1. Embrace Discomfort for Meaning
Recognize that discomfort is the price of admission for a meaningful life. Avoiding potential failure, humiliation, or rejection means denying opportunities for success and a life aligned with your values.
2. Emotions Are Guiding Signals
View all emotions, especially negative ones, as data or a “lighthouse” guiding you. They signal what’s important to you, such as loneliness indicating a need for connection or boredom suggesting a desire for growth.
3. Cultivate Emotional Agility
Develop the ability to healthily engage with your everyday thoughts, emotions, and experiences. This involves holding them lightly with curiosity, compassion, and courage to understand your underlying values and needs.
4. Show Up to Your Feelings
End the internal “war” against difficult emotions by accepting them non-judgmentally. Progress begins with acknowledging “This is what I feel,” rather than adhering to societal rules that dictate which emotions are allowed.
5. Label Emotions Specifically
Use precise terms for your emotions instead of broad labels like “stressed.” This “emotional superpower” helps you understand the emotion’s cause and activates your readiness to take effective steps.
6. Create Space from Emotions
Shift your language from “I am sad” to “I’m noticing that I’m feeling sad.” This creates healthy distance, allowing your wisdom and values to guide your response rather than letting the emotion define you.
7. Ask ‘What The Funk?’
Inquire about the function of an emotion by asking, “What is this emotion trying to tell me about my needs or my values?” This helps you use the emotion to adapt and move towards what truly matters.
8. Avoid Bottling Difficult Feelings
Do not push aside difficult emotions, even with good intentions like productivity. This suppression leads to an amplification effect, undermining well-being, resilience, relationships, and goal attainment.
9. Avoid Brooding on Feelings
Do not get stuck in difficult emotions by ruminating or being victimized by negative thoughts. This approach keeps you stuck and is associated with lower well-being, goal attainment, and healthy relationships.
10. Affirm Your Core Values
Regularly take time to remind yourself what’s important in your life, relationships, or career. This practice is protective against social contagion and helps you stay grounded, actively moving towards your core beliefs.