Marshall Goldsmith: The Essentials Of Leadership
Marshall Goldsmith, a top executive coach, discusses how to gain confidence, motivate others, and avoid common leadership mistakes. He emphasizes changing behavior and perception, the impact of communication, and the importance of aligning aspirations, ambitions, and daily activities for a fulfilling life.
Deep Dive Analysis
16 Topic Outline
Defining Leadership and Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs
Process for Changing Behavior and Perceptions
Challenges of Transitioning from Achiever to Leader
Avoiding 'Winning Too Much' and 'Adding Value'
Lessons from Coaching: Importance of Customer Selection
Aligning Aspirations, Ambitions, and Daily Activities for a Great Life
Escaping the 'Achievement Trap' and Focusing on Process
The 'Every Breath Paradigm' and Letting Go of the Past
Leading Inclusively and the Evolving Role of Leaders
Strategies for Effective Recognition and Communication
Understanding the Nuances and Types of Empathy
The Impact of 'No, But, However' on Conversations
Making Better Decisions and Influencing Others
Controlling Your Environment: The 'Triggers' Concept
Daily Self-Evaluation for Continuous Improvement
Final Wisdom: Advice from Your 95-Year-Old Self
10 Key Concepts
Leadership
Leadership is defined as working with and through others to achieve objectives, with 'others' being the key word. While leaders are born, they can definitely become more effective through learning and development.
Self-limiting beliefs
These are internal beliefs, such as 'this is just the way I am,' that inhibit personal improvement. They make it difficult to get better and cause any changed behavior to feel inauthentic, like pretending.
Winning too much
This refers to the tendency of successful people to constantly try to win, even in trivial situations. This relentless drive to be right or 'win' can damage relationships and hinder collaborative efforts.
Suggestions become orders
This phenomenon occurs when a leader's casual suggestions are perceived and acted upon as direct commands by subordinates, regardless of the leader's actual intent. This is especially true for those in positions of high authority.
Customer selection (in coaching)
In coaching, 'customer selection' is crucial, meaning a coach's success largely depends on choosing clients who are genuinely committed to change and willing to put in the necessary effort. Coaching processes are most effective with motivated individuals.
Achievement trap
This is the continuous pursuit of more achievements, driven by the mistaken belief that happiness is dependent on future successes. This leads to an endless cycle of dissatisfaction, as outcomes are often beyond one's control and provide only temporary fulfillment.
Every breath paradigm
A philosophical Buddhist concept where each breath signifies a 'new you.' This encourages individuals to let go of past mistakes and focus on being the person they need to be in the present moment, rather than dwelling on what has already occurred.
Empathy (four types)
Empathy involves putting oneself in another person's frame of mind. The four types are understanding (comprehending their perspective), feeling (experiencing their emotions), caring (desiring their well-being), and doing (taking action to help). Too much of certain types, like feeling or caring, can sometimes be detrimental.
Triggers
Triggers are any stimuli—a sight, sound, person, or thought—that can impact one's behavior, often unconsciously. These environmental factors can frequently push individuals away from their desired self-improvement goals rather than towards them.
Live values vs. Talk values
This distinction highlights the difference between what one verbally expresses as important (talk values) and what one actually demonstrates through their daily actions (live values). This gap is often revealed through consistent self-evaluation.
14 Questions Answered
Leadership is defined as working with and through others to achieve objectives, with the key word being 'others' as opposed to doing it by yourself.
Leaders are born (as everyone is born), but they can definitely become more effective through intentional learning and development.
Self-limiting beliefs, such as 'this is just the way I am,' prevent individuals from improving and make any behavioral changes feel inauthentic, hindering personal and leadership growth.
Changing perception requires consistent follow-up and communication with those providing feedback. By regularly asking for ideas and demonstrating sustained effort, leaders can shift how others view their changes, even after occasional slip-ups.
High achievers must learn to stop constantly proving they are smart or right and instead focus on making a positive difference by working with and through others, rather than doing everything themselves.
When leaders constantly add value to others' ideas, it can decrease the original person's commitment to executing the idea, as it no longer feels like their own, even if the idea's quality slightly improves.
The most important lesson for a coach is 'customer selection' – choosing clients who are genuinely committed to doing the work and improving, as these are the only ones who will truly get better.
Beyond health, income, and relationships, a great life requires alignment between one's aspirations (higher purpose), ambitions (achievements), and day-to-day activities.
To avoid the achievement trap, one must never condition their value as a human being on the results of what they are trying to achieve, as outcomes are not fully controllable and achievement alone provides only temporary satisfaction.
By adopting the 'every breath paradigm,' one can view each moment as a new beginning, forgiving past versions of themselves and focusing on being the person they need to be now, like a golfer focusing on the next shot.
The three words are 'no,' 'but,' and 'however,' because they immediately negate or dismiss what the other person has said, hindering open communication and agreement.
When making a decision, a leader should consider input, but ultimately make the decision based on their judgment, communicate it clearly, and ask for execution, rather than trying to prove why their decision is 'right' over others.
By becoming aware of 'triggers' (stimuli that impact behavior) and understanding when the environment is controlling them, individuals can develop discipline and strategies to align their daily actions with their desired self.
Imagine yourself at 95, on your deathbed, looking back at your life. What advice would that wise, old person give to your current self about what truly mattered? This perspective helps prioritize what's important.
79 Actionable Insights
1. Consult Your 95-Year-Old Self
Regularly imagine what your wise, dying self would advise you to do or change, and then act on those insights immediately, as this perspective offers the ultimate performance appraisal.
2. Decouple Self-Worth from Outcomes
Do not base your value as a human on achievement results, as outcomes are often uncontrollable, and continuously chasing them leads to an unfulfilling, endless cycle.
3. Prioritize Positive Impact
Make your mission in life to create a positive difference, rather than proving how smart or right you are, because intellectual superiority is irrelevant without meaningful contribution.
4. Align Life’s Three Pillars
Ensure your higher aspirations (why), ambitions (what you achieve), and daily activities (how you live) are in harmony to experience a truly great and fulfilling life.
5. Embrace “Every Breath Paradigm”
View each breath as a chance to become a “new you,” separating your current self from past actions and mistakes, allowing for continuous self-renewal.
6. Reject “Hardwired” Behavior Belief
Discard the notion that your behaviors are fixed or “hardwired,” as believing in your capacity for change is the first step towards actual improvement.
7. Overcome “This Is Just Me” Mindset
Challenge self-limiting beliefs like “this is just the way I am,” as such fixed identities inhibit personal improvement and make any behavioral change feel inauthentic.
8. Love the Process, Not Just Outcome
Focus on enjoying the journey, doing your best, and connecting your efforts to a higher purpose, rather than fixating on winning or losing outcomes.
9. Focus on Effort, “Next Play”
Cultivate pride in your best effort regardless of the outcome, and adopt a “next play” mentality to quickly move past both successes and failures without dwelling.
10. Prioritize Present Happiness
Don’t defer happiness to future achievements or possessions; actively choose and pursue happiness now, appreciating what you have rather than constantly chasing what you lack.
11. Prioritize Loved Ones Over Career
Never neglect friends and family in pursuit of professional success, as these personal relationships are the ones that truly matter and provide support in the long run.
12. Pursue Your Dreams Now
Don’t postpone your personal aspirations; take action on your dreams, regardless of their size or others’ opinions, as life is short and it’s your life to fulfill.
13. Systematize Behavioral Follow-Up
Regularly check in with colleagues (e.g., every two months) to ask for ongoing feedback and ideas on your progress, making improvement a continuous and systematic process.
14. Respond to Feedback Graciously
Express sincere gratitude for feedback, apologize for past shortcomings without excuses, and solicit specific, future-oriented ideas for improvement rather than dwelling on past critiques.
15. Listen, Commit, Seek Support
When receiving ideas, listen actively without judgment, take notes, express thanks, commit to focusing on one or two key areas, and invite ongoing support from others.
16. Gather Multi-Source Feedback
Seek comprehensive, confidential feedback from a wide range of colleagues (e.g., board members, direct reports, peers) to identify areas for improvement and validate them with your superior.
17. Shift from “Me” to “We” Impact
As a leader, stop trying to prove your individual intelligence or correctness and instead focus on making a positive difference by working with and through others.
18. Avoid Winning Too Much
Beware of the habit of needing to win every argument or prove yourself right, even in trivial situations, as this can harm relationships and overall effectiveness.
19. Resist Constant Value-Adding
Be mindful of immediately suggesting improvements to others’ ideas; sometimes, a simple “great idea” is more effective as it preserves their commitment and ownership.
20. Pause Before Speaking in Power
Recognize that your “suggestions” may be perceived as “orders” by subordinates; take a breath and ask “Is it worth it?” before offering input to avoid unintended directives.
21. Eliminate “No, But, However”
Consciously remove “no,” “but,” and “however” from your vocabulary, as these words instantly negate or dismiss the other person’s contribution, hindering open communication.
22. Lead by Asking, Not Telling
Adopt an “ask” approach as a future-oriented leader, recognizing that followers often possess more specialized knowledge, requiring you to listen, involve, and be inclusive rather than simply “tell.”
23. Accept Power-Based Decisions
Understand and make peace with the reality that decisions are ultimately made by the person with the power to do so, regardless of intelligence, fairness, or logic.
24. Influence What You Can, Let Go
Concentrate your efforts on selling ideas you can sell and changing what you can change; for everything else, make peace with it or consider leaving the situation.
25. Practice Mindful Presence in Interactions
Before every meeting or conversation, especially virtual ones, pause, breathe, and consciously orient yourself to the current context, participants, and priorities to avoid blurring interactions.
26. Cultivate a Trusted Support Group
Actively seek out a community where you can be vulnerable, share experiences, and receive genuine support without judgment, as leadership can be isolating.
27. Connect Work to Larger Purpose
Ensure your efforts contribute to something meaningful beyond yourself and your immediate tasks, as this provides a vital “why” and prevents burnout from aimless hard work.
28. Identify and Manage Environmental Triggers
Become aware of when external stimuli (sights, sounds, people, thoughts) are unconsciously influencing your behavior and proactively devise strategies to mitigate unwanted impacts.
29. Seek External Accountability
Acknowledge that willpower is often overrated and it’s okay to need help; arrange for someone to hold you accountable for your daily commitments and goals.
30. Track Daily “Live Values”
Use a daily spreadsheet to answer questions representing what’s most important in your life (yes/no/number), generating a weekly report card on your actual behaviors.
31. Frame Questions for Self-Accountability
Structure self-assessment questions with “Did I do my best to…?” to shift accountability from external factors to your personal effort, encouraging self-reflection rather than blame.
32. Set Clear Daily Goals
Make a conscious effort each day to define what you want to achieve, rather than just reacting to incoming demands or letting the day unfold without direction.
33. Make Daily Goal Progress
Actively pursue progress on your goals daily, striving to advance your objectives despite distractions and unforeseen issues, rather than getting sidetracked.
34. Proactively Find Daily Meaning
Don’t wait for meaning to appear; actively work to make your daily interactions and experiences purposeful, rather than living in abstraction or theory.
35. Consciously Strive for Happiness
Actively choose and pursue happiness each day, recognizing it as an important daily endeavor rather than an automatic outcome or something to be deferred.
36. Build Daily Positive Relationships
Consistently invest effort in nurturing connections with others, both at work and at home, even when tired or stressed, as these relationships are crucial.
37. Be Fully Engaged and Present
Make a conscious effort to be mentally and emotionally present in your activities and interactions, avoiding passive wandering through life.
38. Take Risks, Avoid Inaction Regret
In a changing world, prioritize trying and taking action on what you believe is right, as inaction and missed opportunities are more often regretted than failed attempts.
39. Help Others for Self-Pride
Prioritize helping people not for external rewards like money or status, but because your future 95-year-old self will be proud of the positive impact you’ve made.
40. Integrate Fun into Work
Recognize that life is short and embrace enjoyment in your professional life, finding ways to integrate fun into your daily work and activities.
41. Perception Trumps Intention
Understand that in leadership, what truly matters is how your actions and words are perceived by others, not just what you intended to communicate.
42. Choose Peace Over Being Right
In personal relationships, when a situation doesn’t go your way, refrain from critiquing or pointing out others’ mistakes; instead, try to make the best of it and enjoy the moment.
43. Don’t Compete in Misery
When a loved one shares their struggles, avoid competing to prove your day was harder; instead, offer empathy and support without trying to “win” in suffering.
44. Assess Comment’s Impact on Commitment
Before speaking at work, breathe and ask if your comment will improve the other person’s commitment; if not, re-evaluate if it’s truly worth saying.
45. Prioritize Relationship with Comments
Before speaking to loved ones, breathe and ask if your comment will improve the relationship; if the answer is no, it’s almost never worth saying.
46. Measure Success by External Improvement
When coaching or leading, define progress not by self-assessment but by the observable improvement recognized and judged by those around the individual.
47. Select Committed Individuals
Invest your coaching or leadership time in individuals who are genuinely committed to change, as their willingness is the primary driver of success.
48. Focus on Others’ Success, Not Ego
As a coach or leader, ensure your efforts are centered on the growth and achievements of those you work with, not on validating your own intelligence or ego.
49. Establish Clear Commitment Expectations
Before engaging in a coaching or development relationship, outline non-negotiable actions (e.g., getting feedback, follow-up, hard work) and only work with those willing to commit.
50. Don’t Waste Time on Uncaring
Direct your energy towards individuals who genuinely desire improvement, as efforts to change those who don’t care will be unproductive and a waste of your time.
51. Focus on Present, Practice Forgiveness
When faced with distractions or frustrations, let go of past mistakes or external annoyances, concentrate on the immediate task, and forgive others and yourself to avoid self-inflicted misery.
52. Apply the 24-Hour Rule
Allow yourself one day to process wins or losses, then mentally turn the page to a new, blank day, forgiving past events and moving forward with a “next play” mindset.
53. Beware Commercial Happiness Illusions
Recognize that advertising often creates a false link between material acquisition and happiness, leading to fixation on external factors that don’t deliver lasting joy.
54. Respect Diverse Referent Groups
Understand that individuals have different heroes and cultural backgrounds; recognizing these differences reduces prejudice and promotes inclusivity.
55. Separate Preference from Requirement
Focus on an individual’s ability to meet job requirements, rather than allowing personal preferences (e.g., appearance) to influence your judgment.
56. Focus on Self-Improvement
Seek feedback on your own behavior and commit to personal growth, rather than expending energy on critiquing or judging those around you.
57. Adapt to Rising Leadership Expectations
Recognize that current standards for leaders are higher than ever, and employees have greater agency to leave, necessitating continuous improvement in leadership behavior.
58. Systematize Sincere Recognition
Twice a week, review a list of important people and proactively offer sincere, simple thanks for specific contributions, avoiding insincere praise.
59. Ask “What Are You Proud Of?”
Use this simple question to uncover others’ achievements and provide opportunities for genuine recognition of things you might not have known.
60. Ask Individuals for Communication Feedback
To improve communication with a specific person, ask them directly for ideas and insights, as they are the best source of relevant feedback.
61. Understand Others, Beware Manipulation
Strive to comprehend others’ perspectives and feelings, but recognize that this understanding can be used for both positive support and negative manipulation.
62. Manage Empathy of Feeling
While feeling others’ emotions can foster connection, be cautious not to internalize excessive pain, especially in demanding roles, to maintain your effectiveness.
63. Balance Caring, Maintain Objectivity
While caring is positive, excessive emotional investment can lead to risk aversion and reduced effectiveness in roles requiring objective decision-making.
64. Help Actively, Avoid Dependency
While taking action to help is valuable, be mindful not to become a “fixer” who inadvertently creates dependency and prevents others from taking responsibility.
65. Practice Singular Empathy
Focus on being the specific person or leader needed for the individual and situation at hand, without carrying over past roles or emotions.
66. Approach Each Interaction Freshly
Regardless of how many times you’ve performed a task, reframe it as a unique experience for the recipient, dedicating your best effort to them.
67. Understand Without Agreeing or Dwelling
Engage with different viewpoints to foster connection, but maintain your own stance and avoid getting stuck in their emotional space.
68. Shed Past Roles, Be Present
Develop the discipline to consciously shed past roles and their associated emotions to fully engage with the current situation and people, ensuring fairness and effectiveness.
69. Self-Impose Penalties for Habits
For behaviors you want to change, establish a small, consistent financial penalty (e.g., $20 to charity) to increase accountability and awareness.
70. Adopt “Salesperson” Mindset
View the decision-maker as a “customer” you need to “sell” your ideas to, recognizing that they don’t have to buy, especially when influencing those with power.
71. Prioritize Your Commitment in Decisions
If you are the decision-maker and options are similar, lean towards your preferred choice because your commitment to it will likely lead to better execution.
72. Decide Clearly, Respectfully, Fallibly
When making a final decision despite disagreement, state your choice clearly, acknowledge others’ input and intelligence, and ask for their best execution, without needing to prove them wrong.
73. Increase Personal Environmental Control
Recognize that while external triggers influence you, you can consciously shift the balance to exert more control over your behavior and reactions.
74. Acknowledge Environmental Susceptibility
Openly accepting that you can be influenced by your surroundings makes you less vulnerable to being unconsciously controlled by them.
75. Confront Talk vs. Live Values
Daily self-assessment reveals the often-unflattering truth of how your actual behavior aligns with your stated intentions, highlighting areas for real change.
76. Thank Past Self, Release Mistakes
Acknowledge and appreciate the positive contributions of your “previous selves,” and consciously let go of their errors without dwelling on them.
77. Forgive Past Self, Live Now
Recognize that you are not the same person you were previously; release the burden of past actions and allow yourself to be the person you need to be now.
78. Live Your Own Life Actively
Disengage from excessive consumption of others’ lives (e.g., social media, celebrity culture) and past glories, focusing instead on creating your own present experiences.
79. Focus Impact, Release Uncontrollables
Reduce personal expectations and worries about uncontrollable factors to increase your actual influence and positive contribution.
10 Key Quotes
You have to learn to quit being right all the time and quit being smart all the time and quit thinking this is a contest about how smart you are and how right you are and realize that I'm here to make a positive difference in the world. And me being smart and me being right is probably no longer the way to do that.
Marshall Goldsmith
In leadership, it doesn't matter what we say. It only matters what they hear. If they don't hear it, it doesn't matter if we said it or not.
Marshall Goldsmith
My suggestions become orders. Now he said, if they're smart, they're orders. If they're stupid, they're orders. If I want them to be orders, they are orders. And if I do not want them to be orders, they are orders anyway.
JP Garnier (recounted by Marshall Goldsmith)
Before I speak, breathe. Breathe. And I asked one question. Is it worth it?
JP Garnier (recounted by Marshall Goldsmith)
Never make your value as a human being conditioned on the results of what you're trying to achieve. Never do that. It's a fool's game.
Marshall Goldsmith
Happiness and achievement are independent variables. You can achieve a lot and be happy. You can achieve a lot and be miserable. You can achieve nothing and be happy. You can achieve nothing and be miserable through independent variables.
Safi Bacall (recounted by Marshall Goldsmith)
Just never start a sentence with three words, no, but, or however.
Marshall Goldsmith
Our mission in life is to make a positive difference, not to prove we're smart and not to prove we're right.
Marshall Goldsmith (attributing Peter Drucker)
Willpower. Grossly overrated. Yeah. Willpower. Good luck on that one. We all need help. Who are we kidding?
Marshall Goldsmith
Be happy now. Not next week, not next month, not next year. Not I'll be happy when I achieve this stuff or when I get this money. Be happy now.
Marshall Goldsmith (advice from old people)
2 Protocols
Behavioral Change and Perception Shift Protocol
Marshall Goldsmith- Obtain confidential feedback from colleagues (e.g., 18 people) to identify areas for improvement.
- Review the feedback, identify specific behaviors to change, and confirm these with relevant superiors (e.g., CEO or board).
- Respond to feedback by expressing gratitude, acknowledging positive points, apologizing for past shortcomings in the area to be improved, and asking for future ideas without judgment or critique.
- Implement systematic follow-up by regularly (e.g., every two months) returning to the same individuals to ask for ideas on continued improvement based on recent performance, making it an ongoing process.
Daily Self-Evaluation for Life Improvement
Marshall Goldsmith- Create a spreadsheet with a series of questions that represent what is most important in your life (e.g., friends, family, health, work).
- Ensure each question can be answered with a 'yes' (recorded as 1), a 'no' (recorded as 0), or a specific number (e.g., 'How many times did you try to prove you were right when it wasn't worth it?').
- Fill out this form every day, recording your scores for each question.
- At the end of the week, review your 'report card' to see your 'live values' (actual behavior) compared to your 'talk values' (stated intentions).
- Recommended questions include: 'Did I do my best today to set clear goals?', 'Did I do my best today to make progress toward achieving my goals?', 'Did I do my best today to find meaning?', 'Did I do my best today to be happy?', 'Did I do my best today to build positive relationships?', and 'Did I do my best today to be fully engaged and present?'