The Jimi Hendrix of the Cello (with Joshua Roman)
Celebrated cellist Joshua Roman shares how long COVID stripped him of his ability to play, forcing him to re-evaluate his relationship with music. He discusses how this adversity helped him rediscover a deeper, more compassionate connection to his art and self, transforming his approach to life and work.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
Joshua Roman's Early Life and Introduction to Cello
Music as a Constant and Coping Mechanism in Childhood
The Path to Becoming a Professional Solo Cellist
Impact of COVID-19 on Joshua's Career and Coping
Catching COVID-19 and the Onset of Long COVID
Debilitating Symptoms of Long COVID: Fatigue and Dysautonomia
Dramatic Shift in Daily Routine and Cello Practice Post-COVID
The Difficult Decision to Stop Playing the Cello
Returning to the Cello and the Power of Vibrations
Embracing Radical Acceptance and Self-Compassion with Music
Trusting Rest and Managing Energy with Long COVID
Sharing Vulnerability and Purpose Through the 'Immunity' Project
3 Key Concepts
Flow State
A state of deep focus and immersion in an activity, where time seems to disappear, and one feels challenged and engaged. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described this happiness-inducing state, which Joshua found most accessible through playing the cello.
Dysautonomia
A nervous system condition where signals between the body and brain get mixed up. For Joshua, this manifests as his nervous system screaming 'you've done too much' with sensations of fatigue and heaviness, even when muscles are capable, or shivering uncontrollably when others are warm.
Radical Acceptance
A coping strategy involving accepting one's current reality, even if it's difficult or unwanted. For Joshua, this meant not forcing himself to practice cello out of guilt or obligation, but only when he genuinely desired to, and accepting his body's limitations due to long COVID.
8 Questions Answered
Music was a constant in his life from age three, providing a way to connect with people quickly when moving frequently and serving as a go-to reward and emotional regulator. It also allowed him to achieve a 'flow state' early on.
In March 2020, an entire year of his concert work was canceled, leaving him without a fixed address or eligibility for unemployment. He coped by doubling down on composing and live streaming, though he felt it was a desperate lifeline rather than a source of happiness.
He experienced extreme fatigue, described as wearing a 'coat of heavy metal' or difficulty lifting limbs, which sleep did not fix. He also had dysautonomia, a nervous system condition causing mixed signals, leading to sensations like extreme exertion from simple tasks or uncontrollable shivering.
Initially, he could only play for two or three minutes a day. When he tried to 'practice' analytically, it led to a complete crash, shaking, and needing help to put the cello away, demonstrating a profound difference between casual playing and focused practice.
He was pushing himself too hard and getting 'pummeled' by his body, feeling that the effort wasn't worth it. With no concerts scheduled, he chose to give up, seeing it as too difficult to continue.
He had committed to playing for a summer solstice party and forgot to cancel. A couple of days before, he retrieved his cello, wiped the dust off the case, and began to play, immediately feeling a rush of emotions and renewed motivation from the vibrations.
He now only plays when he genuinely wants to, prioritizing an internal desire to make music over external expectations or guilt. He focuses on exploring the music and cherishes the trust in his relationship with the cello, rather than forcing it as a tool for improvement.
He meticulously plans his day, ensuring that high-energy activities are not scheduled together and incorporating significant rest. He has learned to ask for help, delegate, and build a team to support his work and life, prioritizing self-care.
14 Actionable Insights
1. Seek Purpose-Driven Energy Use
Identify your core purpose and intentionally build your life, work, and relationships around activities that align with it, ensuring your energy is used effectively for impact and connection.
2. Align Work with Personal Meaning
Re-evaluate your professional and creative pursuits to ensure they are genuinely meaningful to you, rather than solely driven by external expectations or what you perceive others might find interesting.
3. Engage from Internal Desire
Approach activities, especially those you love, from an internal impetus and desire, rather than guilt or obligation, to foster a more trusting and fulfilling relationship with the activity and yourself.
4. Respect Physical & Mental Limits
Pay close attention to early warning signs of physical or cognitive exhaustion and proactively stop or adjust activities (e.g., leave a party, take a cab, plan your day to avoid energy conflicts) to prevent debilitating crashes.
5. Prioritize Rest & Careful Planning
Adjust your daily schedule to ensure sufficient sleep (e.g., 10:30 PM to 7:15 AM), allow ample time to wake up, and meticulously plan activities to avoid overexertion, especially for cognitively demanding tasks.
6. Ask for Help and Delegate
Actively build a support system by asking for help and delegating tasks, which creates beneficial structures for everyone and allows you to prioritize self-care and focus your energy more effectively.
7. Build Trust in Relationships
Foster trust in all relationships, both with yourself and others, by prioritizing open communication and genuine connection over a rigid focus on checkboxes and continuous improvement metrics.
8. Use Music for Emotional Regulation
Turn to music, either by listening or playing, as a tool to process and express difficult emotions, allowing you to feel and validate them even if you cannot fully understand the underlying details.
9. Seek Flow States Regularly
Engage in activities that demand both openness and focus (like playing an instrument or a challenging hobby) to regularly achieve a state of flow, where time seems to disappear, and you feel challenged and engaged.
10. Integrate Music into Daily Life
Make music a constant presence in your everyday life by singing, playing instruments, and trying new ones, fostering community, shared experiences, and personal enjoyment.
11. Connect Quickly Through Music
Utilize shared music-making (e.g., joining a band or playing with others) as a fast and non-verbal method to connect with people, especially when other social connections are challenging.
12. Practice Alone for Improvement
Dedicate solitary time to practice and refine a skill, allowing for focused progress and personal reward, which can then lead to more rewarding and meaningful interactions when shared with others.
13. Differentiate Practice from Playing
Understand the distinction between simply playing through a piece for enjoyment and practicing, which involves analytical decisions and focused effort to improve specific aspects of your skill.
14. Find Appreciation Through Adversity
Recognize that experiencing adversity can provide a valuable opportunity to appreciate aspects of life and personal abilities that were previously taken for granted.
5 Key Quotes
And it took a debilitating condition to strip me of all ability before I let myself just be. And that has changed everything about how I feel with music and really with life and the people around me.
Joshua Roman
But more than anything, now I treasure the trust in the relationship. You know, the cello is a proxy for a part of myself.
Joshua Roman
I don't know if I can swear, so I'm not going to. You can swear. It's fine. What the hell are you doing, Joshua? You're supposed to practice every day.
Joshua Roman
And for someone who used to fix everything by running faster, it's pretty crazy to be faced with this phenomenon that I still deal with pretty often.
Joshua Roman
The vibrations coming from the cello, moving through my body is something that is second nature. My body has grown around the cello.
Joshua Roman
2 Protocols
Joshua Roman's Pre-Long COVID Morning Routine
Joshua Roman- Sleep 4-6 hours (4 considered necessary, 6 great, more a waste of time).
- Wake up by 10 AM if going to bed at 4 AM, or by 6 AM if going to bed at midnight.
- Perform Vipassana meditation for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening.
- Run six miles.
- Perform close to 100 push-ups in a row, potentially with claps.
- Attend a weightlifting workout class.
- Attend a yoga class to clear the brain.
- Jump into composing or practicing.
Joshua Roman's Post-Long COVID Morning Routine
Joshua Roman- Go to bed at 10:30 PM and wake up at 7:15 AM every night.
- Meditate as close to 20 minutes as possible.
- Take about an hour and a half to fully wake up, as the body feels uncomfortable with extra sensations.
- Be extremely careful with cognitive tasks, planning the day to avoid overexertion (e.g., only one demanding task like a crossword puzzle or a conversation).
- Prioritize rest and avoid taxing the brain too much for the remainder of the day.