Luke Burgis: The Power of Mimetic Desire
This episode features entrepreneur and educator Luke Burgis, author of "Wanting," discussing René Girard's mimetic desire theory. He explains how understanding imitative desires can help align your wants with what's truly meaningful and valuable in life.
Deep Dive Analysis
21 Topic Outline
Luke's Transition from Investment Banking to Entrepreneurship
Money, Misery, and the Pursuit of Authentic Desire
Decision-Making in Moments of Clarity and Neutrality
The Role of Trust and Communication in Relationships
Understanding Tacit Knowledge and Inarticulate Knowledge
René Girard's Mimetic Theory of Desire Explained
Non-Obvious Examples of Mimetic Desire's Influence
Building Luxury Brands Through Aspirational Marketing
Social Media's Impact on Mimetic Desire and Identity
External vs. Internal Models of Desire and Their Effects
Mimetic Desire and the Dynamics of Attraction
The Positive and Negative Aspects of Human Desire
Cultivating Thick Desires vs. Thin Desires
Shaping Behavior by Choosing Your Models and Environment
The Flywheel of Desire: Building Positive Momentum
Ritual as a Counterbalance to Human Nature
Happiness, Identity, and Liquid Dominance Hierarchies
Opting Out of Unhealthy Systems of Desire
The Masochistic Pursuit of Obstacles and Unattainable Desires
Tony Hsieh's Empirical Approach to Marriage and Happiness
Redefining Personal Success and Legacy
7 Key Concepts
Mimetic Desire
Mimetic desire means that a person's choice of an object is not determined by the object itself, but is fundamentally influenced by a third person or party, called a mediator or model of desire. Humans often convince themselves their desires are original, but they are largely imitative.
The Romantic Lie
This term, coined by René Girard, describes the romanticized belief that human desire is spontaneous and direct, a straight line between an individual and the object of their desire. It overlooks the hidden influence of models or mediators.
Mediator/Model of Desire
A third party that influences a person's desire for an object or person, often unconsciously. These models can be external (outside one's world, no direct competition) or internal (within one's world, potential for rivalry).
Tacit Knowledge
Tacit knowledge refers to things we know how to do or understand, but cannot necessarily explain how or why we know them. It's often internalized through experience, like riding a bike or recognizing patterns, and is undervalued in society.
Thick Desires
These are enduring, perennial human desires that are fundamental and insatiable, such as the desire for deep human relationships, to know and be known, or to contribute meaningfully. Cultivating thick desires leads to lasting satisfaction and acts as a guide for decision-making.
Thin Desires
These are more mimetic desires that can change quickly, often influenced by external models and societal trends. They are often for objects or status symbols and tend to be less fulfilling in the long term.
Flywheel of Desire
This concept describes how desires have a cumulative, path-dependent effect, where one desire naturally leads to another. By intentionally designing a 'flywheel,' one can create a sequence of desires that makes it increasingly likely to achieve positive goals and reinforce desired behaviors.
12 Questions Answered
People can feel trapped because they are chasing an idea of success that they haven't deeply thought about, often influenced by mimetic desires. They may prioritize financial security, but without creative outlets or authentic desires being nourished, they remain miserable.
It's best to make big decisions during a moment of 'neutrality and peace,' avoiding periods of deep anxiety or extreme consolation. This 'fertile ground' allows for clarity and personal confidence that the decision aligns with authentic desires.
Open and honest communication is crucial because it builds trust and reduces anxiety by clearly defining boundaries and expectations. In times of high uncertainty, like a pandemic, the ability to have these conversations reveals the true strength and nature of relationships.
Social media shrinks the world, presenting billions of curated models of desire, often from people we don't know in real life. It blurs the line between external and internal models, making us feel closer to influencers and increasing the psychological pressure of comparison and wanting.
Attraction can be significantly influenced by mediators of desire, as seen in 'pickup artist' tactics like the 'wingman' effect. If others appear to desire someone, it can instantly increase that person's perceived attractiveness and value to others, hacking mimetic desire.
Yes, humans often want their desires to be validated by others. If no one else wants what we want, we tend to doubt its worthiness. Competition for something can paradoxically validate its value, leading us to desire things simply because others also want them.
A role model simply models a role, lifestyle, or behavior. A model of desire, however, models a deeper desire itself, such that if the model's desire changes, the desires of those who seriously look to them as a model will also change, going beyond mere imitation of lifestyle.
By consciously choosing the people we spend time with, we can shape our habits and thinking because we tend to adopt the default behaviors of those closest to us. Surrounding oneself with positive mimetic influences whose default behaviors align with desired outcomes can override individual tendencies.
Desire initiates action, discipline sustains it, and rituals cement it. Desires alone are not enough; discipline is needed to pursue what we intellectually know is good, even if we don't yet want it. Rituals then reinforce these desires and disciplines, serving as memory and preventing past mistakes.
Humans can become 'obstacle addicts' because, due to mimetic desire, our models often become our obstacles, leading to rivalry and making achievements seem more worthy of pursuit. If something is too easy, we tend to doubt its value, sometimes fixating on what we can't easily have.
Unlike animals, which have relatively stable dominance hierarchies, human hierarchies are 'liquid' and can change rapidly based on factors like wealth, popularity, or celebrity. Humans can also opt out of one hierarchy and choose a different one, constantly juggling the systems by which they measure themselves.
No, major life commitments like marriage cannot be reduced to purely empirical evidence or scientific analysis of happiness. They involve complex factors like tacit knowledge, discernment, commitment, and an element of 'stepping out in good faith,' leading to emergent knowledge and benefits that can only be known through the experience itself.
32 Actionable Insights
1. Nurture Enduring Desires
Actively identify and nurture “thick desires” (e.g., for freedom, deep relationships, virtues, personal purpose) that are perennial and contribute to human happiness, as these provide a framework for making decisions and enduring hard times.
2. Choose Models Intentionally
Intentionally choose to spend time with people whose “default behavior” aligns with your desired habits and thinking, as their positive mimetic influence can override individual resistance and reinforce your goals.
3. Decide from Neutral State
Avoid making significant life decisions during periods of extreme emotional states (deep anxiety/desolation or extreme consolation/highs); instead, aim for a “neutrality and peace” to ensure clearer discernment.
4. Name Desires, Models
Actively name and articulate your desires and the models (both positive and negative) influencing them, as this clarity is crucial for understanding, controlling, and shaping your wants.
5. Design Desire Flywheel
Map out a “flywheel of desire” where each positive action or desire naturally leads to the next, creating a self-reinforcing cycle that makes it increasingly likely you’ll pursue your goals.
6. Embrace Rituals, Discipline
Integrate rituals into your life as a counterbalance to human nature, using them to reinforce desired behaviors, provide discipline, and serve as a memory aid for why you chose certain desires and paths.
7. Live as Responsible Model
Live with the awareness that you are a “model of desire” for others (e.g., students, colleagues, family), and take responsibility for the influence you exert by intentionally modeling positive desires and behaviors.
8. Integrate Intuition, Rationality
Value and integrate tacit knowledge and intuition into decision-making, using rational thought to validate initial intuitive insights rather than dismissing them outright.
9. Opt Out Unhealthy Systems
Identify and consciously “opt out” of “Michelin star systems” or unhealthy dominance hierarchies that cause misery or do not align with your true desires, even if it means foregoing a perceived pinnacle.
10. Evaluate Goals’ Mimetic Origin
Regularly question and evaluate the origins of your goals, acknowledging that they are often products of mimetic desires from your models, and expand your “universe of models” to identify healthier, more fulfilling objectives.
11. Prioritize Being Who You Are
Shift your focus for happiness from being content with what you have to being content with who you are, as self-acceptance is a more fundamental source of well-being.
12. Implement Daily Wellness Rituals
Establish consistent daily rituals, such as going to bed early, morning reading/meditation/exercise, and a silent midday break, to reset your mind, increase your desire to work, and maintain overall well-being.
13. Test Consequential Relationships
For important relationships (e.g., business partners), test their strength by speaking a “hard truth” upfront and observing their reaction, as this reveals if open communication is possible.
14. Practice Open, Honest Communication
Invest in relationships where open and honest communication is possible, including clearly defining boundaries and rules, and model this behavior for others.
15. Take Annual Silent Retreats
Plan and undertake an annual silent retreat (at least five days, unplugged, remote) to gain perspective, reorient desires, and reflect on past decisions and their outcomes.
16. Study Human Nature Deeply
Delve deep into understanding human nature, particularly through classic literature and philosophy, as it provides a “shortcut” to understanding unchanging aspects of human behavior in life and business.
17. Extract Useful Truths, Fiction
Approach fiction, mythology, and even philosophical texts with an open mind, seeking “useful” truths about human nature and the world, even if they are not scientifically accurate or factual.
18. Recognize Mimetic Desire’s Pervasiveness
Recognize that many of your desires (for objects, jobs, relationships) are not purely intrinsic but are often influenced by “mediators or models of desire,” challenging the “romantic lie” of independent wanting.
19. Identify Hidden Influencers
To identify “mediators of desire” (hidden influencers), embed yourself in relationships/organizations, cut through superficiality, and create trusting, confidential environments where people feel safe to share their true, often unstated, motivations.
20. Differentiate Role, Desire Models
Understand that a role model inspires a role or behavior, while a “model of desire” influences what you want at a deeper identity level; be aware of who you are following at this deeper level.
21. Critique Social Media Influence
Be highly aware that social media exposes you to an overwhelming number of “models of desire,” often curated and inauthentic, leading to projected happiness and potentially manufacturing desires that are not genuinely yours.
22. Recognize Relational Identity
Understand that your identity is not formed in isolation but is “highly relational” and shaped by mimesis within your relationships, influencing who you become.
23. Identify Insatiable Thick Desires
To identify a “thick desire,” test if it can ever be fully satiated; if it remains insatiable and you can continually deepen your engagement with it, it’s likely a profound and enduring desire worth pursuing.
24. Understand Mediator-Driven Attraction
Be aware that attraction can be “hacked” through “mediators” (e.g., a “wingman” showing interest) who influence how a person is perceived, demonstrating the non-objective nature of desire.
25. Recognize Desire Validation Need
Be conscious that humans often seek validation for their desires through competition or by observing others’ interest, which can lead to doubting the worthiness of something if no one else wants it.
26. Replace Negative with Greater Good
To overcome unwanted behaviors or negative models, focus on replacing them with a “greater good” or a more powerful positive model, rather than solely trying to eliminate the negative.
27. Interrupt Negative Desire Flywheels
Identify and map out your “negative flywheels of desire” (e.g., staying up late -> poor morning -> procrastination), as understanding these spirals helps you catch yourself at early stages and design positive counter-flywheels.
28. Adopt Layered Thinking
When making complex decisions, utilize “layered thinking” by considering rational analysis, tacit knowledge (intuition), emotional responses, and even physical cues, rather than relying on any single layer in isolation.
29. Redefine Success by Legacy
Re-evaluate your definition of success beyond professional achievements to focus on the legacy of love, charity, and positive influence you leave on others, aiming to expand their “universe of desires” in a beneficial way.
30. Recognize Manufactured Desires
Be aware of the “slippery slope” of manufactured desires that can be misinterpreted as needs, and ensure you have creative outlets to exercise your gifts, as their absence can lead to unhappiness regardless of financial success.
31. Build Intuition via Experience
Develop stronger, more reliable intuition by gaining direct, earned experience across a full spectrum of situations (e.g., high trust and betrayal), rather than relying solely on borrowed knowledge.
32. Create Aspirational Brands with Gap
When building a luxury brand, leverage “aspirational marketing” by modeling a lifestyle that is just out of reach, maintaining a “far enough gap” from the average consumer’s reality to avoid competition and foster desire without self-accusation.
8 Key Quotes
I actually believe that we should feed those enduring desires and that those enduring desires do ultimately sort of see us through the hard times.
Luke Burgis
Once you see Girard's core idea, you can't really unsee it.
Shane Parrish
We know more than we're able to explain that we know.
Luke Burgis
Mimetic desire means that a person's choice of an object is not determined by the object itself, but is fundamentally, or at least mostly determined by a third person or a third party, which is a mediator or model of desire.
Luke Burgis
It's true, even if it didn't happen.
Luke Burgis
Man is like a creature that starts lifting over all of the rocks on earth, looking for the one thing he really wants and comes to find or comes to decide in his mind that the one thing that he wants must be under the only rock that's too heavy for him to lift.
Luke Burgis
Live as if you have a responsibility for what other people want.
Luke Burgis
What desire starts discipline continues and rituals cement.
Shane Parrish
1 Protocols
Luke's Positive Daily Work Flow and Life Balance
Luke Burgis- Go to bed at a decent hour, avoiding late-night distractions.
- Get up early in the morning.
- Spend quality time reading and meditating first thing in the morning.
- Go for a run (or other exercise).
- Sit down and focus on work (e.g., writing) starting at 8 or 8:30 AM.
- Take an hour break around lunchtime, consisting of a half-hour of silence (e.g., in a church) and a half-hour for lunch.
- Stop working at 5 PM.
- Eat dinner with his wife, Claire.
- Explore the city or engage in other non-work activities on weekends.