Jack Kornfield: Finding Inner Calm
Jack Kornfield, a Buddhist monk and meditation teacher, discusses finding inner calm by understanding and managing emotions. He shares practices like mindful pauses, self-compassion, and setting intentions to navigate challenges and foster a more connected, compassionate life.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
Monastic Training and Transformational Experiences
Dealing with Strong Emotions: Anger, Fear, and Sadness
The Inner Voice and Cultivating Healthy Thoughts
Mindful Self-Compassion and Common Humanity
The Power of a Mindful Pause
Forgiveness: Releasing Bitterness and Suffering
Rituals for Shifting Collective Energy and Presence
The Power of Intention and Long-Term Vows
Striving vs. Engaged Presence in Daily Life
The Nature of Consciousness and Our True Self
Distinguishing Empathy from Compassion
Consciousness and the Mystery of Death
7 Key Concepts
Mindful Awareness
This practice involves trusting one's capacity to be present for emotions rather than suppressing or being overwhelmed by them. It helps expand the 'window of tolerance' for feelings, allowing one to recognize, name, and make space for them as visitors, not personal identifiers.
Watering Seeds
Drawing from Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, this concept suggests that the heart and mind contain seeds of both positive (joy, love, peace) and negative (fear, anger, greed) emotions. How one lives depends on which seeds are 'watered' and tended, as these will be the qualities that grow and define one's response to the world.
Mindful Self-Compassion
This training involves listening to self-judgmental voices without adding more judgment, acknowledging the fear or pain behind them with kindness. It includes reflecting on common humanity, realizing that struggles are shared, and cultivating compassion for oneself and others, leading to a shift from self-judgment to self-presence and love.
Mindful Pause
A practical technique to interrupt reactive patterns, where one takes a few breaths or moments to step back when triggered or set off. This pause creates space for reason to enter, helps put things in perspective, and prevents unprocessed emotions from coloring one's entire day or interactions.
Forgiveness
This is the art of releasing the hatred and bitterness carried within oneself, not about condoning what happened or forgetting it. It involves clearly seeing the suffering, resolving to prevent its continuation, and choosing not to carry the past's pain, thereby liberating oneself from cycles of resentment.
Intention
A powerful force that is the basis of karma or cause and effect, where the state behind an action matters as much as the action itself. Deliberately setting intentions, whether short-term or long-term vows, acts like a compass for the heart, guiding one's actions and responses, especially in moments of struggle or conflict.
Consciousness
This refers to the awareness itself, distinct from the body, emotions, or thoughts. It is described as timeless and not limited by the physical form, capable of experiencing life's mysteries and connecting to a deeper reality, often accessed through quiet reflection or profound experiences like those in nature or at life's thresholds.
7 Questions Answered
The first step is to recognize and name the emotion, then to feel where it manifests in the body and what stories it tells. The practice involves making space for the emotion, becoming a mindful and kind witness to it, which allows for a broader perspective and less personal identification with the feeling.
After recognizing unhealthy thoughts, one can tune into the fear or pain behind them and acknowledge it with kindness, saying 'thank you for trying to protect me, I'm okay.' This creates spaciousness, allowing one to then 'water' healthy seeds of joy, love, and compassion through practices like loving-kindness meditation, wishing well to oneself and others.
Self-compassion involves acknowledging self-judgmental thoughts and the pain behind them with kindness, recognizing that personal struggles are part of a common humanity. This practice shifts one from self-judgment to a sense of self-presence, dignity, and worthiness, fostering a confidence that is not about superiority but self-respect.
When feeling reactive or triggered, consciously take a 'mindful pause' by stepping back or taking a few breaths. This brief interruption allows reason to enter and prevents unprocessed emotions from coloring one's entire day, enabling a more measured and intentional response rather than an instinctive reaction.
Setting intentions, whether short-term or long-term vows, acts as a 'compass of the heart,' deliberately steering one's actions and responses. In moments of struggle or conflict, recalling one's best intention can shine a light, provide new direction, and shift consciousness from blame to interest and care.
Empathy is the ability to feel for another person, recognizing and understanding their experience, often described as a resonance within oneself. Compassion, on the other hand, combines empathy with the heart's active response to alleviate suffering, moving one to take action to make things better.
Based on meditation experiences and accounts of near-death experiences, consciousness is believed to float out of the body, often accompanied by an incredible light and a sense of being drawn towards it. There may be a 'review' of one's life, and a whole other experience for consciousness that is separate from the physical body.
35 Actionable Insights
1. Set Your Best Intention
Quiet your mind and set an intention for what matters most to you (e.g., “I vow to be kind”). This intention becomes a touchstone, shining a light and providing direction during struggles.
2. Face Suffering Directly
Understand that there are two kinds of suffering: one that follows you when you run, and one that is a gateway to freedom when you face it. Choose to face suffering as a path to liberation.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Hold your own humanity with a tender heart and genuine compassion. This practice allows you to extend the same compassion to others, becoming a beneficial force in the world.
4. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion
Listen to self-judgmental voices without adding more judgment. Acknowledge the underlying fear or pain with kindness, reflect on common humanity (realizing struggles are shared), and cultivate compassion for all experiencing self-judgment.
5. Recognize & Name Emotions
Cultivate mindful awareness to recognize and name emotions (e.g., anger, fear, joy) as they arise. Feel them in your body and make space for them, treating them like visitors rather than letting them overwhelm you.
6. Be Present With Anger
When feeling angry, create a space (like a quiet hut) to sit with the emotion. Observe the stories it tells, feel its energy in your body, and learn to be with it without running away.
7. Universalize Your Emotions
Through mindfulness, realize that your emotions are not solely yours but are shared human experiences, part of the collective grief, joy, or longing of the world. This perspective brings spaciousness and ease.
8. Consciously Observe Inner Thoughts
Practice mindfulness to become conscious of your inner commentary and thought patterns. This awareness allows you to discern which thoughts are healthy and helpful versus unhealthy or destructive.
9. Acknowledge Protective Thoughts
When unhealthy thoughts arise, acknowledge their intention to protect you by saying, “Thank you for trying to protect me, I’m okay, you can relax.” This avoids adding judgment and allows you to plant better mental seeds.
10. Water Healthy Inner Seeds
Recognize that your heart and mind contain seeds of both positive (joy, love, peace) and negative (fear, anger, greed) emotions. Your well-being depends on consciously watering and tending to the healthy seeds.
11. Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation
Regularly envision people you care about and wish them well using phrases like “May you be safe and well, may you be happy and peaceful.” Extend this practice to yourself as mindful self-compassion, acknowledging shared human struggle and wishing yourself well.
12. Shift Identity to Observer
Train your heart and mind to shift your identity from being habitually reactive to being an observer who can step back and see unhealthy patterns. This practice liberates you from being caught in those patterns.
13. Take a Mindful Pause
When feeling reactive, triggered, or set off, take a mindful pause—a few breaths or minutes—to quiet your mind. This creates space for reason, prevents unprocessed emotions from coloring your day, and allows for deeper engagement.
14. Practice the Art of Forgiveness
Learn forgiveness by clearly seeing what happened, feeling the suffering, and resolving to prevent future suffering, without condoning the act. Forgiveness is about releasing the bitterness you carry, stopping cycles of hatred within yourself.
15. Choose Not to Pass On Bitterness
Consciously decide not to pass on a legacy of bitterness or hatred, even when wronged. This action, like not speaking ill of someone, reinforces forgiveness and prevents fueling negative thoughts and actions.
16. Shift to Broader Perspective
When faced with immediate reactions, shift your perspective to a broader view, considering long-term relationships or how you want to live in this moment (heart open vs. closed). This moves you from primitive reactivity to a more thoughtful response.
17. Set Deliberate Intentions
Pay attention to and deliberately set your intentions before actions (e.g., before a meeting or game), as the underlying intention significantly influences the consequences and steers outcomes. Also, notice the impact of your actions, even with good intentions.
18. Use Intention to Guide Conflict
In moments of conflict, take a mindful pause and ask yourself your best or highest intention. This shifts consciousness from proving yourself right to connecting with kindness, respect, and understanding.
19. Periodically Reflect on Intentions
Beyond moments of conflict, periodically reflect on your best intention at the start of the day, week, or a new venture. The frequency should be organic and what works best for you.
20. Practice Mindful Presence Daily
Bring mindful presence to everyday activities like shopping or eating, aiming to be fully engaged without tension or striving. Enjoy the moment, feel your steps, and be present rather than trying to solve all life’s problems simultaneously.
21. Identify & Label Recurring Thoughts
In meditation, observe your mind’s “playlist” of recurring thoughts and stories. Identify your top 10 most frequent thoughts, and when they arise, mentally label them (“oh, number three”) and acknowledge them, allowing you to step out of them and create space.
22. Treat Personality as a Pet
View your personality and temperament (e.g., speedy, introverted) with kind bemusement, like a pet. Neither suppress it nor get lost in it, but observe it graciously as part of mindful self-compassion.
23. Observe Strong Emotional Reactions
When you have a strong emotional reaction to a slight or event, recognize it as a signal that a past pattern, trauma, or conditioning is present within you. This awareness helps prevent unconscious patterns from playing out.
24. Cultivate Spontaneous Compassion
Practice mindful awareness and loving-kindness meditation until wishing others well becomes an easy, almost automatic response. This softens your heart and improves your life, even in minor frustrations like traffic.
25. Use Simple Ritual Gestures
Employ simple ritual gestures (e.g., lighting a candle, placing a stone, a handshake) to change the environment and how people relate. These elemental expressions can shift collective energy and allow for deeper engagement in moments.
26. Insert Rituals to Pause
Consciously insert rituals (e.g., a prayer, a toast, a specific action) to create a pause before responding or acting. This shifts collective energy and allows for a more intentional, different response.
27. Create Personal Rituals for Focus
Develop personal rituals (like athletes do) to help you leave behind past events, whether positive or negative, and bring your focus fully into the present moment.
28. Practice Discernment Over Judgment
Replace negative self-judgment with discernment, which allows you to see clearly what is valuable, what needs inquiry, or what serves without adding negativity. This fosters real connection to yourself and others.
29. Receive Compliments Graciously
When receiving compliments, practice allowing them to “come in and wash through and go away” rather than deflecting them. Acknowledge the compliment with kindness and honesty, even if it feels difficult.
30. Seek Community for Struggle
When struggling, recognize that while inner work is important, it’s not healthy to do it alone. Seek out community (sangha, satsang, minyan) to talk, learn, and receive support, realizing you are not alone in your struggles.
31. Use Visual Reminders
Keep physical tokens or visual reminders (like Shay’s bowl) on your desk or in your environment. These objects unconsciously center you and reinforce important lessons or intentions.
32. Reflect on Life’s Core Questions
Regularly reflect on core life questions: “Did I love well?”, “Did I bring my gifts to the world?”, and “Did I learn to let go?”. This helps ensure you live a conscious and meaningful life.
33. Practice Active Compassion
Move beyond empathy (feeling for someone) to active compassion, which combines understanding with a heartfelt response to alleviate suffering. This means taking action, if appropriate, to make a situation better.
34. Connect with Timeless Awareness
Get quiet to realize you are the awareness observing thoughts and words, a consciousness that is timeless and not limited by your body. Experiences in nature, art, or profound life moments can open this gateway to remembering this deeper mystery.
35. Engage in Inner Training
Understand that inner training in mindfulness, compassion, and perspective brings tremendous benefit and value to all areas of life, including education, business, community building, and personal well-being.
5 Key Quotes
There's two kinds of suffering, the kind you run away from that follows you everywhere, and the kind that you face, and that's the gateway to freedom.
Jack Kornfield
If you're going to be angry, do it right. And just sit there until you know anger, until you can hear the story it tells, the many stories, until you can feel the energy of it, you know, pulsing through your body, until you can find a way to actually be with it and not run away from it.
Ajahn Chow (quoted by Jack Kornfield)
People might think self-compassion is a weakness, but in fact, when you hold your humanity with a tender heart, with a genuine compassion, then you can also hold others that way and you become a force for what's beneficial in the world.
Dalai Lama (quoted by Jack Kornfield)
I will not bequeath a legacy of bitterness to my children about their father. I will not say a bad word about him no matter what he does.
Woman in therapy (quoted by Jack Kornfield)
The mind creates the abyss and the heart crosses it.
Jack Kornfield
4 Protocols
Dealing with Anger
Ajahn Chow (quoted by Jack Kornfield)- Go back to your hut (or a quiet, enclosed space).
- Close the door and windows.
- Wrap yourself in all your robes (or create a contained, focused environment).
- Sit there until you know anger, hearing its stories and feeling its energy.
- Find a way to actually be with it and not run away from it.
Cultivating Loving Compassion
Jack Kornfield- Practice regularly envisioning people you care about, starting with those where love is natural.
- Wish them well using training phrases like: 'May you be safe and well,' 'May you be healthy and healed,' 'May you be happy and peaceful, at ease,' 'May you be held in love.'
- Repeat this for one person, then another, allowing it to become a natural response.
Mindful Self-Compassion Practice
Jack Kornfield (referencing Chris Gerber and Kristin Neff)- Listen to self-judgmental voices and notice their frequency, number, and stories.
- Turn to acknowledge these voices and the fear/struggle/pain behind them, bringing kind attention.
- Reflect on common humanity, realizing shared struggles make experiences less personal.
- Cultivate compassion for everyone lost in self-judgment, including yourself, to shift interior states and foster self-respect.
Setting Intentions as a Touchstone
Jack Kornfield- Quiet your mind.
- Set your own best intention for what truly matters most to you (e.g., 'I vow to be kind,' 'I vow to live with more wakefulness and attentiveness').
- When you encounter struggle or confusion, take a pause.
- Ask yourself: 'What's my best intention?'
- Allow this intention to shine a light and provide a new direction.