The War For Kindness
Dr. Laurie Santos, with guests Mina Cikara and Jamil Zaki, explores how intergroup biases lead to hatred and violence. They discuss the science behind empathy gaps and schadenfreude, offering strategies like deep canvassing and story-sharing to foster kindness and bridge societal divides.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
The Red Sox Hat Incident and Intergroup Bias
Personal Roots of Research: The Yugoslavian Civil War
The Intergroup Empathy Gap
Understanding Schadenfreude and Outgroup Harm
Shifting from Intergroup Conflict to Empathy
Jamil Zaki's 'War for Kindness'
Empathy as a Malleable Skill
The 'Disagreeing Better' Empathy Challenge
Deep Canvassing: A Strategy for Changing Minds
Real-World Impact of Vulnerability and Story Sharing
Overcoming Obstacles to Empathy and Collective Change
Commitment to Empathic Action and Future Topics
5 Key Concepts
Intergroup Biases
This refers to the shift in perspective when interactions are viewed through the lens of 'us and them' rather than 'me and you.' Humans naturally divide the world into in-groups and out-groups, which can lead to negative emotions and behaviors towards those perceived as different.
Intergroup Empathy Gap
This is the phenomenon where failures of empathy are particularly likely when individuals belong to socially distant or different social/ethnic groups. People literally don't experience the pain of outgroup members the same way they do for those in their own group.
Schadenfreude
A German word meaning 'harm joy,' it refers to the malicious pleasure people feel when they see another person suffering. This feeling can be triggered by disliking someone, perceiving them as unjust or undeserving, or envying them, and can be easily engendered towards outgroup members.
Ventral Striatum and Schadenfreude
Research shows that watching a rival fail activates the ventral striatum, a brain region involved in reward and learning. This activation links the pleasure of schadenfreude to the possibility of one's own actions causing such a rewarding event, potentially increasing the desire to harm others.
Deep Canvassing
A longer form of political canvassing that involves sharing personal narratives relevant to an issue, prompting voters to share their own stories. This method makes discrimination more concrete, reduces fears towards outgroups, and helps connect people across seemingly unbridgeable divides.
4 Questions Answered
Decades of psychological research show that most people have strong moral prohibitions against harm, guiding their behavior. Studies indicate a physiological aversion, even to pretending to harm others, with increased heart rate and bodily arousal.
No, evidence indicates that failures of empathy are particularly likely when targets are socially distant or belong to other social or ethnic groups. We literally don't experience the pain of outgroup members in the same way we do for people in our own group.
Yes, caring for others is one of the most important ways to care for oneself. People who experience a lot of empathy tend to be happier, less stressed, experience less depression, and find it easier to make and maintain important relationships.
Deep canvassing is highly effective, yielding about five to seven new supporters for every hundred people contacted. Its persuasion effects are long-lasting, often extending for months, making it impactful for ballot measures decided by small margins.
8 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Curiosity in Disagreement
When encountering ideological differences, instead of debating or judging, actively cultivate curiosity by asking others about the origins of their opinions and sharing your own stories, as this fosters appreciation and connection across divides.
2. Initiate Connection and Vulnerability
Take the powerful first step of putting your guard down, being vulnerable, and listening to others, as this often encourages them to reciprocate, leading to mutual understanding and connection.
3. Address Individuals, Not Stereotypes
In intergroup interactions, focus on engaging with the actual person in front of you rather than relying on preconceived ideas or stereotypes, as this common mistake significantly escalates conflict.
4. Care for Others for Self-Care
Prioritize caring for others, as data indicates that empathic actions are a vital way to care for yourself, leading to increased happiness, reduced stress, and lower rates of depression.
5. Help Others When Stressed
When feeling overwhelmed or short on personal time and energy, intentionally choose to help someone else, as this counterintuitive action can lead to feeling energized rather than depleted.
6. Recognize Mental Mistakes
Actively identify and be aware of the cognitive errors your mind makes, particularly in intergroup contexts, as recognizing these mistakes is a crucial step toward finding solutions and increasing happiness.
7. Commit to Kindness
Make a conscious commitment to being kinder to others to actively combat societal divisiveness and the increasing sense of disconnection, viewing it as a deliberate ‘war for kindness’.
8. Manage Empathic Energy
Understand that it is acceptable to manage your emotional energy and bandwidth, and you are not obligated to connect with or empathize with individuals expressing hateful or awful things, especially when it is emotionally exhausting.
6 Key Quotes
to be empathic, to choose empathy, is a radical choice in today's culture. It is a fight against other forces that are pushing us in the opposite direction.
Jamil Zaki
empathy is under our control more than we realize.
Jamil Zaki
by virtue of marking myself as a member of Red Sox Nation, I started to get treated that way. And once I started to receive that treatment, I started to react on behalf of Red Sox Nation.
Mina Chikara
It's exhausting to connect. And it's especially exhausting to connect with people who say things that are awful and that don't really deserve a platform. So I think it's perfectly okay for people to think about what they have the energy for, what they have the space for.
Jamil Zaki
when we take a step towards listening to others, towards being vulnerable with them, oftentimes we find that they're ready to do the same thing.
Jamil Zaki
Those participants who exhibited that much more ventral striatal activation in response to watching their rival fail were the same people who told me two weeks later that they would be that much more likely to heckle, hit, and insult a rival fan.
Mina Chikara
1 Protocols
Disagreeing Better Empathy Challenge
Jamil Zaki- Find someone with whom you have an ideological difference of opinion.
- Instead of yelling, judging, or debating, try to cultivate curiosity about each other.
- Ask this person how they came to have their opinion in the first place.
- Share with them the story of how you came to have your opinion in the first place.