#79 Esther Wojcicki: The “TRICK” to Raising Successful People
Esther Wojcicki, a legendary teacher and educator, discusses defining success beyond wealth and introduces her TRICK method (Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness) for raising happy, resilient children. She also explores the roles of parents, teachers, and grandparents, and strategies for teaching critical thinking and managing electronic device usage.
Deep Dive Analysis
16 Topic Outline
Defining Success Beyond Money and Titles
Transition from Journalism to Teaching in 1984
Journalism as the 21st Century Curriculum
Rebellious Approach to Education and Student Engagement
Collaborative Parenting and Household Responsibilities
Teacher vs. Parent Roles in Child Development
TRIC Acronym: Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness
Fostering Independence: The Target and Haircut Stories
Societal Restrictions on Children's Freedom and Dependence
Role of Grandparents in Supporting Parents
Managing Electronic Device Usage in Children
Social Media's Impact and Teaching Responsibility
Developing Empathy Through Real-World Interactions
Public vs. Private School Approaches to Education
Generational Differences: Increased Dependence and Fear of Failure
Teaching Critical Thinking Through Analysis and Discussion
5 Key Concepts
Success
Success is defined as believing in one's dreams, having support to achieve them, and feeling good about oneself, rather than solely accumulating money or titles. Many people with significant wealth are unhappy due to difficulties forming genuine relationships.
Journalism as 21st Century Curriculum
Journalism teaches essential skills for the modern age, including collecting information from multiple sources, evaluating data, communicating engagingly, working in teams, and developing media literacy to discern reliable sources and understand social media.
Collaborative Parenting
This approach involves parents working with their children as a team to make decisions and set rules, rather than dictating. It empowers children to self-regulate and contribute, making them feel like valued members of the family unit.
TRIC Acronym
TRIC stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. It is a philosophy for raising happy, resilient, and successful children by fostering self-belief and positive interactions in both home and school environments.
Empathy Development
Empathy is built through real-world interactions where individuals can observe and understand others' emotions and perspectives. A lack of face-to-face engagement, often due to excessive screen time or social segregation, can hinder its development.
8 Questions Answered
Esther defines success as believing in one's dreams, having the support to achieve them, and feeling good about oneself, emphasizing that it's not primarily about money or status.
Journalism is crucial for the 21st century because it teaches students how to collect and evaluate information from multiple sources, communicate effectively, work in teams, and develop media literacy skills essential for navigating the social media age.
Parents can foster interest by allowing children to express themselves about things they are already interested in, and by involving them in collaborative decision-making, such as choosing topics for school projects or planning household chores.
Collaborative parenting treats the family as a team where children are involved in setting rules and making decisions, such as choosing meal options or deciding how to clean the house. This approach fosters self-regulation and a sense of contribution.
Parents can foster independence by trusting children to handle age-appropriate tasks, allowing them to make choices, and letting them experience natural consequences for minor decisions, rather than constantly supervising or doing everything for them.
Esther Wojcicki recommends not giving a child a phone until at least five years old or older, to prevent them from becoming dependent on electronic devices for entertainment during critical early developmental stages.
Families can manage device usage by collaboratively setting rules with the children, ensuring they understand the 'why' behind the limits, and offering alternatives that involve physical activity, nature, or face-to-face social interaction.
Critical thinking is best developed through active doing, such as in journalism where students analyze data and sources. Parents can also foster it by reading books with children and discussing characters' decisions and how historical events relate to the present.
49 Actionable Insights
1. Apply TRICK Philosophy
Implement the TRICK philosophy in all relationships (parenting, teaching, management): foster Trust, show Respect, encourage Independence, promote Collaboration, and act with Kindness, as these principles build self-belief and positive outcomes.
2. Practice Collaborative Parenting
Engage in collaborative parenting by involving children in decision-making and household responsibilities, treating them as team members, which fosters self-regulation and a sense of belonging.
3. Empower Children’s Ideas
Instead of constantly dictating, provide children with opportunities to generate their own ideas, fostering their ability to think and act independently.
4. Foster Self-Belief Through Trust
Trust children to complete tasks independently (e.g., cleaning their room, making a sandwich) and play unsupervised, as this builds their self-belief and prevents over-reliance on parental help.
5. Co-Create Rules to Reduce Enforcement
Allow children to participate in creating rules, both at home and in the classroom, as this makes them more likely to adhere to the rules without constant enforcement because they have ownership.
6. Explain “Why” for Self-Control
When setting rules, especially around technology use, explain the “why” behind them (e.g., impact on brain, eyesight, exercise) so children understand the reasons, which helps them develop self-control as they age.
7. Implement Collaborative Decision-Making
Show respect for children’s ideas, even “wacky” ones, by engaging in collaborative decision-making, such as allowing them to pursue their interest for a set time, followed by an activity you suggest, fostering mutual respect.
8. Grant Age-Appropriate Independence
Allow children age-appropriate independence, such as letting older children shop alone with a credit card or get a haircut by themselves, to foster self-reliance and decision-making skills.
9. Instill Life Patterns Early
Recognize that the habits and patterns instilled in children through daily tasks are training for life, shaping their behavior as teenagers and adults, so teach them to complete tasks before moving to the next step.
10. Teach Life Skills Early
Ensure children learn essential life skills like laundry and managing finances before adulthood, as parents often contribute to dependency by doing everything for them.
11. Link Chores to Desired Activities
Enforce household responsibilities by linking their completion to desired next activities (e.g., “we can’t go until your room is clean”), helping children form habits and understand that certain tasks are prerequisites for future enjoyment.
12. Allow Natural Consequences (Safely)
For non-dangerous situations, allow children to experience natural consequences (e.g., going outside without a jacket in the cold) to learn from their actions, while always protecting them from truly unsafe situations like running into the street.
13. Remove Penalties for Revision
Encourage continuous learning and improvement by removing penalties for revision, allowing students to resubmit work until it’s correct without negative grade impacts, which fosters perseverance.
14. Offer Constructive, On-Demand Help
Provide support and constructive criticism by asking guiding questions (e.g., “Did you think about this?”) and offering help when requested, rather than unsolicited or overly critical feedback, empowering individuals to rethink their work.
15. Foster Culture of Risk & Failure
Combat the fear of failure in teams or organizations by openly discussing it, creating a culture where taking risks and making mistakes are accepted and even celebrated for the learning they provide, not just for one-off events but as an ongoing practice.
16. Develop Critical Thinking by Doing
Develop critical thinking skills not just by reading and analyzing stories or doing math, but primarily by actively engaging in tasks that require daily critical analysis, such as journalism (analyzing data, verifying sources, discerning truth).
17. Discuss Book Characters’ Decisions
For parents, an easy way to foster critical thinking is to read books with children and then discuss the characters’ decisions, analyzing whether they were good or bad choices and why.
18. Connect Literature to Current Events
When reading literature, especially works like “1984,” actively seek connections between the book’s themes and current world events or policies, and discuss their impact to deepen understanding and critical thinking.
19. Prioritize Face-to-Face Relationships
Emphasize the importance of face-to-face relationships over digital interactions for children, as direct human connection is crucial for learning empathy and building meaningful bonds.
20. Build Empathy Through Interaction
Actively seek opportunities for real-world interaction with diverse people to observe their emotions and perspectives, which is essential for developing empathy by putting yourself in their shoes.
21. Practice Empathy by Nurturing Imperfect
Practice empathy by choosing to care for and beautify things that are overlooked or “imperfect” (like a lopsided Christmas tree), teaching that with love and support, anything can be made great.
22. Treat Everyone with Kindness & Respect
Live by the core principle of treating all people with kindness and respect, recognizing that this value is fundamental across diverse religions and cultures.
23. Foster Diverse Childhood Interactions
Encourage children to grow up interacting with people from diverse ethnicities and cultures, as early exposure helps them understand shared humanity and build bridges across differences.
24. Appreciate Diversity, Treat Immigrants Dignity
Actively appreciate the diversity of the world and recognize the immigrant heritage of the United States, treating all refugees and immigrants with dignity and respect.
25. Advocate TRICK in Public Schools
Advocate for public schools to adopt the TRICK philosophy (Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness) for all students, as this approach is crucial for developing well-adjusted citizens in a democratic society.
26. Prevent Violence with TRICK Parenting
Prevent negative societal outcomes, such as violence, by consistently treating all children with the TRICK philosophy (Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness), fostering happy, well-adjusted individuals.
27. Delay Phone Use Until Age Five
Do not give children a phone until at least age five, and avoid using electronic devices to entertain small children (0-5 years old), as this hinders the development of creativity and interaction skills.
28. Empower Kids to Set Tech Rules
Empower children to collaboratively create their own rules for technology usage, as their self-imposed guidelines (e.g., “no phones from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.”) are often stricter and more effectively followed than parent-imposed rules.
29. Collaborate on Educational Screen Time
After age five, collaboratively choose educational screen time, allowing children to select some videos while parents also select appropriate content (e.g., from Common Sense Media) to balance entertainment with learning.
30. Alternate Screen Time with Non-Electronic Play
Implement a system where fixed periods of screen time are followed by an equal amount of non-electronic activities, such as playing with friends or engaging in offline games, using the allure of devices to encourage diverse experiences.
31. Avoid Violent Video Games
Do not allow children to play violent video games; instead, actively seek out and encourage alternatives like harmless, physically active VR games or other non-violent options.
32. Offer Limited Choices to Children
Provide young children with two or three specific choices (e.g., for meals) to empower them in decision-making, establishing a pattern of choice early on.
33. Involve Kids in Household Rules
Collaborate with children to establish household rules and chore routines (e.g., cleaning, laundry), allowing them to contribute to decisions and fostering self-regulation as part of a family team.
34. Involve Kids in Meal Planning
Engage children in planning meals and grocery shopping, allowing them to help decide recipes and what to buy, which fosters their sense of contribution and decision-making.
35. Teach Practical Skills
Explicitly teach children practical life skills, such as how to use a credit card for purchases, to prepare them for independent adult life.
36. Solicit Anonymous Feedback
Regularly solicit anonymous feedback from those you lead (e.g., students, employees) on what is working and what isn’t, and be willing to adapt your approach based on their input to improve effectiveness and show respect.
37. Encourage Risk-Taking for Innovation
Foster innovation by encouraging risk-taking and understanding that new ideas and progress often come from deviating from established rules, rather than strict adherence.
38. Use Stories for Memorable Communication
When communicating important lessons or ideas, use engaging stories rather than just data, as people are more likely to remember and internalize information presented in narrative form.
39. Grandparents: Support, Don’t Dictate
Grandparents should offer supportive help like babysitting but avoid dictating parenting choices or criticizing parents, as this creates friction and undermines the parents’ authority.
40. Grandparents: Consult Parents on Gifts
Grandparents should consult with parents before buying excessive gifts, instead focusing on supporting the parents’ goals and avoiding overwhelming the household with toys.
41. Define Success by Self-Belief & Support
Reframe your definition of success to prioritize believing in your dreams, having supportive relationships, and feeling good about yourself, rather than solely focusing on money or titles, which often don’t lead to happiness.
42. Evaluate Google Search Results
Actively learn and practice how to evaluate the importance and reliability of information obtained from Google searches, a critical skill for discerning what is important from what is not.
43. Avoid Sleeping with Your Phone
Do not sleep with your phone, as recommended by sleep experts, because it can interfere with your sleep and contribute to phone addiction.
44. Balance Gaming with Coding
For every hour spent playing video games, dedicate an hour to coding games, potentially restructuring them to align with your preferences, fostering creative and technical skills.
45. Read “The Pearl” by Steinbeck
Read John Steinbeck’s short story “The Pearl,” especially if you are young, as it explores the consequences of wealth and provides valuable lessons.
46. Read “Failure to Launch”
Read the book “Failure to Launch” to understand how contemporary parenting styles contribute to young adults struggling with independence.
47. Read Dark Horse Book
Read the book “Dark Horse” to gain perspective on how nonconformist children, often a source of parental worry, are frequently the ones who go on to make significant changes in the world.
48. Read “The Trillion Dollar Coach”
Read “The Trillion Dollar Coach” by Jonathan Rosenberg and Eric Schmidt to learn how the TRICK method (Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness) can be applied in a corporate setting to effectively coach and lead employees.
49. Use Common Sense Media
Utilize Common Sense Media to review and select age-appropriate apps, movies, and electronic content for children, ensuring a balance of entertainment and educational value.
8 Key Quotes
I think what makes somebody successful is when they believe in their dreams and also have the support to achieve those dreams. And when they feel pretty good about themselves.
Esther Wojcicki
Journalism is the subject of the future. It's the curriculum for the 21st century.
Esther Wojcicki
If the most important part of your story is at the end, no one is going to get there. Even if you tell them you're going to give them a pot of gold, they'll never find out.
Esther Wojcicki
Don't tell the kids what to do all the time. Give them an opportunity to come up with their own ideas.
Esther Wojcicki
If there's no penalty for revision, kids have no problem doing it again. The reason they don't want to do it again is if they get a D and they're like, oh, my God, she's never going to change my grade.
Esther Wojcicki
If you don't, you don't believe in yourself. You believe in your mom helping you.
Esther Wojcicki
Habits are very hard to change. And the way you mold the child is the way that they're going to be as an adult.
Esther Wojcicki
Without relationships, we have nothing. You know, relationships are everything. And it's not just relationships on your phone. It's relationships where you actually see the person and, you know, you do things together.
Esther Wojcicki
3 Protocols
Collaborative Household Chores
Esther Wojcicki- Present the need for household tasks (e.g., cleaning, laundry, cooking).
- Involve children in deciding how these tasks will be done, treating them as part of a team.
- Allow children to choose what they want to eat or help plan meals and shopping.
- Enforce consequences if tasks are not completed, linking them to delayed next activities (e.g., 'we can't go out until X is done').
- Explain that these tasks are 'training for life' to instill long-term habits.
Collaborative Electronic Device Usage Plan (Napa Example)
Esther Wojcicki- Observe problematic electronic device usage (e.g., kids on phones instead of engaging in activities).
- Gather the children and explain the situation and the desire for a better approach.
- Empower the children to collaboratively come up with their own plan for device usage, including rules and time limits.
- Respect and implement the plan the children devise, even if it is stricter than what adults might have proposed.
- Ensure parents also adhere to the agreed-upon rules, modeling the behavior.
Teaching Critical Thinking Through Literature
Esther Wojcicki- Select a book or story for children to read.
- After reading, engage in a discussion about the characters and the decisions they made.
- Analyze whether those decisions were good or bad, and why.
- For older students, connect the themes or events in the book to current world events or historical impacts (e.g., comparing '1984' to modern society).
- Emphasize analysis and thinking beyond mere regurgitation of plot points.