant, and psychotherapist Julia Samuel, explores how to reset our relationship with difficult emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, and languishing. The new season of The Happiness Lab aims to help listeners approach these feelings more effectively and gain power over them.
Deep Dive Analysis
10 Topic Outline
Introduction to Resetting Relationship with Emotions
Common Tendencies to Avoid Difficult Emotions
The Power of Acknowledging and Naming Emotions
Brene Brown on Discussing Emotions
Understanding Anger as an Important Signal
Exploring Listless Feelings like Burnout
Adam Grant on the Overlooked Emotion of Languishing
Deep Dive into Loss and Grief with Julia Samuel
Julia Samuel's Personal Experience with Princess Diana's Loss
The New Year as a Time for Emotional Reset
4 Key Concepts
Mythology of Emotion
This refers to the common belief that acknowledging or looking negative emotions in the eye gives them power. The episode suggests the reality is the opposite: looking at and naming emotions actually gives us, the individuals, power over them.
Anger as a Signal
Anger is presented not as inherently bad, but as an important signal from the nervous system. It indicates that the body is wound up enough to do something and is directing an individual to create change.
Languishing
Described as a 'neglected middle child' emotion, languishing exists on a spectrum between the extremes of depression/anxiety and flourishing/thriving. It represents an overlooked state of well-being that many people currently experience.
Grieving Better
This concept involves reimagining one's relationship with loss. The act of expressing grief is highlighted as a mechanism through which something shifts, implying a more effective or healthier processing of loss.
3 Questions Answered
The episode challenges the idea that emotions are inherently negative, suggesting that this perception is part of a 'mythology around emotion' and that even 'nasty feelings' like anger are important signals to pay attention to.
Most people prefer to suppress, run away from, or pretend 'yucky emotions' aren't there, but this approach gives power to the emotions. Brene Brown adds that the less we talk about difficult emotions, the more we experience them.
Anger is an important signal, described as the nervous system getting wound up enough to do something. It's your body directing you to create change.
7 Actionable Insights
1. Confront and Name Emotions
When experiencing difficult emotions, look them directly in the eye and name them, as this process gives you power over the emotion.
2. Talk About Negative Emotions
To reduce the intensity and duration of negative emotional experiences, talk about them more, as suppressing discussion can intensify them.
3. Recognize Emotions in Self/Others
Develop the skill to recognize emotions both within yourself and in other people, which is crucial for understanding and managing your emotional landscape.
4. Heed Anger’s Signal
Pay attention to anger as an important signal from your nervous system, which is directing you to create necessary change in your life.
5. Express Grief for Shift
When dealing with loss, actively express your grief because the act of expressing these feelings causes a significant internal shift.
6. Reset Emotional Relationship
Utilize the new year, or any natural fresh start, as an opportune time to intentionally reset and improve your overall relationship with your emotions.
7. Access Emotional Reset Meditations
Subscribe to Pushkin Plus (available on Apple Podcasts or pushkin.fm/plus) to gain access to six exclusive meditations based on the discussed ideas for emotional reset.
5 Key Quotes
It's a huge part of the mythology around emotion that if we look it in the eye, it gives it power. When the reality is, if we look it in the eye and name it, it gives us power.
Dr. Laurie Santos
The bad news is the less we talk about it, the more we experience it.
Brene Brown
Anger is your body directing you to create change.
Dr. Laurie Santos
No one wants to burst in tears in front of lots of strangers in a supermarket.
Julia Samuel
As you express it, something shifts.
Julia Samuel